Nisha Sheds Inhibitions

I hopped over to a blog which had titles like the one above. I fell in love immediately. Here’s to many more like this one!!

So I’ve been this girl who’s always thinking ‘what will people think’. I got married to a boy who is never thinking ‘what will people think’. His casualness and ability to live life on his own term has been inspiring me and I’m starting to shed all my inhibitions.

There have been a lot of little things which are difficult to account for. Being married to him has literally given me a new life – one in which I can be myself. When I was younger, my mum use to walk behind me so that nobody notices my gait. Now I don’t blame her – she did the best she could to protect me from the world. But this guy, he walks with me, always gives me a hand, picks me up when I can’t climb, and never even notices that he’s doing something ‘different’. Now if I won’t learn from him, I won’t learn from anyone.

Other than these physical issues, which I really don’t want to talk about because they are so boring (!), there has been a lot of psychological changes as well. A few days back this girl – my father’s brother’s wife’s mother’s sister’s daughter (LITERALLY) pinged me on Facebook. This is what she wrote –

Hi

How are you

Any good news?

Now this question irritates every married woman. And when it comes from a total stranger – my blood practically boils. I’m a very patient and calm person, but something like this is absolutely annoying. There is a way to start a conversation with your acquaintances, this was totally crossing a line. Being me, I was polite and said – ‘Hi. I am good. No good news.’

I thought my straight forward reply will give her a hint. But she went a step ahead and asked me – ‘Are you not planning or you don’t want an issue?’

Imagine the audacity!!! I just wanted to write ‘none of your business.’ Even the Boy told me to say this. For the first time, I crossed the line, however politely, I said, ‘No offense, but I don’t think this is important.’

That was the end to the conversation! Really, WORLD – Grow up!!!!

In the second recent instance, I made a video on this blog. It was a big deal for me. I’m not too fond of my voice. I’m also aware that I make too many facial expressions. I’m too conscious of how I look. And I’m too worried of the fact that if I make a video for a few thousand rupees, what will people think!!

So this exercise was another way of shedding inhibitions. The first person to see this video was my friend Y who, sort of, worships me. Ahem! I needed a confidence boost so I also showed it to a couple of blogger friends. Only once they approved, I put it up.

Now we were asked to make this video public. I didn’t realise that it went up automatically on Google Plus as well. One of Boy’s colleague’s saw it and he forwarded it to the others. I wanted to run away from the country!!

Seriously, I couldn’t sleep well for one whole night. But then, I realised that my purpose was to let go and just be myself. And so I stopped thinking about it.

I’m all of 32 and still have a lot to learn. It’s one of my dreams to let go of ALL my inhibitions. One day, I probably will. 

Meanwhile, how concious are you about everything? Am I just like everyone else?