2022 - So far, so bad!

 

Sir chakraye, raha na jaaye

Itna dizzy, ki kya bataye

March mein laga life badal gayi

July tak sab bigad gaya

October mein sab bhaad mein jaaye

November mein zor shor se 40^th manaye

Haaye December, tu kuch khush khabari laaye

Warna 2022, tu jaake apni G**** C******!!!!!

 

I am not the one to swear, but man this year has been a blast. The only way this year can redeem itself is by giving us one good news that we are waiting for. There are many things wrong with 2022, but there have been some right things too. Yes, we look at the bright side, but man, this is tough.

 I was finally diagnosed with the correct disorder this year in March. After several visits to the doctors, I saw a ray of hope. We went to Italy and celebrated in May. After coming back, I started with life altering medication. However, Covid struck in June, and it all went down. I had been doing a lot of affirmations, positive thinking, meditation, et al. but nothing could stop what was coming my way.

I went for two vacations in July and then in August – both were nightmarish due to my ill health. I don’t want to get into details but what followed was a month of PTSD. I was not clinically diagnosed, but I could feel it in every inch of my body. A lot of will power went behind getting up from the bed every single day, getting out of the house was another story which I want to forget.

September and October were again hellish with certain other things which I can’t disclose here. Yet I am planning my grand birthday party to get over this trauma and create some memories which might have the power to wipe out the depression that has been this year.

I am really hoping and praying for December to be better. I have never asked God for help so many times in my life and sometimes it feels it might never end. And then I think of things people go through and my thing may not be so bad.

I might be writing more swears in my poetry if things don’t change. And if they do, so many good news await this place that I might run out of space!! Right now, I am going to run, I mean, barely able to walk to my physiotherapist who is now tired of my constant crying, just like this blog?

Whatever! Wish me luck guys, I realllyyyyy need it!

Is anything ever enough?

The world is divided into haves and have nots. There are some who buy a purse which costs more than a person’s yearly salary. Then there are some who don’t know where their next meal will come from. I am grateful that I might be in the world’s top percentile when it comes to money, but am I doing enough to help those who need it?

Just yesterday we were at a signal in my resident country – Bahrain. It was probably the hottest day in this summer with temperature soaring in the late 40’s and humidity hitting nearly 90%. There was a healthy looking man frantically running from one car to the other trying to ask for money. His clothes were drenched in sweat, and he looked extremely harassed.

The husband and I never give any money to those who are begging on the streets, but this man seemed particularly disturbed. We crossed the signal but could not stop thinking about him. After about fifteen minutes we were at the same spot and saw him sitting on the grass nearby. We decided to give him some cash and so we drove around to get closer to him.

He asked us if we had a few seconds to listen to him. He then explained that he needed the money to go back to his home country and wanted a bit more for the ticket than what we were giving. We both didn’t find it appropriate and told him that this is all we could do and left from there.

Although I did my bit, I couldn’t help but feel guilty for not helping him enough. I was not satisfied but then, will I ever be? My house-help toils very hard each day to earn money for her grown up, well-settled children/men. She is old but relentless. Her motherly instincts annoy me but when I see her working so hard, I don’t know what to feel. Should I feel sorry for her and give her a little extra than what she earns, or should I help someone else who needs it more?

My pranic healer adviced me to donate to someone who is going through the same illness as me. He asked me to give them enough to completely heal. This has something to do with Karma – if you give for what you need, you will get the same in return. I looked up on Milaap.org and searched for people looking for money to cure their muscular disorders. I thought about the maximum amount I could give and searched accordingly. I have done this twice in the last year and really feel blessings are on my way.

Last month a cat moved to my garden with her two newly born kittens. These animals looked frail and in need of food. I do not like animals – it has something to do with my ability to not being able to escape if they attack me in any way. I shut my curtains so that I don’t see them! I thought I can provide them shelter by not going into the garden while they are here, but I cannot give them food because that will make them come near me all the time which I will not be able to handle. This is the maximum I could do. I am happy to report that they are growing up well, but I still don’t give them food!

I have helped many people with my time. I have cooked for friends who were not well. I have stayed on their bedside when they were admitted in the hospital. I have listened and given advice when needed. But nothing, nothing ever feels enough.

I compare this with how God must feel when we beg Him for something and He does only, what we consider, little to help us. We feel He has abundant power, yet he does not help us with all his might. Is he also limited like us? Does he feel guilty when he doesn’t do enough? Does he also think that he has given us the ability to beat the odds and we must rise up to the challenge whenever needed?

My analogy might be weird but atleast it gives me an understanding to why my prayers are not always answered. Just like the cat and her kittens, God has given me enough, and a power to survive in any circumstance. I will not feel guilty of not doing enough because nothing ever is. I will not feel sad when I don’t get enough, because, well, nothing ever is.

Heartfelt videos in times of Reels

 

It was my brother’s 40^th birthday in the year 2017. To make it special, I collected several photos of him, wrote a funny verse, found an apt song, and made a video of three minutes and thirty seconds. I uploaded the video on YouTube for easy sharing. That video had 200+ views and gained a lot of praise.

Yesterday, it was his wife’s 40^th. I love her even more and so I made an even better video for her with several songs, pictures, and even short clips of her dancing in between. It took me a long time to make this four minute thirty second video. So far, it has 40 views and, obviously, very little praise.

What has changed in the last five years? It is certainly not my talent – I combine perfect words with pictures and songs. On thinking about this unfortunate statistic, I realized that we are living in the times of twenty second stories, thirty second Reels, forty second Tik Tok videos, and one minute YouTube shorts.

We desire quick entertainment even though if you look at your mobile phone consumption, it has increased by leaps and bounds. We want to read our news in 280 characters on Twitter and not long essays describing everything in detail. We want to ‘read’ a book on Audible while we walk so that our time is utilized well.

I wonder how Ekta Kapoor is still managing twenty seasons of the same television series! Maybe, this is a trend for millennials and beyond. The boomers who watch news channels with repeated breaking news multiple times a day still have attention span that lasts longer than thirty seconds.

Technology is reducing our attention span and how. We require instant gratification. If we desire a food item, we have an application that will deliver it to us within minutes to satisfy our craving. We don’t have to wait for the weekend, we don’t have to drive, we don’t need to step out – it’s instant. If we don’t check our phones for a couple of hours, wee feel uneasy and anxious. Our mental health is going for a toss!

Coming back to decreased attention span, I am sure it is affecting our cognitive abilities. Do you remember a thirty second reel for someone’s birthday? You wouldn’t. But if you saw a five-minute video for a friend’s special occasion, it might be able to make an impact and you might remember it for years to come. It just goes on to say that we watch these short clips with an absent mind and never register what is said in them. While when we watch a longer video, we pay more attention and remember it for a long time.

Now I don’t have studies to prove it, I am sure Harvard, Yale and Columbia must be on it! But I can surely say it from experience that my failing memory is not just a consequence of aging – it is this desire for short gratification time and reduced patience for anything worth its while which gives my mind less time to register anything that it can memorize.

No, I am not old school to make four and half minute videos. I am just trying to give our generation a moment to think about what they are doing to their mental and cognitive abilities. Think smarter people, think smarter and use technology to your benefit.

2011 to 2021 - 29 to 39 A decade well travelled!

 I have been wondering what to write in my decade post since the end of 2020. 1.5 years later, I know exactly what to write. I already know what I will be writing in my 2030 post though.

When I was younger, I never thought I would get married. In the 90's, a girl with certain health issues was destined to remain single and live alone. The joke about living with cats also came in very late, I would have been a happier kid had I known I will have a certain feline for company. 

Anyway, when I did get married, I had no expectations of travel. In the sad 90's, my sojourns were restricted to Nainital, Dadi house, and Nani house. Thank God my grandmothers lived in different cities than mine, otherwise Pinki, Billu and Chacha Choudhary would have severely restricted world view.

2011 - I was exhilarated when the Boy and I decided to go to Europe in 2011. I thought it will be my first and who knows, last trip to the beautiful continent. I insisted on going to France and Switzerland because I wanted to see the best places first lest I never went back. That was the start of the wonderful adventure we embarked upon and we have never looked back.

2012 - The Boy had started a new job and so we decided to take it easy and went to Turkey. Istanbul was one hyped city I did not like.

2013 - Since we were scared we might not get to travel much in life, we ventured into the U.S. of A! I loved the beauty of California and the unabashed Vegas. New York wasn't for the small town people like us - but I want to go again to like it!.

2014 - This was the luckiest year of our life in many ways. We won a free trip to Bangladesh for a Cricket World Cup final. The trip was like no other. We then went to Austria to give our parents a taste of beautiful Europe. It was the first and last time I cooked meals on a trip. We can eat almost anything and survive on outside food for months, but the elderly parents needed ghar ka khana and I was a good daughter-in-law! Our third trip this year was to Greece with friends. Santorini was beautiful but ruined by glorifying sunsets and hordes of tourists (like us!). We won a lot of lucky draws in 2014 and also bought our first luxury car. Ah, such an amazing year!

2015 - We went to Cyprus in the summer of 2015. We swam in the beach every single day and consider it one of our best trips. We also went to Amsterdam, Black Forest and Munich for Oktoberfest this year. I tried magic mushrooms and marijuana and the joy of being lost in thought and mountains. All these three places remain our favourite. 2015 was a triumphant year!

2016 - Portugal was a hidden gem that found a place in our hearts, Spain was a tad over-rated but Ibiza did live up to the hype. But the best part of 2016 was our impromptu trip to Prague. The beauty of that city is etched in my heart forever and it is my favourite city in the world.

2017 - This was a tough year for me. I became weaker and discovered that only when I could not walk a lot in my travels. Everything had suddenly become more difficult and it made me cry several times in Croatia. Dubrovnik was a joy, and Hvar island remains a place with one of our fondest memories of sleeping at the ferry terminal! We also took a 26-hour flight and travelled across oceans to St. Kitts and Nevis, Antigua and Barbuda, Jamaica and Miami. Our love for Bob Marley was born.

2018 - We took a leap of faith and went for cruise to the Baltics. 13 days on a ship with seven ports and three days in St. Petersburg went by in a jiffy and left us craving for more. We dream of  cruises now and hopefully will return to them soon enough.

2019 - I took my first girls trip to Amsterdam. It was a nightmare!! My health makes me anxious and things weren't easy. I hope I can break that feeling and go back with my girls who insist on taking me again! We went to U.K and Ireland this year as well. Watching the Cricket World Cup in the mecca of cricket was an experience I will never forget. We went to Jindal Naturecure in Bangalore and learnt so much about our health and eating. And then, we went to Prague again and fell in love with every single minute there.

2020 - Little did we know this year will be a tough one. Since we did not travel to a foreign destination, we moved to the suburbs leaving a fun filled apartment life. We are village people now and like it in many ways. We miss the hustle bustle of the city and miss it a lot too! We did go to Goa which is a leap year tradition and we wouldn't have missed it for Corona!!

2021 - We went to our favourite Black Forest and discovered the joy of doing nothing in Budapest. It was one of the best trips also because it was after a long hiatus. Yes, we have been to Europe several times but its so gorgeous that I would go there year after year and not feel bored.

-

I consider myself very lucky that I can travel so much. We go to India atleast twice a year and visit Dubai often. Travelling from Bahrain is not easy - it requires long flights and expensive tickets since air travel isn't cheap here. Yes, we spend a lot of money on this but it is how we relish every year of our life. We plan to spend more and more and invest in these memories for best returns in our old age. I leave a piece of my heart wherever I go and give flying kisses to the hotels. I don't miss my bed or friends or anything. Travel with the Boy is easily my most favourite thing and hence, this decade was amazing beyond words!

It's not the Travel Bug

 

They tell me they miss their bed

After a few days of travel, home is where they want to head

They find comfort only within their own four walls

They want their dal chawal and no spaghetti with meatballs!

Hotels and B & B’s are only good for a few days

They find their house the best resting place.

 

Why is that not the case with me

With you I can travel wild and carefree

Days, weeks, and months can pass by

Yet I don’t miss an iota of familiar sky

I realize, that with you I can forever roam

Because, with you darling, I am home.

Adulting is hard

 Adulting is hard, and I am not doing even a miniscule of what others do! I mean where are the days of sleeping at any time, eating just about anything, and feeling no burden of what old age holds? When you are getting closer to 40, your brain gets to eat more junk than your stomach.

Just last night I ate two squares of dark chocolate after dinner and it messed up my sleep. For one, I would have loved to eat a whole bar of Mars. But I compromise, people! I had the good for health and the blood pressure dark chocolate without realizing it is high in caffeine which is an antidote for my beauty sleep after 4 pm. Yes, that’s how amazing my adult system has become. And that is just the beginning of my complaints!

I began drinking alcohol pretty late in life. I had a few glasses here and there, but my career really began after I got married at 26. Come 38, it stopped abruptly due to palpitations post a few shots of the good old tequila/gin tonic. I mean, who has even heard of that? With that my uncontrollable laughter and incessant singing and dancing halted as well. I try to act drunk, but let’s face it, I am so bad at faking that I can’t even complete a happy birthday tune without getting bored and judging my shrill voice.

Don’t get me started on the sky-rocketing stress levels. When I was in 10^th standard, I had my math preliminary exam. I was awful at everything that involved a,b,cd,x,y san, cos and theta. My cousin sister woke up at 4 am on the day of my exam to help me learn and I got through with just enough mrks to save her face. That was the exact amount of stress level that I was capable of handling and I thought existed in this world.

However, counting backwards to fall asleep while waiting for my whole exome sequencing results is not what I signed up for! I knew it was hard to wake up and that’s what alarm clocks and talking to your pillow to wake you up was made for, but sleep meditation for getting you into slumber, ah, no one taught me that.

I can’t imagine what my fragile friends with multiple kids and high-power jobs go through. They can’t even poop without consciously adding 30 gm of fibre to their meals!

We were taught how to save money. Your grumpy aunt gives you a thousand bucks, you buy a few candies and save the rest. By the time I was 18, my blue purse with a panda family on the cover had ten thousand rupees which can easily translate to one lakh of today. We were never told that if that money stays in that purse, it rots and loses its sheen. When I see 16-year olds talking about crypto and Tesla stock now, I laugh at them. But they are smarter than us for sure because their money will increase with rising inflation.

Although they are adulting faster than us too. Someone please tell them to slow down because their future, like ours, is all about falling interest rates, bulls and bears, tums and ibuprofens, and counting your chocolates before you count numbers to fall asleep.

Realisations at 39

 I have only recently realised quite a few things. Maybe because I am growing older, I have started thinking straight, or because I have started looking inwards more. Whatever it is, the realisations are not fun.

Firstly, I have become boring. I used to love to gossip. It was a major bonding factor with so many friends. Juicy info about people use to make my eyes shine bright and I use to beam with excitement. However, after many, many hiccups, gossip is not fun anymore. Even if you hear a story about someone, you cannot share it with many people because of the consequences it can bring to your social life. And what fun is gossip if you have to keep it a secret?

Secondly, I have started to think about my future more. I was never a person who focused on memories. And I was always a planner thinking ahead. But this planning was for a couple of years at max. It involved where our next vacation is going to be and how we are going to celebrate the next new year. Now, however, I think about old age and where life is leading us. I blame mid-life for this, and it totally sucks.

Thirdly, I now ask myself the forever eternal question - what am I doing with my life! Asking this question is like falling into a deep abyss to a point of no return. I have dedicated my life to my health, and it seems I was not able to do anything about it. I was meant to be the way I am, and it would have been better if I used my life in some other way. It's never too late to restart, right? Right.

I have always been the jealous type. I still am. But now, I have started feeling happy for people more than I feel jealous of them!!!!! Yeah, I told you, I have become boring.

We moved to the suburban part of Bahrain in 2020. We were bored to death and wanted an adventure. Little did we realise that we are completely changing our life. We eat at different places now. We hang out with different people – mostly people with kids who have chosen this suburban life for their families. We discuss their children’s problems and realise how lucky we are to be child-free and hence, stress-free! The move has also made me realise how lonely this world is and how easy it is to make friends because everyone is looking to meet new people – you just have to open up a bit and welcome them into your world with open arms.

Lastly, I have realised I will never take my vacations for granted. It was a blessing to travel every 2-3 months and now that I am stuck in the same city since months, I realise how important they were to me. I hate to cook and do laundry these days – the only responsibility I have!! It was because I use to take breaks, I was able to happily do housework. Without a break I am a housewife who does not do any housework. I just cannot go on living that monotonous life day in and day out.

Post lastly, I want to write more often. This is not a realisation but a vow. With so many people around me turning 40, I have an equal number of souls striving to achieve something in life. Some are struggling and some are already there. One common thing between all of them is that they work hard at life. I do too. I just need to shift my focus.

Oh yeah, that is a wonderful realisation.

A Friend in Need

 

Why do I come here whenever I am a little lost? Why this need to write it all down and want the world to read it? No wonder we have so many people who are sad in life and are writers! But hey, at least they write fiction.

I can also write fiction. So, I met a girl last evening. She seemed all sorted and happy and having the time of her life. We got into talking and one thing led to the other and she told me she was suffering. She had chronic pain which kept her awake at night. She wouldn’t cry but when she would see sunlight she would feel miserable and question why was this happening to her. Day would pass, pain would become a memory because of the pills she was taking, and gradually she would think of all the good things in her life and feel grateful. That is when she met people like me when she seemed her happiest self.

And then the pain would come back. She tells me it could be worse. She has read forums where people end up in hospitals due to pain. She says at least she doesn’t have a mental illness, at least she can meditate and de-stress herself. I just nod along because I don’t know what to tell her. She is completely sorted, just like I told you she was. There is no advice to give, no consolation. She starts to talk about the weather, and I know she wants to end this discussion. We move on to trivial things in life and just like that she starts laughing and making jokes.

We live in a funny world. Our parents told us not to share our misery. Our friends, media and education tell us to open up. As much as I would like to discuss my problems, it’s not easy. I would feel judged. And I wouldn’t want to get use to it. Imagine if this girl was telling her ‘sob story’ to every person she met. Imagine if this is all she could talk about because it consumed her entire day and she really didn’t have much else to discuss, would you want to meet her frequently? Now if she hid her scars and be her funny self, you would call her a positive, bubbly girl who brings you joy. Of course she would hesitate to tell you about her pain and have the title taken away from her!

So, what’s the middle ground? Should we all see therapists to discuss our woes? Or maybe we should have one best friend who knows it all and gives us consolation. We be transparent with that one person and a different individual with the rest of the world. What if that one person gets bored, moves away, or has reasons not to listen to us? Then we find another. Or better still, write a journal/blog because it is cathartic.

May we all find that one outlet that gives us a deep sense of happiness. May we have a friend, can tell a tale, paint a story, or sing a tune to escape our misfortune. And may we always, always keep our happy crown in place because fake or real, a smile does resolve our sorrow.

Ah, who knew a fictitious girl can teach you so much in just one little interaction!

The first win of 2022

 

I spend a lot of money on health care. And going by my current status, I will be spending most of my savings on it. So, when I receive some insurance money, it just makes me feel overjoyed!

This incidence happened with the receptionist at my physiotherapy centre. Under my current insurance plan, I am supposed to get atleast ten physiotherapy sessions. Given that I take more than fifty sessions a year, I try everything to get that money. It seems that insurance companies have recently made the process harder since, I believe, covid must have increased the number of claims.

Anyway, so this receptionist, lets call her M, was to give me the details of all my last sessions so that I can claim them. She also had to give me a filled-out form. I went to her three times but she kept delaying the process. It was December, she had some end of the year work and possibly an upcoming vacation. She kept saying that she needs me to get a doctor’s reference for the form without which I will not get any money. I kept insisting her to give me whatever she can give me from her side and I will see what I can do next.

The third time that I went to her, I found her attitude extremely rude. I was requesting and she was giving me excuses. I came home and wrote a gentle email to the centre requesting them for the same.

I received my documents the next day, without the filled-out form for which M demanded a ‘reference’. I anyway submitted whatever I had to the insurance company. Oh, by the way, I have been going to this centre since last four years without any reference!

As expected, the insurance company rejected my claim but they did send me an email citing their reasons. I reverted to them after which they asked for the ‘doctor’s reference’!!

I wrote another gentle email. I told them I do not visit doctors on a regular basis (which saves them money!). I told them I have been receiving physiotherapy ever since I remember, and I have been claiming ten sessions every year. I attached ‘doctor’s reference’ from 20 years ago.

It has been twenty days since that email and today 142 Bahraini dinar (INR 28000) was credited to my account.

I am proud to say that I was very polite during all my interactions. The only time I got angry was when M spoke rudely to me. It was her job to give me what I needed and she was being a pain. However, I was very cordial with her (more so because I have to see her face twice a week!). Maybe she did get a mouthful from her boss after my email, but that is their problem.

This amount of money is miniscule of what I spend. But it is about principles, kindness, ethics and doing the right thing. I am glad I won this small battle!

 

Taking Inspiration from the World

 

There are times in my fitness journey that I have to look outside for motivation. For this I follow several people on Instagram and read about them. It inspires me every day and it makes my problems feel minuscule in the grand scheme of things.

So I have this tiny crush on a woman (let’s call her Zee) whom I follow on Instagram. Nothing attracts me more than a person graciously exercising every day and motivating people through example. This lady is pretty, she is 47, and has abs that can give Katrina Kaif’s Kaala chashma look a run for its money. Just the type of abs I like in a woman! I am straight, just FYI!

A couple of days back Zee wrote her story. It started 6 years back when she found out her husband was cheating on her for a long time. She filed for divorce, fought for her rights and the custody of her kids, and at the same time had to deal with rumours which said that it was her who had an extra marital affair.

If you see the kind of career and body she has made in the last six years, you will be super impressed. Whether it was revenge or necessity, we will never know. But the lady is an inspiration.

The other woman, lets call her Es, is 43. Yes, yes, when you are reaching your forties, you tend to look for people in forties for inspiration! I also think that when you are nearing forties you tend to do more of inspiring stuff – midlife crisis or whatever! Anyway, Es looks like she has got it all together. She works 24/7 as a diet consultant, goes to the gym where she makes videos for her followers, walks a minimum of 10,000 steps and takes care of a household. In the last 4 years she has lost 45 kgs and is now on her way to make killer abs.

Es has battled depression, miscarriages, and a traumatic experience where her best friend morphed her photos and circulated on social media because of some misunderstanding! Even during the toughest phase she managed to talk to and inspire her clients in their journey of weight loss. Here I don’t even feel like talking to my friends if I have period cramps!

So what I am trying to say is this – the fact that everyone is fighting a battle is true. But during this time if we manage to take care of our body, we can emerge out of every problem triumphantly. When you see your before after pictures, when you feel those happy hormones in your body after a gym session, when you look at yourself in the mirror and see how far you have come – your problems take a back seat.

Like I told a friend a few days back – food is the only thing we have control over. Start your fitness journey and see yourself transform into something extraordinary.

Meanwhile, I am trying. I am slow, but I am progressing. It will be years before I can show you my before after pictures, but it will happen. And trust me when I say, this journey is absolutely wonderful!

 

Memories from the Germany-Hungary trip

 

When you visit a new place, every single day is an experience. Sometimes there are challenges which make you learn and grow. Isn’t that what travel all about? Apart from the immense joy it brings to your life, of course!

So this year when we went to Germany and Hungary, the Boy and I had our share of interesting experiences which I thought I’d share here.

Transport offense

Our hotel in Frankfurt gave us a complimentary pass for the local transport for the length of our stay which was 4 nights. It had my name spelt wrong so I had to change it when I noticed the mistake the next day. On day 3, we were on a local tram when the inspectors came to check the tickets. We took ours out and as I was holding and waiting for the inspectors, I noticed that the receptionist had given me a 2-day pass by mistake and it was now expired! The inspector came to our seat and just as I was about to show him my ticket, he walked behind us where a drunk man was sitting and spitting all over the place. We had actually noticed him before and therefore decided to change our seats and sit away from him. Anyway, the inspector and his colleague dragged him out and made him get off at the next stop. We too got off without them checking our tickets!

It was a narrow escape. Even though the fine was 60 euro, I had major palpitations because I am the types who follows the rules to the T. Lesson learnt – drunk people are super cool.

License blunder

While we were in Baden-Baden, we went to pick up our pre-booked car. We had plans to drive around the Black Forest for 3 days. We had done the area before in public transport and so this time we wanted to do something different. It was quite exciting because the prospect of stopping anywhere, going to random places without planning, and just exploring at our own pace was fun in itself.

When we went to Sixt to pick up our vehicle, the manager asked the Boy for his international driver’s licence, his passport and his licence from the country of residence. Now when we travel, we tend to empty our wallets and keep only the necessary cards and cash. The Boy had left his national licence in Bahrain because it was not required. The manager refused to give us a car without it.

Frustrated that all our plans will need to change now, we tried to contact the other car rental agencies. Avis readily agreed to give us a car with our documents in hand and we had a Volkswagon in less than half an hour!

Lesson learnt – keep only the important things with you when you travel. Oh, we know this from before!

Health struggles

I always plan my trips very diligently because I don't want any health struggles. I have difficulty climbing steps and walking uphill and so before going to a place of interest, I see how the location is wheelchair friendly because if it is good for a disabled, it should be ok for me.

This trip was planned at the last moment due to forever changing covid numbers. I was not able to plan every single thing. When we were in Budapest, we decided to go to a cute near-by village called Szentendre. This town was one hour by train. When we reached the train station I saw that the step into the trains was very high. Usually the Boy lifts me up in such situations. But I have a thing with trains. Since they stop only for a minute or two, I panic in case of a difficulty. That is exactly what happened. I could not climb, it was a huge step, the Boy tried to help me but his usual style wasn't working, and the train's door was about to shut and leave the station!

It was the scariest moment ever. But my Knight in shining Armour lifted me with all his might and I was in the train. It took me a while to get over this and while returning I was just glad that Szentendre was the first station for the train and I had ten minutes to get into it!

Why o Why do they make steps like that! We need a more inclusive society and this is one reason I dread going back to India. There I can't do anything alone!

Leap of faith

I love being in nature. The idea of being in a dense forest with the smell of nothing but trees and wet sand is my most favourite thing in the world. But unfortunately, most of this involves hiking which I cannot do. When we were in Baden-Baden, we took a cable car to the top of a hill. This place had mesmerizing views and a dense forest along the way. It was approximately 4 kilometres from the base which didn't seem like a difficult task going downhill.

I entered a part of the trek on the top and was amazed by how serene it was. Emotions took over me and I started walking downhill convincing the Boy that I will manage the whole way. After one kilometer I realised what a mistake this was. Although I was loving every breath I took, each step felt like an enormous task. With several breaks we managed to reach the base but by then it had started raining and I was drained! I lost balance and fell down, without getting hurt, thankfully. We didn't have a car on this day and the bus was about half an hour away. With no bench in sight, we decided to call a cab.

The next day was super scary! When I walked out of the hotel for breakfast, the floor was moving. My nervous system had completely gone bonkers from the experience! I prayed for this to pass which it did in two days.

Will I do the downhill trek again! Oh, yes, but probably towards the end of the trip so that I can have my bed rest for two days!

Sweetest gestures

When we called the cab after my experience mentioned above, it was raining heavily. On arrival to the hotel, the cab driver told me to wait in the car. He ran to take out an umbrella from the boot and escorted me to the hotel door! I cannot forget his sweet face ever! 

--- 

Ah, sweet memories, I want to go back already!

How to get a digital EU Covid health pass if you are vaccinated outside of Europe

If you are familiar with Covid-19 applications, then there must be one which is widely used in your country. It has your vaccination details, your test history, the situation in your country, and is needed at many places for entry. Similarly, Germany has Luca for its citizens and since June, EU launched an application which saves your vaccine certificate digitally to make travel easy between the Schenghen zone. It is called CovPass.

How to have your vaccination certificate issued in your country visible on the CovPass or how to convert your vaccination certificate into an EU digital certificate? The process is simple although it has certain steps.

First, you have to find the pharmacies that issue digital vaccine certificate in a particular city. Our first city was Baden-Baden in Germany. I found a list of pharmacies there which issue the same and emailed a few. This list can be found here.

There were a few that said that they will not convert, but one responded in the positive. It said that they need my vaccination proof with a QR code and my passport.

When we landed, this is the first thing we did. The pharmacist scanned my QR code and performed checks on their device. Then she issued me an equivalent vaccine certificate for Germany which had another QR code. All I had to do then was scan this code into the CovPass and I was done! I was now free to move in the Schenghen zone! I could also scan this code in the local Luca application which was checked at many places in Germany.

Note that I am vaccinated with Pfizer Biontech vaccine. You can only get an EU pass with certain vaccines. As far as I know, Sinopharm and Sputnik are not accepted.

We travelled to Germany, Hungary and France after this and did not have any problems. We showed our CovPass whenever asked which was quite a few times and it was easily accepted.

To find the list of pharmacies issuing this certificate will require some research. For the German list, you can look here.

There might soon be a global application to show your vaccination status. Or better still, Covid-19 will miraculously vanish from the face of the world and we will be able to jump with joy across borders without any problems.

Planning a trip during this pandemic requires a lot of research. But trust me, it is all worth it in the end!

P.s. Rules regarding Covid-19 are forever changing. This was my experience in August 2021 in Germany. Please do your research before travelling.

How to choose a travel destination during the Covid-19 pandemic

The Boy and I live for travel. Our lives change when we take a break of two weeks and explore a new place. The experience rejuvenates us mentally and gives us plenty of memories to go on for the next few months. Although this is the smallest issue, but this is the only (thankfully) reason that the pandemic has been hard on us.

So as soon as travel became a little safer, we took our Schenghen visa appointment and decided to fly into Europe. Our criteria was simple –

-        -   there should be a direct flight from Bahrain to the destination because masks are hard to wear for longer periods of time,

-     -   no Quarantine requirements,

-      - high rate of vaccination,

-       -  and new covid cases numbers should be low.

 

That gave us only one city to fly into – Frankfurt. We were excited since Frankfurt is close to one of our favourite regions in the world – The Black Forest. We decided to go to Hamburg and Berlin as well but as we were planning, the Delta variant started spreading in densely populated areas of Germany and so we decided to travel to Hungary after the Black Forest.

Ah, I planned and planned but things changed constantly. I have no complaints though!

So how do you track covid numbers diligently and choose your vacation spots? There is a lot of data available online which makes everything very easy.

The first thing to consider is the incidence rate in any place. This is the number of new cases per 100,000. Usually, it is the average number of cases per week. The higher the number, the more the cases. Also, higher number means more curfews, chances of lockdown, greater use of masks, and an exhausted healthcare sector. When we started planning for the trip in July, the number for Germany was less than 1. When we returned, it had become 11 which is quite high. Hungary was less than 1 when we went and changed to 2 when we left.

If the world is your oyster, consider opening google maps. Click on ‘Layers’ and then press ‘Covid info’. When you zoom into any country, you will be able to see the incidence rate of that place. That was our starting point.

The next thing to check is the positivity rate. This is the percentage of people who test positive of the number of tests taken. The more the testing, the better you feel about how the government is reacting to the pandemic. Germany was taking only 1 test per thousand of its population which is low in comparison to its neighbours, but the positivity rate was also low at 1%. It increased to 8% when we left.

It is also great to see a local website of the country which can be found by checking where Worldometer is taking its data from. For Germany,this website has comprehensive data.

Now those are a lot of statistics to look at before you travel. But if you want to be safe and feel comfortable during your travels, this is the best way to go. For some people, ignorance is bliss. That is clearly not the case with me. I am not paranoid, but I am not carefree either.

It is another thing that you forget all about these numbers when you are on a holiday. I did not check covid info even once while we were on the vacation because by then we had already taken the plunge! If the laws are not stringent, nobody wears masks in these countries. We were the only people in most places who were very serious about masks and sanitisers. My prime concern was that I don’t want to fall ill in a foreign country even though I was fully vaccinated and my risk of serious illness is very low.

Coming up next - How to get an EU Covid Digital Health Pass while in Germany/Europe and bits from the trip!

Start, restart, whatever!

 Wen you are 38, everything becomes slow. I thought it happened at 75, but it seems it starts in your mid-thirties. People tell you it will, but you vow to stay young at heart. Bullshit!

But the good thing about slow is all the extra time you get to be wiser. You start meditating on things and it makes slow, umm, interesting. You are not in a hurry to get anywhere; your expectations are really low with results and you are prepared to be patient.

That doesn’t make the journey easier. But then you look at the bright side, or, sides. You start believing in sustainable. You start understanding energy, and aura, and positivity. You explore areas you never thought existed. And it is all because of that horrible thing called SLOW.

I am slowing down. I slowed down way before but I was in denial. Now I am in the know. Knowing that you are not getting anywhere fast enough makes disappointments easier to handle. So I fall, I learn and I rise again much faster. For example, I was running to get somewhere for the last six weeks. Slow results started to disappoint me after week five. I took three days, exactly three days, and I am on day one of until I fall again.

Yeah, I am sure I will fall, but I know I will rise, maybe more quickly the next time because I fell slowly too but I rose faster.

I am beginning to see the good sides of getting older. Besides having more money than when you had in your twenties, or dreaming of travelling business someday, you also get insight. You become intelligent emotionally. You learn how to get rid of useless feelings. And you restart where you fell.

If you read this blog often (which you don’t!) you will see how the writer has grown up. I don’t write rants anymore because I don’t get time after a situation which gives rise to a rant. I am busy starting again!

Sounds exciting, right? I bet you cant wait to grow up if you haven’t already. I am still not sure if that is good or bad. I will go with good for the time being!

Quest to Cure

In my quest to heal myself, I’ve been studying a lot lately. Its all jumbled up right now because every single thing that I come across catches my attention and I deviate from the current subject! But I am learning something new every day and that is what matters, isn’t it?

One of the most interesting ideas that I read was in a book called ‘The last Best Cure by Donna Jackson Nakazawa’. According to her, our past traumas, especially the ones that happen before we enter adulthood, cause deep effect on us leading to illnesses later in life. Be it passing of a parent, a sudden shock, physical or emotional abuse – they all lead to damaging our cells in some way or the other.

I already knew parenting was hard, but to be present for your children in such a huge way is next to impossible. The only way out is to love your child unconditionally and make them feel that adulation all the time. It not only helps in building their confidence but also keeping them healthy in the long run. It certainly heals all wounds and all that they are going through without telling you.

This also brings me to the current state of our country. The pandemic is severely affecting adults and kids alike. Our country is collectively gearing up for PTSD. What happens to these kids in adulthood when they have been exposed to next to nothing during the past year and a half? The media is constantly creating fear, parents are afraid, and losing near and dear ones is not helping. The emotinal damage because of this is inconceivable.

What happens when we realise later in life that we faced a trauma, or some form of abuse which affects us health-wise? How do we get over it? Apparently by practicing mindfulness,forgiveness, and gratitude. I’ve had my share of things in the past which surface as I practice mindfulness. Things I didn’t even think mattered have emerged as quite important during meditation.

Frankly, I am new to all this. I have no idea how imperative these thoughts are. Are they coming out on their own from my subconscious mind or is my brain creating them? More importantly, when I practice forgiveness and gratitude, will these ‘traumas’ from my past have less effect on my body and mind in the future?

Well, we have been told time and again that we must forgive and forget, we must be grateful for what we have, and we must remain positive under all circumstances. But it wasn’t until now that I learnt how to truly do these things. Sometimes I feel I will go crazy reading this stuff! At other times I want to go crazy in the quest to find a second life for me..

I truly hope and pray that these efforts will be successful and I will emerge a better person physically and mentally. I am amazed at my experiences and I will document them when the miracle happens.

Until then, I am deep in my thoughts and journaling them here helps me a lot!

Dreams

This time, last year, I was weaving stories for the A to Z challenge to make up for the lull that was April, 2020. How naive we all were then, how naive we are now. So much has changed in the last one year even though we are supposedly in a partial global lockdown with little that is happening.

Life is ironic and how! At a personal level this has been a dramatically positive time for me. I feel almost guilty for saying it out loud when the world is going through so much strife. I do pray and wish this was over soon and we don't end up losing a lot, but I can't help and wonder how this year has been good for me.

I can't delve into details, not just as yet because I want to weave a long detailed story around it. Today I want to talk about dreams. Do you have vivid dreams?

I usually see dramatic visuals during wee hours of the morning when I am just about to wake up. Maybe I just remember those dreams because I am half awake. Lately, I have been having such life affirming visions that I am positive a huge change is coming.

Before I use to see people from my past and present. I use to see mundane things about my school days, college life, missing a flight, being unprepared for an exam, events surrounding my friends and family, etc. There were several occasions when I woke up and wanted to call up the person I saw in my dream and tell him/her about the incident! And now, now I see myself. I see me soaring high in ways I cannot explain. When I go to sleep I cannot wait to dream yet another amazing incident that happens with me and then interpret that dream on google! There are times I see negative explanations, but I choose to see only the part that makes me happy and focused on reaching my goals.

What has led to these dreams? Well, I've been reading and practicing the power of my subconscious mind and focusing on results. I am also being healed by a pranic healer who, I feel, is a magician of sorts! I am writing down these dreams in detail so that when the time comes, I can share them since, as you know, I like to share everything!

Infact, I should have documented all my vivid dreams - how beautiful it is to be lost in a parallel world where anything and everything is possible. Ah, I am watching Anne with an E and her penchant for extreme imagination is having an effect on me!

I wonder what I would be writing about this day next year. I have two things in mind, but for that you will have to come back on 15 April 2022.

Meditate to stay strong

 

I started meditating in 2019. I was in this weird place where everything anyone said to me/about me bothered me to no end. It made me feel small and miserable and I wanted a way out.

Little did I realise that it was a small reason to open me to a plethora of possibilities. I started looking inwards for many answers and affirmations. When you’ve had an illness since childhood your brain is truly messed up. Mine was(is) no exception.

As I entered my late 30’s, I saw everyone around me becoming serious about their health. I witnessed couch potatoes become marathon runners, food connoisseurs become gym champions, night owls become yoga gurus, you get the drift. I realised that my necessity to exercise to keep my muscles moving was clearly the need of every individual around me. I finally felt relieved – everyone in this world was battling a sickness!

And those who were keeping fit just to stay in shape started to inspire me. However, I’ve been at it since I was in kindergarten and almost half my lifetime later, I am bored of doing every regime. If you think you can push your children to stay healthy by making them exercise regularly as kids, you are highly mistaken mister! I had a stationary cycle at home, I was assigned a yoga teacher and I was made to do different exercises, but thirty years later, I still hate them all. Make your children fall in love with their body, fitness shall follow.

Free advice from a child-free person aside – over the last few years I have come to understand that mind is more powerful than muscle, and boy, I have plenty of that! Few minutes of regular meditation later, I feel I am a happier and a more determined person. I have a few techniques in my pocket starting from chakra awakening to focusing on your breath to Buddhism and I follow them all depending on my mood. Trust me, they all work.

Meditation is also the go-to thing for lazy bums like me. You can do it lying down, slouching on the couch on a rainy afternoon or while trying to fall asleep. I have a crazy mind that wanders from 1989 to 2009 to 2019 within a span of few seconds. Focusing on my breath for a few minutes a day gives it a much-needed break.

Lately the Boy and I have started watching Headspace on Netflix. I found the series very impressive and plan to re-watch once I finish. The idea is to remember to meditate whenever the mind wanders. I truly believe happiness and perseverance are most important and beyond any disability that you may have. Meditation helps you get closer to acing them and that too while just staying still!

A Letter

 

Dear Chronic Illness,

I saw you in the morning while on my a.m. walk around the compound. After exactly ten strides, you made an appearance on my hips. They danced from left to right giving Michael Jackson a run for his money. After ten minutes, you told me to stop and sit down.

As much as I like to rule the world, I hate the fact that I am ruled by you! I am like the head of state who is constantly guided by a leader in the background. People term me as a meek person who gives up easily in various circumstances despite the picture seemingly looking fine. Oh well, they don’t know about you, the ‘wind’, sorry, the ‘storm’ beneath my wings.

The other day I had to visit a friend who lives in my old building. I was slightly nervous that you will meet me there and spoil my mood. It was meant to be a fun evening of chit-chat and good food, but you don’t like any of that, do you? As soon as you saw that tiny step at the entrance of the building, you cried for help like you were drowning in Titanic. You knew the drill and had experienced this a million times before. Yet when the moment came, you caved and became nervous. You could have worn a life jacket, asked for help and glided through, but you couldn’t just let go of your constant need for attention, could you? My friend felt guilty that she didn’t extend her hand on time and I felt bad for making her feel that way. All because of you.

It is not like I ignore you – infact you are all I think about. Then why do you behave like an insecure lover constantly calling me, messaging me, tracking my whereabouts and then pouncing on me whenever I seem to be having a little bit of fun? You clearly need distraction.

Even though you pull me back in nearly everything in life, I have befriended you indefinitely. Yes, I don’t have a choice, but I do have a choice to resent you, don’t I? Yet I think God chose me to handle you because He thought I could take it. Of course I don’t relish you, that would be very saint-like and heaven knows, I am not one! I am proud of the person I am despite you constantly by my side, mistreating me. However, in my 38 years, I have learnt to abide by your ever-changing rules and being upbeat in all circumstances.

Like I do every few months, I am planning to take you to yet another rehabilitation. We have not tried this one before and I am sure you will be extremely reluctant to this change. Like every time, you will try to pull me down so that I give up. But like you, I am a fighter. Let’s learn to co-exist in peace – I will not push your limits, you don’t take me to the edge.

Or else? Ah, I can’t do much, can I? I will call you names, struggle, cry a bit and then think of a new program that suits both of us. I am not giving up. Nah. Never.

 

The Dog Walkers of Vista Villas

Mini, Manas, Mark, and Mohammad

All got a dog each to play

They sit inside and cuddle them

While the walkers take the canines out every day.

 

I see them with a leash in their hand

They come in groups of two

Chatting away like on a mission

Discussing everyone barring a few.

 

I want to overhear their conversations

But their language I don’t understand

They cook, clean, and slog in the homes

To earn money in this strange, strange land.

 

Yet when they are out with these dogs

They seem as free as the ocean

Guiding the animals, giving them orders

I envy their laughter, love their motion.

 

I wonder how many stories they know

Of the family they and their friends work for

I’m curious about their lives back home

Of their children, of what their future has in store.

 

I call them the dog walkers of Vista Villas

Who stroll out of their rooms at dusk and dawn

Hiding a story, sharing a secret

Forgetting their troubles while life goes on.

 

 

 

 

In the blink of an Eye

Nothing in life is permanent

Things change with a dramatic event

It becomes your before and after

You wish for monotony rather.

But it is not up to you, is it?

Even if you want to quit

These events shape our lives

It’s about who loses, who survives.

 

Your learning all these years is determined by

What you do

When life changes

In the blink of an eye.