Thursday, November 28, 2013

Sob Factory!

Scene 1: I haven’t seen my family since 6 months. A package arrives with mom’s handmade mithai, my favorite peanut chikki and a gift for me. As I open it, I burst into tears and not only cry but cry with hiccups. The Boy is shocked and doesn’t know what to do!

Scene 2: When I tell my mom about scene 1 on phone I choke up again.

Scene 3: I bid adieu to my MIL at the airport who came to visit me for a few weeks. Surprisingly, tears flood my eyes. Weren’t we supposed to be happy when in-laws leave? They must be super awesome!

Scene 4: I speak about my child-free state with an aunt on the phone. I begin to choke. Wasn’t this a conscious decision?

Scene 5: We’ve bid farewell to quite a few close friends here in Bahrain and dropped them at the airport. I’ve cried every single time!

Scene 6: This one is classic. I have a cousin who is 8 years younger to me but I share the most precious bond with her. I hardly speak to her over the phone. But whenever I meet her I cry like a little baby on departing. Thankfully we meet often, but those tears just tell me how much I love her.

Scene 7: I chat with a long lost friend over the Internet and tiny droplets fill my eyes. Why am I like a little baby?

Scene 8, 9, 10: I watch a movie, I hear a sad story, I see someone in distress... those glands go berserk! Seriously, I have 10 times the normal tear glands.

It is not like I keep crying all the time! If I am in a difficult situation, I fight it out and hardly shed a tear. I laugh a million times more than I cry. But when it comes to relationships, I get all choked up. I don’t verbally tell people that I love them or miss them, but my watery eyes do. Either my tear glands are over-working or my heart is excessively filled with love. I’d like to assume it is the latter!

Does that mean people who don't cry are not loving? Hmm, that cannot happen. The Boy loves me and I have never seen him cry! Lets try to get the science behind it.

It is evolutionary. I am neurotic!!!!
All tears come out of tear glands, or lacrimal glands, found way up under your upper eyelids. We cry when they break. Emotional crying is nothing but evolutionary to get sympathy. Scientific research has shows that "if you are quite empathetic to the suffering of others, you may cry more frequently than the harder-hearted. People who are anxious or neurotic cry both more frequently and more easily than others. And extroverts tend to cry more often during negative situations and are less likely to cry 'happy tears'."

I am just protecting my nervous system.
There have been studies that indicate crying and the release of tears is a way to bring the nervous system back to a normal equilibrium of sorts. If someone continues to cry and be in emotional distress for a long period of time, the stress could cause physical consequences like a stroke or heart attack. Hence crying may be the body’s way of calming itself down (part of the parasympathetic nervous system) and returning to a normal state.

Like always, let me blame it on the hormones.
Studies say that on an average men cry once a month and women cry 5 times (I really don't know where this study was conducted. Even I don't cry 5 times a month!!). Prolactin and estrogen are both hormones found only in women that contribute to crying. So once again, its the bloody hormones.

There are a lot of theories out there. But emotions cannot be studied in a laboratory. No wonder we don't know anything about love as well. I just have one theory, I am very loving and caring and so I cry!! It is showing the world my vulnerability and that is the only reason I feel awkward. As long as I don't cry during a difficult situation, I am fine. Yep, chuck the science, I'm okay being a sob factory!

Monday, November 25, 2013

The Women in the Bigg Boss house

Poles apart - Tanishaa Mukherjee and Gauhar Khan

I am guilty of being a Bigg Boss addict. Over the years, I’ve enjoyed Rakhi Sawant doing her antics, I’ve tolerated Rahul Mahajan’s irritating laughter, I’ve sailed through Imam’s mentally unfit behaviour, and I’ve laughed with Salman. But this year, the show has stooped to a totally different level and it is making me cringe.

If you watch this show you already know about the two love affairs that have emerged in this season – Armaan - Tanisha and Kushal - Gauhar. Armaan Kohli’s claim to fame is the fact that he is the son of a famous film producer and has acted in a few films that unfortunately did not work out for him. Tanisha Mukherjee comes from a family which is hugely successful in Bollywood. She’s Kajol’s sister, Nutan’s daughter, Ajay Devgan’s sister-in-law, Rani Mukherjee’s cousin, and the list goes on. She hasn’t been an accomplished actor herself but has apparently been a part of a 100-crore venture ‘Son of Sardar’. Anyway, even though the two actors haven’t had as much success as their family members, they are independent and have been working on something or the other.

Since these two are from the filmy background, they became friends in the very beginning. Also, they have pointed time and again that they are from a different ‘class’ and others are not upto their level. If this was not atrocious enough, they have now fallen to a newest low. Tanisha has been taking Armaan’s tantrums from the very beginning. Even when he’s in the wrong, she supports him like a 'true' friend. She brings him food and water and massages his hair. In return, Armaan trashes her at every given opportunity. When she tries to stop him from fighting, he tells her that he has come alone to this show and she means nothing to him.

You would think that a woman, an independent woman, would not tolerate this and start to ignore the man whom she met only a couple of months back in this moronic place. But no, she takes his anger and says she understands this behaviour! She holds his hand and says I know you are a good man but it is only your momentarily behaviour that can be annoying. In return, he pleads guilty and says he respects only his mother and her in the entire world and would never harm them in this lifetime! Ha! Both being the black sheep of the family have their insecurities and anger, but to take it out on another person is totally not justified.

On the other hand there is outspoken, opinionated, strong character of Gauhar Khan. If you would look at the forums, she is touted as being dominating and loud by, you guessed it, men. Armaan Kohli obviously doesn’t get along with her and Tanisha has had her problems as well. Kushal, being close to Gauhar stood for her when another contestant passed lewd comments during a task. It was done in a light manner but crossed a few boundaries. When Kushal reacted, he was thrown out of the show. So much for men who stand up for their women! 

During a weekend show, a caller asked Armaan Kohli the reason for his behaviour. He apologised and said it will never be repeated. So far he has tried to transform himself. But for how long? And why is Tanisha even taking this behaviour? The viewers look up to celebrities. This is a reality show which is believed to be not-so-scripted thanks to the live feed. How these celebs potray themselves has a huge impact on the audience. Armaan Kohli is just trying to show that it is okay for men to treat women in this manner. By smiling through it, Tanisha is trying to justify his actions.

When will our women stand up for themselves? If even the supposedly ‘confident’ ones succumb to pressure, how can you expect the other half to speak for themselves? I am sorry Tanisha, you might be dignified in certain mannerisms, but you have let women down.

Here is to Gauhar Khan; I hope she wins. Only because she has the ability to stand up for herself and not let us feel humiliated.

*Image from here.

Sunday, November 10, 2013


This week I’ll be celebrating my 31st birthday. Considering the kind of year it has been, I can safely say life after 30 is not exactly the same as before. Maybe it changed for me a year prior to that or maybe it changed six months later, but it does change. No matter how hard you try, staying up and partying from dusk to dawn is not easy. And that is just one silly, minuscule aspect of it.

Health-wise it was one of the worst years for me. There were weeks when even walking wasn’t easy. Of course I did not give up. One of the most important things to do in distress is to stay calm so that you can think clearly. I did and thankfully discovered new ways to protect myself in the process. Hopefully, they will work in the future as well. If they don’t, I would start afresh. Yeah, I am 31 and wise!

Owing to this, I had plenty of mood swings. Since I am so over-the-top optimistic, I kept the smile going. This really confused my brain and I felt elated and low at the same time. Stupid brain I tell you – it can be fooled very easily which further strengthens my belief in the supreme power of the subconscious mind

Anyway, let me not blame it on the poor 30’s. Shit happens. Amidst all that, plenty of good things happened too. Like I travelled so much. Like the way I received unfathomable amount of love from the Boy, my family and my friends. The blogging world is a huge blessing which helps me keep sane at all times. Love came from unexpected quarters just like these two complete strangers who praised my writing through email. Now these are non-bloggers whom I don’t know. And when praise comes from such sources, you can’t imagine the happiness. Let me quote them and show-off (it is my birthday week afterall!):

Dear Nisha,
I just wanted to drop in a line to say that you write so beautifully, I just cant stop reading.
The best part is that your writing is so simple, earthy and unpretentious that it never fails to put a smile on my face, irrespective of how my day is going.
I really feel (if I'm aloud to feel out loud), you should write more often. (Although you would be getting that a lot) :)
Do write a book..which will be followed by many I feel..!!
 P.S You might have your own cross to bear (which I can make out from your blog), So hope you find your way over it or around it..:)
God bless you always..!! 

Hi Nisha,
Your blog is so wonderful, that i have been reading it the whole afternoon right upto your Jan 2012 posts.
It made me smile, which is tough these days coz i'm goin through tough times...!!
I must have felt like this after 2 weeks..which is a long time for me...Thank you..God bless..!!

When you read such heart warming messages you really feel blessed and every problem becomes a secondary issue. And so, whenever things weren’t so hunky dory, I assumed that somewhere out there was a guardian angel looking out for me. Probably you were one of them... it just makes me so grateful.