Wednesday, December 28, 2016

2016 - The Year That Was.

My life's dreamy. I don't do much, yet I do enough to be happy and content. From the outside it may look like a drag, but look into my heart, and you'd find contentment with just a dash of confusion, because, well, there is nothing worse than a sorted life.

2016 was the same - only a little better than the last year and a tad worse than the year to come. How can I be sure of the next year? - well, that's how cool God is to me!

I count happiness with all the new things I do. Routine fills the gaps between the new things and that's important to feel settled. But new, new gives me excitement, a feeling that I am alive, a hope that I am still young at heart and mind. 2016 was awesome because:

1. I learnt how to Mosaic. Tiles, clippers, grout - it made me tired yet fulfilled. I created a beautiful owl which hangs  on my wall now. Absolutely in love with my creation!!

2. I opened a new Instagram account - coupleintransit. The purpose of this account is to cover the new places we visit - in and outside Bahrain. But you know what, I forget to take pictures before eating, I forget to post pictures after visiting, I forget to like others for them to like me, and I never follow anyone till I really want to follow - all are the makings of a terrible Instagrammer! Lets just say coupleintransit would just remain an extention of this blog and nothing else. I was never into ass-licking and would never be.

3. I read more books in 2016 than I read in any previous years. I'm a lousy reader. If I lose interest early on in a book, I put it away and don't go back to reading anything for months. So this year was special - I might start reading more.

4. I wrote a letter to my 10-year old niece! In the age of technology we have forgotten the love for paper, pen and hand-written mail. I want her to know what it means to write letters, the fragrance that brings you close to the person who wrote it, and something that you can keep in a box and cherish forever, not just mail that goes on the cloud in form of bits and binary!

5. We stayed in luxury hotels for the first time this year. We spoilt ourselves and felt awesome. I hope we can still stay in 3-stars and feel great because, otherwise, with our limited budget, we won't be able to travel as much!

6. We took two spontaneous trips this year - Prague and Dubai. This was so unlikely us. The first was in lieu of the leftover leaves that needed to be used, plus, God bless Fly Dubai, a super-awesome deal on flights. The other was the Boy's conference that ended being my vacation with my favourite cousin in the land of Sheikhs. I loved both holidays a whole lot and they definitely deserve to go in my diary.

7. Planned a very romantic evening for the Boy on our anniversary. Period.

8. Started eating a lot of chicken and eggs - if that counts!

9. Oh, how can I forget, we were the leading pair of a promotional video by a topppp Bahrain Magazine. I don't want to get into details because I was immensely embarrassed!!! We were even featured in the magazine and the Boy was told by many people in his office and otherwise also that they saw us!! We also had a disagreement with the magazine staff and they had to compensate us. This experience would be hard to top for sure.

10. We saw an International artist Live for the first time. Avicii in Ibiza was an experience I would never, ever forget. My feet were aching like crazy after the show, but it was totally worth it.

11. Made a video for my bestie's daughter's first birthday which made a lot of people shed happy tears! I was also reminded that I've been awesome right from teenage - two of my friends still have gifts I gave them when I was 13 and one has passed it to the next generation. I don't know why we don't exchange gifts like these as we grow older. Hmm! Birthdays are special and need to be celebrated. I wish to hug and be hugged on birthdays, gift and be gifted... Oh, i digress!

This year I became a tad selfish because I want to have fun in life. There were times I wanted to do so much but just could not. I became stronger because I exercised a whole lot. I became braver because I traveled alone when I did not want to. I became smarter because I read so much. And, like every year, I became more grateful for all the goodies and for all the sense. Here's hoping to top all these experiences next year and adding more to my gratefulness account.

Much love.

Thursday, December 22, 2016

This is Us

I was watching this show called This is Us on television when Kate, the fat girl in the show, made a revelation that struck a chord. ‘It’s always going to be about the weight,’ she said, ‘it has been about the weight ever since I was a little girl. It is a part of who I am.’

Being extremely overweight is like a disease. And if, unfortunately, you’ve had a disease for too long, it is all you think about. ‘Will I fit in that chair? Will that dress fit me? How am I looking? That’s all I can think about,’ Kate said.

I know how she feels. Hell, I think exactly how she thinks. Not because I am in the same situation like her, but because I am in a similar situation like her. If not your own conscience, it is the world around you that keeps reminding you of the shortcomings you have. The situations you face are perceived differently by you because of the thing you have. Now I don’t know if ‘normal’ people have something bothering them persistently, but it does take a lot of space in my head.

The thing is, I don’t know how to get it out. You condition yourself into believing that it is alright to have a shortcoming. If you are a positive person, you are constantly telling yourself that it is all okay. Basically you lie to yourself because deep down you know it is not okay. This is when you let your shortcoming take over your whole mind, body and soul.

This thought is so disturbing yet true. You are living a great moment and bam! a thought troubles you and you let go of the fun because it so deeply a part of you. Live in the moment they said, but they knew all too well that it was just a cover up.

What else a person is to do? Sulk? Cry? Make all the moments about that one stupid thing that wasn’t chosen by him? To become that bubbly, chirpy person we lie to ourselves that we are bigger than our problems. We are what we think we are. We are not fat. We are not crippled. We are not suffering. We suppress the demons and go on living a life in which everything is okay.

Perhaps the sour lemons life gives us help us become the yum lemonade that we are. If it weren’t for those shortcomings, we won’t be the sensitive, more loving people that we are. We are crazy, I agree, but we are also sweet and caring and understanding. I speak for all fat people here. I speak for all those who have been battling a disease for years. Every second of your life is going to be about that, but it is also going to be about you, about us – the great thinkers and ‘feelers’ of all time! 

Monday, December 5, 2016

The Weight Rant. Again.

I just had some coffee and cheese on toast. Although my lunch was a yoghurt-apple-honey-walnut thing that I absolutely love, it did not satifsy my stomach, hence the toast. I did some exercise in the morning and I have to go to the gym in an hour. I've done this quite a few times this year, but that bitch of a weighing scale refuses to move!

When I stand on it in the morning after having my two big glasses of warm water (to dilute the fat you see!), it smirks at me. It reminds me of the fabulous trips I've had and the Kulchas and the Margaritas I have so happily devoured in the last few months. 'Yoghurt for lunch, really? Remember the night with three desserts?', the lazy, immovable, piece of fat stink tells me.

So I had 2016 goals which are slowly converting to 2017 goals. I have a diary, I have a calendar, I have an excel file, heck, I even have a piece of paper under a cake magnet on the fridge that tells me how my weight has moved in this year. That's 58.5 minus 57.5 kg. They just sit there and tell me that I have spent more time in creating a floral design on some device for each activity rather than moving my butt. I wanted to create a set of tapping feet for a home Zumba session with my two left hands, is that so hard to accept?

Now before you start telling me that I look fine and I don't need to cut down, let me tell you about a recent encounter I had with a few hot mommies in Dubai. Now Bahrain is like a village in front of the kingdom of Burj Khalifa. Here we have women happy in their space eating like there's no tomorrow. But Dubai's got super models with whom you have to compete on a daily basis.

So when I met these women, I thought I was the fattest one there. These were in their late 30's with atleast two kids and minimum three big solitaires. They ate one-fourth of the starters that I ate. They took dinner in small bowls. They took a fork to eat the yummy home-made cake (of which, mind you,  they asked the host for a recipe. I am guessing it was for 'fat' guests like!). And then, when I was happily devouring my favourite Cuba Libre, I saw a huge kettle of green tea which was served to them by the host. I wanted to die with shame. Here, in Bahrain, I am an epitome of diet and exercise. I have people having green tea just for my visits. My friends mock my salads and grilled lunch choices. There, they have trainers who come in every day and dietitians who send them food every 3 hours - I was schooled.

While I don't judge their choices because I also believe in a healthy lifestyle, I did learn a valuable lesson. There is a long way to go to size 4 and with my weekend pitchers of Margaritas and my monthly dose of Karhai Paneer, my future doesn't look so bright. I will not give in to the mocking. I will make exercise and diet my passion (I have started positive thinking, and I am not kidding!). And I will not spend time coloring the sides of a fancy diary or writing a blog post. I will work to achieve my goals! You don't believe me, see this snapshot. And dare you mock me. Remember, I have hot mommies of Dubai to compete with. And if you ask me, you should look up to them as well.

Just for the weight though. I would crush them in other areas *smug smile*.

Sunday, December 4, 2016

The Voices in my Head

They tell me it is ok
Then they tell me it is not
When I look out for explanations
They tell me they are a confused lot.

‘Oh how convenient,’
I tell them out loud
Then they laugh at my misery
Tearing me apart, Making me not so proud.

These voices in my head
I wonder if you can hear 
Only if you did
I wouldn’t be someone you could bear...

These voices in my head
Do you have them too?
How do you push them away
So that you can be you?

'I am better than these voices,'
I sometimes calm myself and say
This is, ofcourse, yet another voice from my head
Which tried to be kind to me today!