The 'Just Married, Please Excuse' Contest

I'm joining a noble cause. Yashodhara Lal has written a book and she's running a contest on her blog to publicize the book. Best entries also win copies of her book and if you're living in Delhi, a lavish lunch. I'm doing my Karma here without expecting anything in return (except that I have a thank you speech ready!). 

This is a hic-story of my bumpy, joy-ride within 24-hours of tying the nuptial knot. It started exactly after the pheras. Do you remember your vachans? All I remember is the Boy telling me that the Pandit has asked him to promise that he will not take me to any place which serves alcohol and that includes my father’s house which has an extremely fancy bar. I rolled my eyes and made a face, obviously.

Anyway, I howled like a baby during the vidai. Guess what the Boy did? He counted how many else were crying. For starters, chivalry spelled with an S to him! When I sat in the orchids adorned car, his 3-year old nephew jumped onto my lap. He had been watching the engagement video since the last 2 months and for him, I was a ghaghra-choli clad heroine straight out of a fascinating movie. I was teary eyed but being treated like a superstar did put a smile on my painted face.

Just married, I had little respect for my 4-year old boyfriend who was supposedly my pati-parmeshwar now. When my sisters put their heads in the car's window to make their final bid for the jooti, the Boy swayed the shoes and cheekily remarked on their incompetence to steal the pair. I couldn’t bear the insult and snatched them from him. The jootis flew out of the window and a loud cheer filled the air. It was my revenge for not sympathizing with me during my vidai. Yes, for starters, I settled scores to the T.

Skipping what happened ‘that’ night, we went to meet my parents the next afternoon. Alcohol was served and all the promises made to the Priest were broken. The Boy felt relieved for he needed to loosen up in front of 50 strangers who swarmed him like he was some Brad Pitt. He was treated like a king and my Angelina Jolie like stance was consciously ignored. He unabashedly gulped down 2 pints of beer and took to being a perfect son-in-law like a fish to water. 

Amidst unruly giggles, I was inappropriately questioned about the ‘crime’ I may have committed last night. For heaven's sake, he was my boyfriend since 4 years and this was the 21^st century, I didn’t have to pretend to be innocent any longer. My face expressed it all but to my delight, they couldn’t haww anymore. Suddenly a taboo became a mantra for a happy life ahead! 

At nightfall, a bottle of champagne was opened in my new sasural. Another time, same promise – broken. I maybe a modern woman of the 21^st century who occasionally gets tipsy in shorts and doesn’t believe in the most sought after ‘virtue’ in the land of Kamasutra, but out of respect, I do feel shy to drink alcohol in front of my in-laws. They gave me a glass and after much deliberation I took a sip. It was a daunting task to see a glass-full of champagne and not drink it. All eyes were on me and they pretended nothing was unusual.

After about half an hour, I couldn’t bear it. When there was movement around the house I went to my room and gulped down the glass of golden nectar. Oh, I could guzzle down several more if it were to me but I remembered that I was just married and had no excuse for my sinful cravings.

I remember laughing a lot after that. I also remember doing a small jig with the nephew. He still thought I was a celebrity. I’m glad I didn’t give him an autograph. I’m also glad that I didn’t sing the song while doing the steps. I remember the Boy laughing with me to save me from embarrassment later. He was the only one in the room who knew what the heck was going on.

Ah, that’s the hic-story of Day-1 of my new life. In the last 3.5 years, the hics and stories related to them have increased manifold. However, the real golden nectar is my Boy who keeps me high all the time. Cheers to that!

My baby's baby is on it's way...

I had to post this before I left for Turkey. One of my best friends is ready to pop out, and this went in the card (paper and not E!) we sent her for a Long-Distance baby shower! She also finds a mention here and here and here.


Should we buy pink ribbons or a little blue cap
Should we pick leather shoes or a belly with a strap
It’s Twenty Twelve – The year of our dearest Yosha
Batao batao, Ladki hogi ki Ladka?

Bets are on, stakes are high
Yosha, on the other hand, is learning a lullaby
Plump and bubbly, she’s looking like a dolly
Imagine how cute she’ll look singing ‘lalla lalla lori’!

High school romance taking a new turn
We predicted Dalmatians, but you know what we want hon?
Your sweetness and his brains, your dedication and his charm
Beauty like maasi’s won’t do much harm!

We wish you lots of love and a life full of bliss
Lots to look forward to, tonnes of happiness
We wish the best of best to our niece or nephew
Yosha and Nitin, may God bless you!


Y, we are excited, supremely excited!

And here I go again!

Where History meets Zara

Where Europe meets Asia

Where Mosques are blue

C’mon isn’t that a big Clue?

Where beaches are plenty

Where you devour a special coffee

Where underground cities find a place

No idea? You cute Nutcase!

Where clubbing reaches new heights

Where boats pass picturesque sights

Where albums are titled ‘xyzee’ delight

I’ll tell you all about it, sit tight!

Okay, that’s where I’m going for my vacation and I cannot be more thrilled. Last few days have been immensely busy. With in-laws at home and me doing an appropriate amount of seva, I have no time to think and write. A fellow gossip monger (!!) and a very dear friend is leaving the country for good and I haven’t been able to spend time with her too. I can’t imagine how dull my life will be once she leaves (sad smiley).

Good news is, Eid is around the corner and so is our annual vacation. I have researched yet again to the T but done no shopping (grrr!) so far. My closet needs a lot of thinking. After all, it’s a holiday and pictures need to be perfect (winks!).

Yes, I’m all smiles at a kilo less than last month! I will not count the medals, think about the drought, worry about acid attacks or a million other things that are making me pity at the state India is in right now. It's that time of the year when I go away from the earth awhile. See you fellas, wait for an awesome travelogue! And before I go, here is a verse from one of my favorite poems:


Birches By  Robert Frost 

...So was I once myself a swinger of birches.
And so I dream of going back to be.
It's when I'm weary of considerations,
And life is too much like a pathless wood
Where your face burns and tickles with the cobwebs
Broken across it, and one eye is weeping
From a twig's having lashed across it open.
I'd like to get away from earth awhile
And then come back to it and begin over.
May no fate willfully misunderstand me
And half grant what I wish and snatch me away
Not to return. Earth's the right place for love:
I don't know where it's likely to go better.
I'd like to go by climbing a birch tree,
And climb black branches up a snow-white trunk
Toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more,
But dipped its top and set me down again.
That would be good both going and coming back.
One could do worse than be a swinger of birches.

Teeth that Sparkle!

Someone gave me a compliment today. My day was made. It's a compliment I've received many times before but it had been sometime now. Someone told me today that I had very cute teeth!

I have very crooked teeth but when I smile, they brighten up and some people like that.

Just like this blog. It may not be perfect but I would like to believe that sometimes, somewhere it's making someone smile.

And so, Teeth that Sparkle.


P.S. It's been 5 years since I've been blogging. Much has changed in these 5 years. I've never targeted any particular audience. I never commented on other blogs to get comments on mine. I've never been consistent in expressing my views. From funny to depressing, from boring to intriguing, from poetic to random, the posts have been varied. It's been more of a personal development space rather than a public forum. I've become more expressive in person and it shows on my blog. I'm glad that I can share everything with the world. I'm glad that nothing is a big deal. I'm glad that I don't care anymore if the cameraman wants me to smile with my teeth in or teeth out! 


Thankyou, dear Blogger, for sparkling my life with a very crooked but immensely cute teeth!

Cocktail ...bitter tale!

Being disappointed with Hindi cinema I had stopped going to the theatre. Then came Cocktail, looking fresh with pretty girls, stunning locations, and well, hummable songs. If you watch the movie from entertainment point of you, you would probably not be disappointed. But it hurts at many other levels.

Veronica (Deepika Padukone) is a 'bad' girl. She drinks, goes to pubs, wears skimpy clothes and sleeps with random men. Her parents have probably abandoned her with oodles of money. She has no purpose in life. Enter Meera (Diana Penty) - a timid girl abandoned by her husband on the streets of London with no where to go. This Salwar Kurta clad damsel meets Veronica in a drug store and accepts her invitation to stay with her.
As fate would have it, they become best friends and Meera shows off her petite figure with much ease. No, she doesn't start drinking and sleeping with random men. Why she didn't take the other 'bad' girl traits from Veronica is a mystery.

Saif plays the charmless casanova. His and Veronica's is the perfect jodi. For kahaani mein twist, Saif tells Meera how she's adorable and how she will meet a man who will never leave her side. And that was it. He becomes a good guy who falls in love with Meera and she reciprocates. This good girl becomes hungry-for-love-backstabbing bitch!
Veronica also realises how her life is vain and how she needs a house and a husband to pamper her. Ok, hungry-for-love-sati-savitri. Meera leaves Saif for her best friend Veronica. Veronica does everything to gain Saif's love. But obviously Saif wants what he cannot have - Meera.

Anyway, the story is not important. I wanted to see a liberated woman, who she is, till the climax of the film. I didn't want her to change for a typical Indian man with double standards. Why is a girl who is 'bold' termed 'bad' and a girl who isn't loyal to her friend termed 'good'? Why are 'shorts' bad and 'salwar kurta' good? If I don't pray, can't cook or can't impress the mother-in-law, I'm not suitable for a boy? Saif's mom Dimple tells Veronica, 'tum ladki achi ho, par kapde bahut chote pehenti ho'. Disgusting!

Bollywood is an important medium of showing the world what India is. Heck, it is an important medium of showing who we are to our own countrymen and mother-in-laws. Indian girls are not who they were 50 years ago. We have changed, for our own good. Clothes and alcohol certainly don't define us. According to the media, we take home the good girls and we play with the bad ones.Why? I don't even think that this is entirely true. We can't blame the Guwahati men if we accept this movie with open arms. Afterall, the girl was drinking and probably not dressed in Salwar Kurta - she was indeed a 'bad' girl. Ofcourse they had no right to judge her and ill-treat her, but it's our moral responsibility to show her the 'right' path.

We need writers, movie makers, journalists, to tell these men how wrong they are. Movies like Cocktail will do no good to our scarred society. For heaven's sake, don't watch it.

The World has ended.

2012 was rightly predicted as the end of the world. Let us not wait for earthquakes or droughts; the end of mankind has already happened. It happened right in front of our eyes, in Guwahati, in full public view, when a mob of 20 molested a girl.

People watched, made videos and looked at the horrendous act in glee. Did you watch the whole thing on TV or researched for it on You Tube? Congratulations, you are one of the reasons mankind has ended. Did you forward the picture of the absconding bastards? No? Well done. You are one of those who would mock the world for its atrocious deeds and do nothing about it.  

I’m not a Hero either. By blogging about it I’m not doing anyone a favour. Being a woman I have been touched by disgusting men. I cried myself to sleep and didn’t do anything about it. I’m sure you or your mother,sister, wife or daughter has been ill-treated in one way or the other. We should have known that  by keeping mum we are preparing for our own doom. We should have judged the end of mankind then. 

If you and me who are not doing enough, the thousands who live in Guwahati sharing a neighbourhood with these men are turning a blind eye, the Police who is not able to catch the culprits with possibly all the clues and the Indian Government who is not taking this matter more seriously than the falling rupee and their candidate for the next, useless, Vice President, then isn’t this the end of Mankind?

I feel so small, so ashamed that I share the air with people who objectify women. I feel ashamed to know that half the population will blame the woman, you know, usne bhi kuch kiya hoga tabhi to uske saath aisa hua. I feel disgraced that people will thrash up a man for accidentally hitting a car but stay put when he touches a woman. I feel sad; deeply disheartened  that the Mankind has ended.

Kick that Butt.

Can you see that smoke oozing out of your mouth?

I can. And I can smell it too. I can even smell the inside of your mouth and can safely say it smells like a pit. Like a pit that has been used by roadside dogs that eat rotten bones because we only give fresh chapati to cows. More on that later.

I can also read the junk that has filled your mind. You’ve tried to quit, I know. You’ve promised many that you will quit. You’ve tried the patch/chewing gum/distraction therapy. But what to do, your life is so stressful that only a bud can light up your life. You’ve not tried hard enough, really, you haven’t.

Your mother/sister/wife/girl friend has been after your life since the day you took a drag the first time. You think you looked cool back then. You know how you look now? Like 10 years older than you ought to. You know how you will look in 10 years? Like a 50 year old.

Now, I’m all for older men. But not who have aged before they should have. You run 10 miles a day and that justifies your intention to kill yourself slowly. Stop kidding yourself. You know about the diseases that are waiting for you with open arms, don’t you? You know about the girl who wouldn’t bother to seal ‘it’ with a kiss because of the awfulness that fills your mouth? And don’t even get me started about the environmental damage that this puff is causing, leave alone the passive threat you are to me and my healthy cells.

I tell you today, it’s now or never. Kick that butt, will you?