Whisker Woes!

This post is a part of the 'Shave or Crave' movement in association with BlogAdda.com

Stubble, Stubble go away,

Come again the next day.

How to keep these evening whiskers at bay,

This is what my years of experience has to say:

If you drool at other men, it will never work,

Forget about a clean shaven kiss, you’ll get his smirk.

If you tell him he looks old, it won’t hurt his pride,

For Darling, he thinks it’s not how you look, it’s what you feel inside!

‘I won’t wax if you don’t shave’ will defeat your cause,

You love your little black dress – he knows that Boss.

Try comparing him with Santa, a furry animal or a woodsy guy,

He’ll wait till you start PMS’ing and give you an apt reply.

Hypnotherapy tape that repeats ‘I will shave every evening’ can have repercussions,

Once in a while you will hate these daily compulsions.

Trading with a massage or a pedicure won’t force him to shave,

He’ll avail his special offers smartly, all you will do is Crave!

Use your brains, play with his mind,

Don’t hurt his ego, be extra kind.

Psychology works wonders, do what Pavlov did,

Be patient with Conditioning, I do not kid.

Pavlov who? To cut the useful Psychology lesson short -

If he shaves in the evening, show Him your full support.

Even if it means his favourite meal, a boy’s night, some passionate kissing,

Or an extra peg, a neck massage, a good loving.

Keep your goodies ready whenever he shaves in the evening,

Don’t mention your plan, just keep him guessing.

After a while he will notice a behavioral pattern in you,

That is, Evening shave = fun, Stubble = nothing new!

Keep the goodies coming as you see the stubble fade away,

How long will this take? Depends on you Babay!

Mutual love and affection doesn’t hurt anyone,

When you do things for each other – the fun has just begun!

How can I be so sure? - you may ask,

I've been doing this for a while and it's hardly a task.

I crave for the smoothness, he loves to feel special,

Simply being nice is what makes this life Magical! 

Fond Friday 'F'ilosophies

Belief

Faith

Attitude

Wish 

Truth

Sometimes, all it takes is a beautiful thought to express how you feel and who you are.

Movie Review - Dabangg 2

One of the best things about living in the Middle East is that you get to watch Bollywood flicks on Thursday. And some enthusiastic cutlets watch and write the review as soon as they come home!

So, anyway, I was excited from the word go. The mere presence of Salman Khan on the screen is a treat. I don't know when and how Salman came to this level, but he's pretty darn good! In his introductory scene, Chulbul Pandey saves a young boy from the goons. There was nothing special about the act. Yet you love every moment of it because of Salman Khan!

The entire movie is set in Kanpur. It's the usual chor-police saga with songs and action sequences thrown in at regular intervals. There are quite a few funny dialogues that can make you roll on the floor. Salman’s expressions are yet again unbeatable and he keeps you on the edge of your seat.

The story isn’t great. I missed the handsome villain from last time. Even the action sequences and dialogues of the previous film were better. Arbaz Khan hardly has a role this time. Sonakshi Sinha sucked. She is forever angry in the film! I wish someone else did 'Fevicol se' instead of Kareena - it just didn't suit her personality. The title song, however, has awesome choreography. There are a few funny scenes between Salman and Vinod Khanna that are loads of fun too.

It’s quite unbelievable that despite everything falling flat, I loved watching the movie. It’s all Salman Khan and his antics. If you’re not into him, there is nothing to look forward to. If you love him like I do, you will be smiling throughout and would yearn for Dabangg 3. Take your call. (And for your benefit, I'd hope you watch the movie!)

P.S. Funny moment from the movie:
Salman (pointing to a jar): Ye kya hai?
Man at the counter: Gulab Jamun
Salman (speaking to a cop): Gulab Jamun se yaad aaya, tumhari ma ka hernia operation theek se ho gaya?


P.P.S: My story That one Phone Call is on Indiblogger now. To take it further I need loads of good wishes and some votes. Please click here and press on the red heart. You will be showered with God's love thereafter - I promise!

That one Phone Call: My entry for the Get Published contest

The Idea:

Tick tock, tick tick tock, tick tock tock tick – that’s how his clock, sorry, heart beats when he sees her. Still: after 6 years of getting married and 2 kids within 2 years! But that story is for a separate book on contraceptives. This one is about how he waited (read: stalked) for 10 glorious years of his life till she finally understood what we had witnessed for the longest time.

It was love at first sight for Aditya at sweet sixteen. He was this wide-eyed boy from Nainital who still hadn’t got his hands on ‘1001 ways to tell a girl I Love You’. Being a nerd who cracked JEE later in life didn’t help either. And so, Meera was unaware of his unrequited love for a long, long time. Lots of twists happened in a decade but one thing that remained constant was Aditya’s abiding love for Meera. 

It was nothing but fate that brought together all the twisted pieces of their love story into one concrete picture. Their story makes me believe that Bollywood concoctions don’t come out of thin air. It makes me realise that even though we live in the age of instant messaging, it can take a lifetime for a message to travel from a person’s head to his heart. It reassures me that for every bad guy in this world there are a hundred gentlemen who would go to any extent to prove their love and commitment.

The when, where, why, and how of this most-interesting-love-story I have ever known has chapters of its own. Their rollercoaster ride has sent many men on a guilt trip and women on an ‘aww’ spree!  To witness ‘his’ love story turn into ‘their’ legend keep a tab on Harper Collins publications.

Extract:

“It’s ok if she’s getting married. I’m sure you have stocked enough Old Monk and Rafi songs for this slap-on-the-face occasion as well,” Sumit was saying on the phone.

“You have a heart made of stone,” I roared pulling the phone from him.

“Meera is getting married? To whom? And why?” I asked lowering my tone as I heard Aditya's voice choking on the other side. 

 “She’s getting married to her boyfriend. That will probably put an end to my love story,” Aditya replied. Since I didn’t use the C-word in every sentence, he felt more comfortable in sharing his feelings with me than his closest buddy from college.

“…and make you the most coveted Devdas of the 21^st century,” Sumit commented from behind.

                        

This is my entry for the HarperCollins–IndiBlogger Get Published contest, which is run with inputs from Yashodhara Lal and HarperCollins India. 

P.S. If you would like to see this story in print, please press on the red heart HERE! Thanks a ton!

Tid Bits from the Trip!

I have a major rant coming up next. But before that I want to share some light moments with the world - these are special bytes from the trip.

** So my 14 year old cousin laughs less and says LOL more. Ye aajkal ke bache! I showed her some songs on my playlist and thought I was enlightening her. She rejected all of them blatantly and called them so last yearish. She even knew each and every word of every English song. And I thought the lyrics of new songs were useless. Guess we are last generation now, or is it just me? Any which way, I prefer to laugh than lol!

** I had a near death experience on the beach. I was taken in by the waves (I can hear my cousin say LOL). I was out in a fraction of a second. But it was enough for me to be scared for the rest of the trip. 

** It was my birthday and I was on Calangute beach. Since it had disgusting men around, I settled myself on a beach bed and let the Boy go swim in the water. Suddenly an unruly man came to take my picture. I waved at him with a WTF expression. The shack guys grabbed him and handed him over to the police. They tortured him for more than an hour. I was bemused and impressed.

A similar thing happened with a few girls in an airport shuttle. It was an Angrez this time. They gladly posed for him. We have such double standards!

** Jab Tak Hain Jaan sucked. Sorry Yash Chopra, I will remember you for any other film but this. If I love someone and someone loves me, why the hell will I pray that I will never see him again if God kept him alive. And after having a near death experience once, I will definitely take care on the road. And amnesia is so selective in Bollywood. I can go on and on…

**I’m a born Juari. I can play cards even in my sleep. Give me any game and I will get addicted. It’s in my Sindhi genes. I was proud to see most people speak in Sindhi at the most famous casino in Goa. First day I won. Second day I lost. Third day I came to a no-gain, no-loss position. Now thats what I call paisa wasool. The Boy was bored the whole time. These Punjabis I tell you, only like Tandoori chicken and Beer.

**There was an Arabic guy and a British girl in a particular trip that we took. They looked like they were 16-17 year olds. They kept locking lips with all possible sounds all through the journey which took around 4 hours. Why is it more interesting to see such scenes in India!? Cheap, cheap, cheap!! 

**My six year old niece sang ‘Chanda hai tu’ on stage for my 1 year old nephew on his 1^st birthday in front of a crowd of nearly 600 people. It was ethereal. She forgot a few words in between. Next day when I was alone with her, she asked me why is everyone saying I sang very well when I did not?

I really can’t tell you how much I love her and her sweetness. And when I was leaving on 30^th November, she asked me to come back on 1^st December. I’m so glad the love is mutual!

Surround yourself with such love people, there is no space for anything less than that. Adios!

The Hangover

It’s been three days since I got back from India. But the hangover remains. The trip was so awesome that I didn’t feel like coming back. I’m still sulking and so I’ll let pictures speak a thousand words!

I love the colors from a plane's window. Especially if it's sunset or sunrise time. They bring out the poet in me ;)

On first day of our trip to Goa we went to Calangute Beach. It was so crowded that I couldn't enjoy. Next day we went to Morjim. This was Paradise :)

Now who has a sick mind like that? We do!!!

View from Brittos.

My surprise birthday cake!

That's my nephew submerged in gift wrappers. His birthday was awesome fun.

This is me and the Boy!! The nephew's birthday party was grand and this is a sneak peak :)

I hope I get back to reality soon. Some trips are too good to be true, this was one of them!

P.S. I can't reply or post comments in the comments section. Is there a bug on Blogspot??

Namkeen November!

November started with a fun filled Karwachauth where me and the Boy had a rather easy fast. Ahem. It was his first and I'm so proud of him. He has asked me to keep this a secret...so...shhhh!

India beckons. Diwali is around the corner. And what I've mentioned umpteen times already - I'm ready to swim through my 30th in Goa! This will be followed by my nephew's first grand birthday party and the tamasha will be much more than the Great Indian wedding.

Ah, I can't wait for the trip to begin. See you at the other side of this awesome month. Hope you have as much fun as I do.

Here is a snapshot of how the month began... colorful note, eh?

The hands that brush the Sparkling Teeth!!  

Koffee with (K)nisha!

I’m a very inquisitive person. I love to hear real life stories. There are times when an acquaintance will know zilch about me but I would know it all. In their excitement that they have found a very good listener, they forget to ask me stuff! 

Anyway, I received a tag from Shilpi where I get to tell 11 things about me and answer her 11 questions as well. For 22 lines I’ll just talk about me  - what fun! I will try my best to keep this interesting. Meanwhile, what’s up with you?

1 – I’m the most patient person you will ever meet. Like I can wait for a flight for 12 hours at the airport and not feel angry. Really.

2 – I’m guilty of not being a book lover. Like I’m reading a best seller since 20 days and I’ve just finished 100 pages. The Boy has tried hard to push me for it, but I still can’t. Help!

3 – I love to soak in memories. Like I would go to the picture folder and think about that particular day. I don’t hate my present. I just love everything about my life and enjoying digging old stuff!

4 – I love to get high. Like 2 big cocktails and 1 tequila shot. Then I would swear, sing and wink at people. I have such good hic stories!

5 – I’m a very sensitive and caring person. Like if I knew you lost your job, I would hope and pray you get another one soon just because I know what you must be going through. Even if I didn’t know you that well.

6 – I love clothes. Like lots of them! I’m not into make-up, shoes, bags, polished nails or body(!), but I love clothes.

7 – I have a sweet tooth that hurts. Like every time I eat something sweet, I feel guilty for quite some time. It’s a disease, it really is.

8 -  I’m a lazy bum. Like I can sleep for 14 hours. Everyday.

9 – I love to touch the Boy and sleep like that. Like even if it was just one finger on his shoulder if he’s already asleep. I love to smell his clothes also. Ha, that’s one thing you wouldn’t want to know. Or, need to! But what the heck, he’s my husband and I’m allowed to write some sleazy bedroom stories.

10 – I have a very sick mind. I can’t think of anything like it is. Like if you wanted a banana, my mind quickly goes to other things. Hope you know what I mean.

11 – My greatest possession is my husband. He’s my angel. I don’t know of any two people who are as amazing to each other as we are. I thank God everyday for him. He could have done better, but that’s his destiny! 

Okay, so those are veryyyy random 11 things about me. This was fun. We should do it again some time! Oh wait, there are 11 questions to answer as well. Yipeee!! (Oh this is like a slam book ...I'm allowed to behave like a teenager)

1 - One thing you would love to change about yourself.

My laziness - it’s really annoying me now.

2.       Your favourite book/movie which you can read/watch again and again.

Not books, not movies, but FRIENDS. I play it like music now when I’m too lazy to cook and just have to so that I can justify my day!!!

3.       Sweets or Spicy stuff.

Oh, tough one. I love to eat. Sweet, spicy, pretty, ugly, everything! Especially if it’s made by someone else.

4.       Early-riser or Late-night person?

I can change according to circumstances. Like on weekdays I have to sleep at 10 and wake up at 6. On weekends I sleep at 2-3-4 and wake up at 11-12-13…

5.       Which aspect of blogging do you love the most?

I get to read so many real life stories. Told you, I’m very inquisitive.

6.       If you meet God one day, what would you ask him?

Good health. It’s been a very tough ride so far. And it seems to be getting worse. Goddd… are you listening???

7.       Do you believe in Luck?

Yes. I believe in destiny, signs, miracles and Karma. I also believe in hard work and positivity. You have to be lucky to get all that right.  

8.       Is it possible that a person can fall in love at first sight?

I believe in friendship before love. So, no.

9.       Do you think that happiness comes with money?

Moderate amount of money is very important for happiness. Excess money has no direct relation with happiness.

10.    One person in your life you miss desperately.

I just need to know everyone I love is fine and then I’m ok in being away from them. Missing happens when at times I can’t get to know and feel helpless...

11.    Your views on my blog.

I’m new here. Will give awesome reviews once I become a regular!

I’m going to break rules and won’t tag anyone. So please take this tag newbies! I’ve written stuff about myself before (Here and here) but we change all the time, don’t we? So, bloggers from the pre-facebook era can also take it up. Yup, that’s how we will define eras now!

Thankyou Shilpi, this was interesting. And fellow bloggers, if you do take the tag, read the rules here.

Grow old along with me, The best is yet to be

You pull my leg, you push me down,

You hate my smile, you love my frown.

You irritate me, bug me, make me angry,

And then darling, you say – the best is yet to be.

You cuddle, you kiss, you hug me tight,

In times of distress, you tell me it will be alright.

You bear my tantrums, you let me be me,

And then convince me how the best is yet to be.

You break my rules, you follow my traditions,

You encourage me loads, then criticize my creations.

You hold my hand, can mock me suddenly,

And then darling, you say – the best is yet to be.

Of love and hate, of smile and laughter,

I’ve loved each minute of being together.

I can’t imagine my life without thee,

So darling, grow old along with me, the best is yet to be!

For my darling husband, who’s turning THIRTY day after and doesn’t give it a tiny rat’s ass! I am, on the other hand, dreading the end of my awesome twenties in 21 days. And then I convince myself - the best is yet to be!

 This best-cake-I’ve-ever-had is a part of a week-long celebration. It had more Bacardi than Flour. Ping me for the recipe if you want a super happy, no, ecstatic husband! And since he would be super guilty if I ever bought him flowers, I made him paper flowers. Awww ;)
And oh, I forgot to mention, I got a Galaxy S3 as a return gift.

Dating Diary, Entry 2254

I started dating the Boy in REAL in 2004. I say real because before that we were one of those creepy people who chatted online. I was so paranoid that I didn’t even talk to him on phone, but webcam was ok!

Anyway, people talked about training a guy. I had no idea what training meant. I was happy with him being sweet to me. That’s all I wanted in a guy. He was no dog who needed training! But then, girls want gifts and cards and flowers and chocolates. This lad knew nothing about that. I really don’t know what his previous girlfriends taught him, but he was a dumbass when it came to buying gifts for his girlfriend.

So one day I told him to buy me a card. He agreed. I waited with a smile on my face and butterflies in my stomach. Yes, that’s how long I waited. He bought me a card alright. He gave it to me alright. But…but…he wrote nothing inside! The card was blank. I didn’t train him quite well, I thought.

Next time, I told him to write me a letter. I had learnt my lesson well. I knew he would write four lines and say I just asked him to write me a letter. So, I told him to write me a letter in 100 words.

He wrote a letter to me alright. He sent me alright. But…but…he started with – I woke up at 10 this morning, brushed my teeth, took a bath…you get the drift. This is not all. Under each word he wrote a number – 1,2,3,4,…100.

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. It was exactly 100 words. And because I asked him to write 100 words, he justified writing about his daily routine.

And here we are, after 4 years of dating and 4 years of marriage, still at the same place. He says if I’ll give you gifts and cards and flowers and surprises, your expectations will increase. I couldn’t train him. But he did.

I don’t make him breakfast on weekends. It’s been four years and I haven’t cooked a meal on a weekend. If he asks me for breakfast, I tell him to manage on his own. I tell him, 'If I make it once, your expectations will increase. Weekend food is your responsibility. I’m not entering the kitchen'.

Hi-five for that!

Snoopy Us

Have you ever wondered why someone else’s life is always more interesting than yours? The grass is always greener, the toe nails are always redder and the bald is always shinier. Our prying eyes want to know the good, the bad and the ugly happening in our neighbour’s house. We don’t relish the good, we enjoy the bad but the pleasure that comes to our sadistic hearts from the ugly is unsurpassed. The degree of pleasure differs in every human, but truth be told, we do derive happiness from someone else’s agony. If not happiness, then at least, a whole lot of entertainment.

That’s the whole premise of Big Boss. I’m waking up, September has ended and it’s time for October that brings with it a whole new season of useless fights, gross love stories, disgusting men and women, and wait for it, a fish and a parrot. What did these innocent creatures do to be exposed to this ugly world?

There is an entire entity of Big Boss fanatics and I’m guilty of being one of them. That, for one, proves that I’m snoopy. I might give other excuses such as boredom, reading human nature and there-is-nothing-good-on-television rant. But it won’t work. Only nosy people can tolerate the disgust these people bring to our living rooms. That’s another trait of being snoopy - you watch, you talk and then you hate the entire episode. Just like you talk about a person for hours and end it with ‘How does it matter to me?’

So there, amidst happy Navratra, Dussehra, Diwali, Christmas, New Year, Weddings, Anniversaries and a multitude of Birthdays (Really, why do we have ALL the birthdays in the last quarter?) that come with the end of September, I will be watching Big Boss and prying. A lot of you would be doing that with me even though Rakhi Sawant cannot be in every season.

Don’t you think that’s better than me trying to make out why my neighbours squeal at every given opportunity or stalking my Aunty on Facebook whose neck retracts more light than the Sun on my French windows? That’s my petty justification for watching Big Boss, what’s yours?

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda

P.S. Blogadda has been very kind to me. I won the first, THE FIRST prize in a contest held by them recently. The winners were announced here. My victory dance is not over yet. You can stalk me to watch me do my jigs when I win many more prizes in the times to come :))

That Magician in You

When I was in school, I use to wake up before sunrise to study for my exams. Mom always use to say that I should tell my pillow what time I want to wake up and I will automatically get up at the said time. It's miraculous, but true. The magic pillow did wake me up.

While I was growing up, I got a lot of forwards regarding positivity. Becoming the happiest person I know became my motto in life. I wanted to think positive and smile in every difficult situation. I wanted to tell everyone around me that this too shall pass. What I didn’t know was the procedure to become the happiest person. Was I suppose to laugh like morons every time I fell? Was I suppose to meditate? Was I suppose to join a cult that preaches the good things in life? Becoming the happiest person was not a piece of cake.

That is, till I found this book. My brother reads a lot of self help books. The good thing about him is that he is not shy of revealing this to people. We all need improvement in our personalities and these books do guide us in some way. He came across ‘The Power of Your Subconscious Mind’ by JosephMurphy and felt the need to give it to me.

My life changed dramatically. I started using the mantra suggested in the book to my benefit. It said that our mind controls our destiny and I believed in it. It said that we can smile if we want to smile and I did.

It has taken years of conditioning. The technique required discipline. My faith dwindled quite a few times because I couldn't see results right away. Gradually I saw it work. I use to cry myself to sleep a lot of times as a child and a young adult. Now, I can’t remember the last time I cried because of a problem. This is exactly what I wanted to achieve. I never told my subconscious mind that I would become the queen of the world. I never spoke about any disease or shortcoming. I only talked to it about happiness. There were occasional nights when I told myself that I would lose weight. Miraculously, I did go to the gym the next morning! Yes, the power is so strong. And yes, you have to work towards your goal, the weight doesn't go on it's own!

Some would shun this belief as yet another marketing gimmick. Some would embrace it and try it in their daily life. I tried it because it couldn’t harm me in any way. I repeated a line every night before sleeping and it changed my life. I’m not saying I don’t have problems anymore. It is the way I approach these challenges that has changed. I have become the happiest person I know. Really, I have. 

As for the pillow that woke me up as a kid, after reading the book I realised it was not magic. Our subconscious mind does the trick and sets the alarm in our body. Try it tonight. The magician lies within you.

What is up?

I get freaked out when someone meets and greets with a ‘wasssup?’ I know I’m always suppose to say ‘Nothing much, you tell me?’ in the same super-excited tone. But really, why ‘wassup’ at all. What's wrong with the good old 'Hello, how are you?' So, wassup you asked? Let me tell you what I really want to say -

**I don’t have many Indian neighbours. And it’s tough to get along with firangs. You know, we don’t have much in common. So when I heard an Indian couple had moved in the building, I got excited. Maybe they were cool like us? (*winks*) So like that, I went and rang the doorbell. I heard the sound of trinkets. I wanted to run away but it was too late. A sweet girl in 7^th month of pregnancy opened the door. My dreams were shattered. I don’t get along too well with most mothers, nothing personal, but some of them just talk about their babies, and I’m really not that interested!

So she talked and talked and talked in a Bihari accent. She’s so sweet and innocent that she doesn’t walk much because of the fact that she has a habit of falling. Ya, me too had wider eyes looking at her condition! Anyway, the first thing the Boy asked me was, ‘What do say when they open the door’? Adventure trips, I tell you!

**We live in a country which is famous for its notorious activities where akeli ladki is like khuli tijori! So much so, that we have people coming from neighbouring countries to spend their weekends here. One weekend we went to this pub which had hordes of young men looking for pretty damsels. There was a huge table and we took two seats. Three other men came and joined us. Now the Boy had to go and get drinks. He asked me if I would be comfortable sitting alone. It was a tough question. I realised I was 29 and I had to handle these things now! So off he went and I set my eyes on my cell phone. He took good 15 minutes which seemed like eternity. Anway, one man patted my knee. I could have collapsed. Without a word in the noisy pub, I shook my head and pointed to the Boy at the bar. The man could have easily rolled on the floor laughing! Instead, he shook his head and asked if his friend would be able to convince the three girls on the other table to have drinks with them. They had a bet and he was just doing some sweet talk. I should have been embarrassed, but surprisingly we had a great time after that!

**The Boy will be going to another country for some project work next week. I have already been there and so I decided to stay back. I calculated the amount that we will be spending on my ticket and visa. I decided to spend that money on shopping instead. Isn’t that a wiser decision? I’m so ready for 30!

**Speaking of 30, I had set a few goals for myself. And I’m glad I’ve been successful. This has been one of the most satisfying years. Hopefully, I will continue to ‘grow’. The good news is, I’ll be spending my 30^th in Goa. So much for being a good girl!

There is so much more, but I’ll stop right here. Next time, someone asks ‘wassup’, I’ll start my harangue. How would that be to stop the epidemic?

Mahi and Manmohan - The (il)logical Review

The movie Heroine is so bad that the only (il)logical similarity I could  come up with was the present government - United Progressive Alliance. The two have been making headlines this weekend, both are highly depressing and intolerable, both could have done so much better, and so, read on before you waste your time on either!

*When you enter the theater, you look forward to some spicy gossip, bedrooms stories and an insight into an actor’s life. This is something refreshing and has never been done before in Bollywood. You are excited and confident of a repeat performance by Madhur Bhandarkar.

*The UPA looked reassuring as well in its second term. India was glistening before 2009, just like Fashion and Page 3. We looked forward to Dr. Manmohan Singh and his army to rock the stage.

**Mahi Arora (Kareena) is a leading actress who looks quite glamorous initially. She is in an insecure relationship with a married co-star who uses her position for his own good. Although he tries his best to form a decent relationship with the star, her madness and insecurity leads to their split. You don’t understand whom to feel sorry for. 

**Now Dr. Singh is a sincere man. He has tried his best to keep his allies together. But they are like small children who wouldn’t agree to the smallest of things without saying a NO.  Didi, Behenji and Amma have shown their doubt time and again. Behenji broke up long time ago and Didi took a divorce because she doesn’t like Walmart. You really don’t know who the bigger fool is.

***Mahi’s madness leads to her downfall. New actors come and take her place. She isn’t considered a good actor and so she takes up a small time film on prostitution which is performance oriented. As luck would have it, the movie gets shelved. And oh, in between she falls in love with a cricketer (read: poor Yuvraj Singh) and leaves him because he wants to commit a criminal offense by marrying her. She also spends a night with a female friend and a well-wisher. She then leaves her because she thinks she was used! 

***Raja, Adarsh, Kalmadi, Inflation, Lok Pal, Sensex, Rupee, etc hit headlines in the last few years. Scams came and scams went. UPA predicted a growth story of 9% but sorry, it got shelved for its own reasons. We did better than the world on paper, but in reality, our top States went powerless for hours showing weak signs of growth.

Unfortunately, no one fell in love with the UPA. And we are yet to hear about Lesbian/Gay stories!

****No one would trust Mahi. She made a low budget film but there was no way she could attract audience. In an attempt to get rapid publicity she leaks a sex tape of her and her co-star who was in love with her for the second time. You are forced to think about the Shahid-Kareena and Riya-Ashmit MMS but can’t draw any similarity. Anyway, Mahi realises how low she had stooped and so she leaves the country to end her suffering.

In the course of the movie we also see how she refuses to sleep with an actor who subsequently cuts her scene from an important movie, her gay fashion designer (Manish Malhotra?) who gives her all the gossip, her PR Manager who asks her to do cheap tricks to gain publicity, wives(Gauri Khan/Suzzane Roshan?) controlling their director/actor husbands, superstars from yester-years losing respect in old age, and the other dirty pictures of Bollywood. Overall, Mahi is a highly insecure cry-baby popping pills at every given opportunity. All the time you wonder who really does that!? The character is so depressing that it makes her despicable.

****UPA has lost all its charm. The government is facing wrath from all sectors. We don’t hear anything about the Common Minimum Programme. You never know when the government will fall and so the cheap tricks have started. We saw the PM come live on TV for the first time in 2.5 years. He looked like a robot talking about money and trees. A whopping 100 Crores is being spent on an image makeover. What are they thinking? We’ve seen the ridiculous Monsoon session, we’ve witnessed the rise in violence all across the nation, we’re noticing the alarming rise in prices, we’re distressed with the state of roads and general infrastructure, the list is endless. All this combined makes the UPA, you guessed it right, despicable.


*****Heroine fails to impress because it has tried to cover too many things in one small movie. Moreover, the character of Mahi is so insecure and depressing that you fail to sympathise with her. All the while you feel she deserves the treatment she gets. The moment you begin to like her she does something extremely foolish and you start to curse her again. Even Halkat Jawani fails in such a scenario. You get through the film only because you keep looking for familiar characters and want to know more about them. You get through it only because you wait for something interesting to happen. Sadly, it doesn’t and really, it’s all Bhandarkar’s fault. He could have done so much better.


*****What can I say about the UPA? When you look around and you see countries developing at a fast pace, you feel sorry for India. We have so much potential but our politicians have failed us. If Madam had not taken the tax payers money to Switzerland, if Dr. Singh even had minuscule control over his team, if growth stories had made more headlines than corruption stories, if the Government stuck to the most important reforms, if…

We are a nation of hopefuls. Even if we need 7 runs to win from the last ball and Harbhajan is at the crease, a small corner of our heart believes that we will win. That’s the only reason we are tolerating this government. UPA could have done so much better.

The e - Baby Shower!

Y’s hormones were playing havoc in her life. The baby was due in 1 month and she was having a nervous breakdown. To top it all, her husband N, had to go abroad for an urgent project and she was left at the mercy of the in-laws. Not that they were mean, they were NOT him!

When the going got tougher we decided to have an intervention. So, enter best friends P, R and Me. The problem – we were in 3 different countries and there was no way we could meet Y and cheer her up. P was in Bangalore meeting deadlines. R was in Germany for she had won a 50-day all-expense-paid Journalism workshop. And I was writing, cooking and partying in the Middle East. But we are best friends and we had to cheer up Y come what may.

I racked my brains, brainstormed over conference calls, browsed the Internet and came up with a mind-blowing idea that made me proud of myself! With technology playing our Messiah, we planned a surprise E-Baby Shower for the Mommy-to-be. 

We had to plan everything to the T so that it all comes together on the same date and if possible, same time. We had to find snap deals for we were looking for a great experience without making a hole in our pockets. The first things we ordered were Flowers and Cake. Y loves Yellow roses and they were not hard to find. We specified a particular time and date for delivery. The site was very kind to cater to all our demands.

Silly Badge!

We are quirky people and normal gifts are not our forte. We found this superb website with a MomBastic badge and ordered one immediately – again same date.

The gift couldn't be complete without a picture, card and a poem written by me! We decided to find a portal that can make a card with our picture and my poem as text. I had sent a picture Rakhi before from iTasveer and they were very prompt in their service. I browsed their website and we had our card ready to be printed and delivered – on the date of the Baby Shower.

We didn’t want to send any baby items for Y because, as Indians, we are superstitious and rarely buy stuff for the baby before its arrival. We didn’t want to hurt the Mother-in-law’s feelings and so decided to buy pink ribbons or leather shoes only after the baby was here.

The last item on our list was food. No party is complete without yummy grub. We planned to order a pizza online from Dominos. Yes, all of us ordered a similar pizza. Technology was really Godsend.

It was a Sunday. We asked N to take us all on video conference on Google+ hangout and then call Y. Y was already ecstatic since she had received the badge and the card early in the morning. Our mailbox was flooded with her thank you messages and how her day was made when she read the poem. 

We all ordered Pizza for delivery at 2 p.m. IST. With our laptops in front of us, we were ready to party! We told N to call her and let the ladies enjoy their day. He begged us quite a few times to let him be a part of it, but this was an all-girls party and men were strictly not allowed.

The Card

What followed was a laugh riot. When Y came online she couldn’t stop giggling. Her door bell rang and she received the Cake and Flowers. That set the tears rolling. I told you, hormones were already playing their role, and this was, quite literally, an icing on the cake. We sang our usual ‘Congratulations and Celebrations’ better than the contestants of Indian Idol. We couldn’t taste the cake, but that wasn’t important. Y was happy, immensely happy.

The Flowers

And when the pizza was delivered she was shocked. Of all the things, she couldn’t have even dreamed that we will order food. We laughed and laughed, till the baby was rolling inside Y's tummy!

That day took us back to our school days. It was my 16th birthday. The table was full from the 16 gifts, flowers, cards and a Chocolate Truffle cake. We had ordered our usual Pizza, Noodles and Chilli Paneer at our favorite joint.  We spoke about boys, blushed and giggled till to no end. Only now, we were talking about husbands, babies and careers. But the people and the laughter was exactly the same.

Thanks to Technology and Online Shopping, we could recreate our teenage years even though we were miles apart. I’ve bought gadgets, clothes and other gift items from the Internet, but no experience can replace the joy we saw on Y’s face that day.

This post is a part of the contest at BlogAdda.com in association with Snapdeal.com

P.S.  I forgot to paste the contest code (mentioned above), hence the update! 

Barfi – Life’s little Lessons

- Imperfection is all around us. How we handle our flaw determines our life’s happiness. Burfi’s (Ranbir Kapoor) happy-go-lucky attitude never lets us feel he was deaf and dumb. We saw him as a normal human being who went through a crisis in life.

 - Handicap is not a disease. It’s a way of life. You may be perfect from outside, but crippled at heart. Your mind might be at one place, your heart - at another. Shruti (Ileana D’cruz) suffered from the worst disease – a wandering heart.

 - Every heart can feel love, happiness, anger, jealousy, hatred and sadness. A mind can be under-developed, but a heart is always at the right place. Be wary when you play with feelings – you never know when someone gets hurt. Jhilmil (Priyanka Chopra) possessed an IQ of a child but had feelings of a woman. Her heart felt hatred and love with equal passion.

 - It’s not your lines, it’s not your stars, and it’s not your Karma from previous birth. We are the makers of our own destiny. If God gives you a problem, he gives you ample of chances to rectify that problem. He gives you strength, determination, and good luck. It’s your attitude that determines if you’ll win or blame your destiny for the rest of your life. The story of Barfi does exactly that. He falls in love, she breaks his heart, and he deals with it, and moves on. He helps a friend in need, falls in love again, destiny breaks his heart but he doesn’t give up. He makes sure he wins the battle with 'destiny'. 

 - Actions speak louder than words. And that’s why this film is so special. The direction is flawless, the characters play their part to the T and the story is heart warming. When you will come home after watching the movie and reflect over it, you will find your life much happier than you ever thought it was. And if not, you will strive hard to achieve that happiness.

Barfi doesn’t make you go Wow. It touches your heart and stays with you for a long time.

Where East meets West

“What? You don’t have two seats together?” I was angry.

“No. But you can try to exchange with someone.”
Yea, right. Like anyone from a window or aisle will want to come to my middle seat.

So the trip began on a bad note. I felt like crying sitting 20 rows away from the Boy. It was an overnight flight and I sat squeezed between two rather good-looking men. But well, that was a fantasy that should have been fulfilled at another age and another marital status!

“You can have complimentary breakfast and we will give you an early check-in at 9:30 a.m,” said the kind soul that sat at the Hotel Reception. Thanks to them, we slept like dogs till 1.

And then began our journey into Istanbul. Tripadvisor had told me to be cautious of notorious taxi drivers. We were vigilant yet they managed to rip us off. Topkapi Palace was boring. I kept thinking of the grand palaces in Jaipur and how we never bothered to pay much attention. I was keenly interested in the Harem. It made me very sad to think how a Sultan kept numerous wives and mistresses. On top of that, they kept Eunuchs to guard the Harem. It is our ancestors who have objectified women. It’s so hard to change the mind set now. It’s depressing, very depressing. Indian kings were no less. 100 wives, 1000 kids, utter nuisance.

We then got lost and hence bugged. That’s the beauty of doing everything on your own. You go through so many emotions. People advised us to take guided tours, but we are nomads, we get a sense of achievement if we get lost.

Anyway, we saw the European and the Asian side of Istanbul, went to a huge island near-by, looked for happy squares, hogged on ice-cream and doner kebabs, and kept the historical sites for another day. Such people should never go to Istanbul because the city is well-known for it’s rich heritage. If you are looking for Mac Donalds in a mall, go to Dubai.

We saw Istanbul’s best site on our last day. But that comes at the end of this travelogue. We couldn’t go the city’s supremely awesome night clubs for the party began at 12 and we were always tired by then.

Our next journey was into Pamukkale. I did not know why people were fascinated by a white colored hill that was made of limestone. But this is a chance we had to take. It was a tourist destination and we would have looked like fools if we avoided it!

Pamukkale Travertines

Walking down the travertine was the first high-point of our trip. The hill has been formed by mineral deposits left by flowing water. From the top, you look down a spotlessly clean white mountain. There is greenery everywhere around it, something that you don’t see next to a snow-clad mountain. We started our walk downwards and it felt magical with water touching our feet at every level. The flowing water had formed mini pools and it was amazing to sit in them. No words, no pictures, nothing can describe the feeling. You have to feel it to know it.

Antique Pool, Pamukkale

We didn’t like the food in Pamukkale. The sun was unbearable and I emptied half my sun block bottle. It was God- sent for my nikhri tvacha! Speaking of which, we saw an antique pool in Pamukkale. It was next to the ruined city of Heirapolis, which, by the way had such an eerie feeling to it. The pool was a natural site where you could swim amidst trees in natural spring water. Pretty sight it was.

Our last stop was Oludeniz. We were the only Indians in the whole village. People confused us with Turks. And when we told them we were from India, they asked if we lived in England ‘coz only Britishers went to Oludeniz! We always thought that wherever we’ll go we’ll find someone from our 1 billion plus population. Oludeniz proved us wrong and we were delighted to be in a foreign land!

Yaka Park, Near Patara Village

The beaches made our holiday awesome. I picked up the boy in water. What a joy it was! Oh, and another highlight was that I walked around the village in a Bikini top with shortest shorts. Cheap thrills, I tell you.

Oludeniz has outstanding surroundings. We went to one park that was set amidst rocks. The water flowed from the top and flowed all through the park. They had smartly places tables in strategic locations where you could sit and eat. We wished we had a park like that in our city of Nawabs where we could have dated in our ‘golden’ days. Anway, it was romantic like hell even today!

Patara Bach, Southern Coast, Turkey

The last day of our trip to Oludeniz was the best one. We went to a remote beach called Patara beach. I have seen nothing like it. You could walk and walk into the sea and the golden sand will never leave your feet. Romancing in clear waters was my favourite memory of the trip.

We had another 3-4 hours in Istanbul before our flight back home. We covered Hagia Sophia. The history of this museum is fascinating. It was a church before the Ottoman Empire took over Turkey. They converted it into a mosque. In 1923, Ataturk became the first President of the Republic of Turkey and he restored parts of the church. He then converted this site into a museum. This place made me remember Babri Masjid and the issues revolving around it. When will we have a revolutionary leader like Ataturk? His efforts to modernize Turkey made me fall in love with him.

We had an over-night stop-over at Abu Dhabi airport. Being residents of Bahrain we can get UAE visa on arrival. We jumped at the opportunity to catch up with friends. The thrill of getting a visa on arrival is unsurpassed. Americans should count their blessings!

Hagia Sophia, Istanbul

I found Turkey exactly like India. It is full of history and beautiful landscapes. They have vibrant restaurants and varied shopping avenues. It seemed like an agricultural based economy with plantations and tractors all around the highways. It was like the India of my dreams that has concrete roads, lower density of population, tourist friendly people and cleaner environment. We have more scenic mountains and beaches, our architecture is unparalleled and our food is divine. Really, I dreamt of an improved India all through my trip.

P.S. I realised I don't have many pictures without either me or the Boy in it. Although we don't have much interest in photography, will try to capture more next time.We also don't have many pictures of historical sites. Our interest in them is evident :D

The 'Just Married, Please Excuse' Contest

I'm joining a noble cause. Yashodhara Lal has written a book and she's running a contest on her blog to publicize the book. Best entries also win copies of her book and if you're living in Delhi, a lavish lunch. I'm doing my Karma here without expecting anything in return (except that I have a thank you speech ready!). 

This is a hic-story of my bumpy, joy-ride within 24-hours of tying the nuptial knot. It started exactly after the pheras. Do you remember your vachans? All I remember is the Boy telling me that the Pandit has asked him to promise that he will not take me to any place which serves alcohol and that includes my father’s house which has an extremely fancy bar. I rolled my eyes and made a face, obviously.

Anyway, I howled like a baby during the vidai. Guess what the Boy did? He counted how many else were crying. For starters, chivalry spelled with an S to him! When I sat in the orchids adorned car, his 3-year old nephew jumped onto my lap. He had been watching the engagement video since the last 2 months and for him, I was a ghaghra-choli clad heroine straight out of a fascinating movie. I was teary eyed but being treated like a superstar did put a smile on my painted face.

Just married, I had little respect for my 4-year old boyfriend who was supposedly my pati-parmeshwar now. When my sisters put their heads in the car's window to make their final bid for the jooti, the Boy swayed the shoes and cheekily remarked on their incompetence to steal the pair. I couldn’t bear the insult and snatched them from him. The jootis flew out of the window and a loud cheer filled the air. It was my revenge for not sympathizing with me during my vidai. Yes, for starters, I settled scores to the T.

Skipping what happened ‘that’ night, we went to meet my parents the next afternoon. Alcohol was served and all the promises made to the Priest were broken. The Boy felt relieved for he needed to loosen up in front of 50 strangers who swarmed him like he was some Brad Pitt. He was treated like a king and my Angelina Jolie like stance was consciously ignored. He unabashedly gulped down 2 pints of beer and took to being a perfect son-in-law like a fish to water. 

Amidst unruly giggles, I was inappropriately questioned about the ‘crime’ I may have committed last night. For heaven's sake, he was my boyfriend since 4 years and this was the 21^st century, I didn’t have to pretend to be innocent any longer. My face expressed it all but to my delight, they couldn’t haww anymore. Suddenly a taboo became a mantra for a happy life ahead! 

At nightfall, a bottle of champagne was opened in my new sasural. Another time, same promise – broken. I maybe a modern woman of the 21^st century who occasionally gets tipsy in shorts and doesn’t believe in the most sought after ‘virtue’ in the land of Kamasutra, but out of respect, I do feel shy to drink alcohol in front of my in-laws. They gave me a glass and after much deliberation I took a sip. It was a daunting task to see a glass-full of champagne and not drink it. All eyes were on me and they pretended nothing was unusual.

After about half an hour, I couldn’t bear it. When there was movement around the house I went to my room and gulped down the glass of golden nectar. Oh, I could guzzle down several more if it were to me but I remembered that I was just married and had no excuse for my sinful cravings.

I remember laughing a lot after that. I also remember doing a small jig with the nephew. He still thought I was a celebrity. I’m glad I didn’t give him an autograph. I’m also glad that I didn’t sing the song while doing the steps. I remember the Boy laughing with me to save me from embarrassment later. He was the only one in the room who knew what the heck was going on.

Ah, that’s the hic-story of Day-1 of my new life. In the last 3.5 years, the hics and stories related to them have increased manifold. However, the real golden nectar is my Boy who keeps me high all the time. Cheers to that!

My baby's baby is on it's way...

I had to post this before I left for Turkey. One of my best friends is ready to pop out, and this went in the card (paper and not E!) we sent her for a Long-Distance baby shower! She also finds a mention here and here and here.


Should we buy pink ribbons or a little blue cap
Should we pick leather shoes or a belly with a strap
It’s Twenty Twelve – The year of our dearest Yosha
Batao batao, Ladki hogi ki Ladka?

Bets are on, stakes are high
Yosha, on the other hand, is learning a lullaby
Plump and bubbly, she’s looking like a dolly
Imagine how cute she’ll look singing ‘lalla lalla lori’!

High school romance taking a new turn
We predicted Dalmatians, but you know what we want hon?
Your sweetness and his brains, your dedication and his charm
Beauty like maasi’s won’t do much harm!

We wish you lots of love and a life full of bliss
Lots to look forward to, tonnes of happiness
We wish the best of best to our niece or nephew
Yosha and Nitin, may God bless you!


Y, we are excited, supremely excited!

And here I go again!

Where History meets Zara

Where Europe meets Asia

Where Mosques are blue

C’mon isn’t that a big Clue?

Where beaches are plenty

Where you devour a special coffee

Where underground cities find a place

No idea? You cute Nutcase!

Where clubbing reaches new heights

Where boats pass picturesque sights

Where albums are titled ‘xyzee’ delight

I’ll tell you all about it, sit tight!

Okay, that’s where I’m going for my vacation and I cannot be more thrilled. Last few days have been immensely busy. With in-laws at home and me doing an appropriate amount of seva, I have no time to think and write. A fellow gossip monger (!!) and a very dear friend is leaving the country for good and I haven’t been able to spend time with her too. I can’t imagine how dull my life will be once she leaves (sad smiley).

Good news is, Eid is around the corner and so is our annual vacation. I have researched yet again to the T but done no shopping (grrr!) so far. My closet needs a lot of thinking. After all, it’s a holiday and pictures need to be perfect (winks!).

Yes, I’m all smiles at a kilo less than last month! I will not count the medals, think about the drought, worry about acid attacks or a million other things that are making me pity at the state India is in right now. It's that time of the year when I go away from the earth awhile. See you fellas, wait for an awesome travelogue! And before I go, here is a verse from one of my favorite poems:


Birches By  Robert Frost 

...So was I once myself a swinger of birches.
And so I dream of going back to be.
It's when I'm weary of considerations,
And life is too much like a pathless wood
Where your face burns and tickles with the cobwebs
Broken across it, and one eye is weeping
From a twig's having lashed across it open.
I'd like to get away from earth awhile
And then come back to it and begin over.
May no fate willfully misunderstand me
And half grant what I wish and snatch me away
Not to return. Earth's the right place for love:
I don't know where it's likely to go better.
I'd like to go by climbing a birch tree,
And climb black branches up a snow-white trunk
Toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more,
But dipped its top and set me down again.
That would be good both going and coming back.
One could do worse than be a swinger of birches.