Career Homemaker

Listed below are the kind of households we have in this world:

• Single income with kids
• Double income with kids
• Double income no kids
• Single income no kids

The fourth, apparently called SINK, is the least common because being a housewife or a house-husband is looked down upon. Also, if you don’t rear kids, you need to do something ‘meaningful’ in life which literally translates to being a part of the rat race.

I understand that some people are very competitive and absolutely love their work. But what about almost 90% of those who live weekend to weekend hating their jobs all their lives?

We are a SINK couple and what I can say with guarantee is that we ain’t sinking! Infact, I think, we are sailing far better than all the other three categories.

I do all the menial chores at home, which, by the way, I don’t think are lowly at all. I cook, I clean, I do laundry, I declutter. Apart from this, I plan our travels and take care of our finances. I have an active social life which I maintain with utmost love and respect which means I have real friends and not I-need-someone-to-gossip with person. I read. I write. I exercise. I take up useful classes.

There is a better I don’t do list as well. I don’t drink wine all day. I don’t go on shopping sprees or coffee dates all the time. I don't never cook a meal. I do my own nails(!). Basically, I don’t unnecessarily spend the money I did not earn. Oh, I do have a debit and credit card at my disposal which I choose to use sparingly. 

The banker husband, he wakes up at 6 a.m. and I wake up with him. He goes to work which, if given a choice, he wouldn’t go to as well (Yes, we are both in the non-ambitious category which works well for us). He comes back after 10-11 hours and then goes for a workout. I don’t crib or wait for him to come back home sooner and entertain me. I believe that I have made a choice, and it is upto me to find my happiness. If I depend on him for every single thing then he will begin to resent our lifestyle and I most certainly can't give my princess status up!!

Anyway, we spend a lot of quality time together during and after dinner and follow the same pattern five days a week. We discuss our day and share every small detail. The other two days we live outside the house and go for meals, meet friends, watch movies, go for long drives, the works. We take a vacation every three months and that has really defined our life for the past 8 years.

It is an unusual set-up, but it is what makes us happy. We are able to spend a lot of time with each other without the stress of the corporate world. I am cheerful and happy when he comes home and according to him, that takes his stress away. We can plan our trips anytime since we don’t need two bosses to coordinate our leaves. We get fresh, home-cooked meals because one of us is home to make them.

I am sure there are many couples out there who can both earn and lead a lifestyle like this. I say kudos to them. What I can’t understand is the judgmental society which wouldn’t understand the joy of one partner being at home. What do you do all day? How do you pass your time? Don't you get bored at home? -  these are the type of questions that I find hardest to answer.  I am contributing to the society in my own sweet way, what goes?

The other argument they present is what if something were to happen to the bread-winner, how will the dependent cope with that? Well, human beings are designed to adjust. I am educated, strong and smart, I will find a way out.

Even though my husband brings home the proverbial bacon, we have a relationship of equals. He goes grocery shopping with me and wouldn’t mind doing it alone. He enters the kitchen on a regular basis although I’d rather he did not! If need arises, or I ask him to do a household chore, he has no qualms about it. He completely agrees with whatever decision I have to make regarding my career and supports my career as a homemaker.

As for earning his respect for a woman who just 'sits at home' - there are many times I outsmart him or give him advice on various things. I am well-read and almost never have a dumb moment in discussions about the world, politics, economics, entertainment or even sports. The stereotype we attach with housewives is regressive and it is time people met women like me to know the real deal.

I have my bad days as well when I feel what am I doing with my life. But I believe one gets the same feeling several times a year even at a desk in a swanky multinational office. In the end we have to be at peace with ourselves. If being single income without kids gives me and my partner happiness, I don’t think traditional, modern or feminist values should come in between.

Phew! The childfree banner was hard enough to uphold, and now I need to deal with SINK as well. To put it in your words - Yes, I am my husband's princess, and we wouldn't change the rules of our castle for the world! 

P.S. This post was the result of a word I read online (reddit) that was used to describe a housewife without kids. The comment mentioned that the world does so much for you and you don't do anything for the world. Much to my agony the word was - parasite. I have only one advice for such people - look into your hearts and delve into your homes before name calling.

On Being Childfree

Maybe I am being too honest and writing this post too soon. Or, maybe not. Since I don’t assume things to change in the near future, I hope to save this till eternity. It has been almost 5 years to our marriage and being child-free has left our neighbours, maids, relatives, laundry guy, cleaners, nieces ... devastated! Everyone we meet looks at our ‘empty’ life with sympathy and tells us how they would be ‘praying’ for us. It is ironical that the same woman who will be ‘praying’ for us adopted a child and now regrets doing it because he is not a genius. Shameful -  that is all I have to say.

Anyway, children are amazing. I love to play with them. I respect and admire people who bring up these little ones in the best way possible. I love my nieces and nephews to bits and look at their pictures a whole lot. I love my friend’s children and aww when they call me maasi. I don’t know if they will love me when they grow up to be teenagers, but I am sure I will love them till the day I live. Love without possess - that does make me feel like an angel though!

Does that mean I am dying to have children of my own? No, not at all. I live in a very small country which probably has the most comfortable life in the world. It is as good as living in India without having to deal with traffic, inflation, relatives, the works. We have contemplated moving out a lot of times just because we have become too complacent in life! The sample of population that I have in front of me is of married couples in their 20’s or 30’s with a lot of disposable income and free time. Everyone seems to be happily married and has kids. So -  no bachelors, no divorcées, and certainly no couple without a kid.

That leaves us with no choice but to dodge the question. We are clear in our heads but to explain to everyone is a task. Now the Boy has always been someone who cares a damn about what people say. He is very vocal about his thoughts and I admire the brave rebel in him. But me, I have views that I am scared to share. I hate to go against what is considered normal. I am slowly learning from him how to stand up for what I truly believe in. It is a process that would take its own sweet time.

That brings me to the reasons for our decision. Are we selfish? Are we scared of responsibilities? Do we have health issues? Do we wish to travel without any guilt? Do we wish to save all our money just for ourselves? Do we think children can make us miserable? And again, are we selfish? – Yes, all of the above. 

At first it was only one of the above. But over the years we have discovered all the more reasons not have kids. I would not say that I never think about it. I do. I do think and talk about it a whole lot because I want to have a life without any regret. I don’t want to feel 10 years later that we should have thought it through. I speak to the Boy every now and then. I read blogs and memoirs of people who don’t have kids. I read about parents who are miserable. And then there are those who think kids make their home lively and bring new meaning to their life. Not only that, I also read hateful posts by people who think our sole purpose on earth is to reproduce. The more I talk about the issue and read about it, the better I feel about our decision.

Only recently, the Boy said that if we feel the need to have a child after 5 years, we have the option to adopt. I was surprised because I thought he was against the idea of adoption. Then I told him that my mother feels it is better to connect with a charitable organisation which would take care of several kids in the same amount of money that we would spend on raising just one child. He liked that idea too.

And so, if we feel the need, we would do just that and not over-populate the earth (with no offense to people who don't agree with us!). We would try to romance all our life. We would splurge on our nieces and nephews and be the best aunt and uncle ever. We would travel the world and show-off several passport stamps. We would indulge in random dancing and singing and playing at home to keep it as lively as it already is or could be if there was a certain baby in the house.

There is no doubt in my mind that innocent antics of children bring happiness to your home. But if they are the ONLY reason for your happiness, then you have a problem. Not us.