Punjabi Takkar Marriage Diary - Entry #143

The other day the Boy was late from something. I was not informed properly and was super pissed due to some weird mood swings. I gave him a good one after he entered the house and then I went to bed. After a while, when he was sitting in the living room I made him a call asking him to come to the room. I screamed and screamed until I was done being angry. He listened, without uttering a word, because he knew I was going through terrible mood swings.

I take care of the house, he takes care of the bank – we are primitive that way. I hate any interference in the household chores and expect nothing from him. The other day I had washed his hankies and kept on the bed thinking I will fold them while watching TV. He came home from work and wanted to take a nap. Before I could come inside he had folded all the handkerchiefs and wrapped himself in the quilt. I fell in love.

I need constant encouragement for things. He always knows when to keep mum and when to speak. When he speaks, it's always the right thing.

I need a loving and caring man in my life but not someone who is overly sensitive because I hate people who care too much. He is exactly that.

I make him sit and listen to all the gossip I know. He is like a box which holds all my secrets and I am never afraid of them being spilled. It pays to have an introvert for a partner.

He is a goofy kid I could never have. He is the baby I like to mother. He is the Boy I can pamper to bits.

He’s never bought me gifts. He’s put stamps on my passport, he’s driven me around for nothing, he’s eaten what I wanted to eat, he’s gone without questioning wherever I’ve taken him, he’s worn what I made him wear, he’s sat in stores staring at his phone getting bored, he’s made me food he hates to cook…

I am a hard one to handle, he’s done that well without even knowing probably.

I am very confused about love. I don’t know what it means. I don’t understand how it happens. I fail to believe it ever goes. It is impossible to completely comprehend all that love is about. Yet, when I see him, I feel I know love.

Phases in Love II

Four and a half years back, I did a post called ‘Phases in love’. I was about to get married that time. To keep my sanity, I had kept my mind blank. I conditioned myself not to think about anything that will happen after the wedding. How love will proceed was not on my mind as well. I tried to live each day as it came. Like every individual, I was scared and had my own reasons.

Anyway, it’s time for phases in love after marriage. Except missing my family and my city, I don’t have anything to crib about. So, this is love after marriage as seen from my non-hazel colored eyes!

Phase One – Just married – It’s like cupid striking all over again. The guy will try to do everything possible to make the girl happy (including remembering dates!). The new bride blushes at every given opportunity (and the recent attack of facials give an extra glow. Not to forget, the shiny hormones give an added lift *winks*). Everything glitters, from new clothes to new jewelery to new home. The guy licks his fingers whenever the girl cooks anything. Anything. The girl puts on make-up whenever the guy is around. It’s one of the best and most romantic phase of life.

Phase two – a few months into the marriage – issues start cropping up. This phase is very difficult since the couple starts to see negative qualities in each other. The lover turns into a husband/wife and the seriousness of living together dawns on you. The guy broods over the map shaped chapati and the girl starts to dislike the guy’s friends. Let’s-go-wherever-you-want-honey transforms into I-don’t-like-sushi-I-want-my-tandoori-chicken-bi*&^. The story with in-laws needs another post altogether! If both are working, the once lovey dovey couple who did things for each other complains about dividing chores and how the other never helps.

Phase three – a year into the marriage – after the roller coaster ride, the couple feels a sense of accomplishment. They celebrate their love and togetherness and come in terms with the good and the bad(read: compromise). They form their own rules and learn to live in harmony (read: adjustment). They feel proud of the bond they have created and talk about how time flies. They forget how they thought about walking out of that door a couple of times during the year. 

Phase four – ab to ek saal ho gaya – this is an unending phase till you have two children. People from all quarters advice you to have kids. There are subtle hints from all and sundry, ‘enjoy your time, when you have kids you won’t party like this’. There are obvious hints from relatives, ‘next time when you meet us, we want to see three not two of you’. There are over-the-top hints from a neighbour whom you’ve never met and bump into in a supermarket, ‘not planning? Need time’? (This was meant for another post but I just couldn’t come in terms with it!!!)

Anyway, the way a couple decides about having a baby takes their relationship to another level. This is a difficult topic of discussion. And if you can bring up the subject every weekend without any tiffs, you’ve reached a level of understanding that’s rare. Congratulate yourself on building a strong foundation in the earlier phases.

Phase five – after a couple of years – If all has gone well, you become best friends in real sense of the word. The companionship is like no other. You want to explore the world with each other and grow old together. Mostly there are no banned topics. You know each other’s likes and dislikes and work on your relationship accordingly. You pick up the towel from the bed without any anger. He plays angry birds patiently when you're shopping. Minor spats on the way don’t dishearten you but make your friendship stronger. Sometimes the monotony bores you, but the warmth and togetherness steps in to ease all confusions. 

The initial phase of all love stories is the best. But when you get out of that phase and still want to be around each other – that’s real love. I’m glad I found it. I hope you did too. And if not, it’s just waiting to happen.  

Oh, the mushy mushy week!!

Love is...

... when you know you've cooked a bad meal but he makes yummy noises while having it.

... when you know he doesn't like the kohl in your eyes yet he praises how pretty you look.

... when he will eat at a restaurant just because you like it so much.

... when he will not drink so that you can to your hearts content.

... when he seems to have a constant guilt that he doesn't buy you enough gifts.

... when he says 'chanel' is next!

... when he will wake up without letting you know and go to the office without breakfast and lunch so that you can chill in life.

... when he will shift himself so that you can sit on your spot on the sofa.

... when he will constantly look out for steps so that you can comfortably climb them.

... when he will support you even though his arms are dead tired.

... when he holds your hair back while you are coping with a hangover.

... when he stands with his eyes down after committing a mistake.

... when he pulls your leg in public and then hug you cutely in private for the same thing!


You might not hear him say it enough but it's there. True love is not expressed in words or on Valentines day, it's around you all the time and you can really feel it till your toes! Nevertheless, celebrate it today like never before :)