Koffee with (K)nisha!

I’m a very inquisitive person. I love to hear real life stories. There are times when an acquaintance will know zilch about me but I would know it all. In their excitement that they have found a very good listener, they forget to ask me stuff! 

Anyway, I received a tag from Shilpi where I get to tell 11 things about me and answer her 11 questions as well. For 22 lines I’ll just talk about me  - what fun! I will try my best to keep this interesting. Meanwhile, what’s up with you?

1 – I’m the most patient person you will ever meet. Like I can wait for a flight for 12 hours at the airport and not feel angry. Really.

2 – I’m guilty of not being a book lover. Like I’m reading a best seller since 20 days and I’ve just finished 100 pages. The Boy has tried hard to push me for it, but I still can’t. Help!

3 – I love to soak in memories. Like I would go to the picture folder and think about that particular day. I don’t hate my present. I just love everything about my life and enjoying digging old stuff!

4 – I love to get high. Like 2 big cocktails and 1 tequila shot. Then I would swear, sing and wink at people. I have such good hic stories!

5 – I’m a very sensitive and caring person. Like if I knew you lost your job, I would hope and pray you get another one soon just because I know what you must be going through. Even if I didn’t know you that well.

6 – I love clothes. Like lots of them! I’m not into make-up, shoes, bags, polished nails or body(!), but I love clothes.

7 – I have a sweet tooth that hurts. Like every time I eat something sweet, I feel guilty for quite some time. It’s a disease, it really is.

8 -  I’m a lazy bum. Like I can sleep for 14 hours. Everyday.

9 – I love to touch the Boy and sleep like that. Like even if it was just one finger on his shoulder if he’s already asleep. I love to smell his clothes also. Ha, that’s one thing you wouldn’t want to know. Or, need to! But what the heck, he’s my husband and I’m allowed to write some sleazy bedroom stories.

10 – I have a very sick mind. I can’t think of anything like it is. Like if you wanted a banana, my mind quickly goes to other things. Hope you know what I mean.

11 – My greatest possession is my husband. He’s my angel. I don’t know of any two people who are as amazing to each other as we are. I thank God everyday for him. He could have done better, but that’s his destiny! 

Okay, so those are veryyyy random 11 things about me. This was fun. We should do it again some time! Oh wait, there are 11 questions to answer as well. Yipeee!! (Oh this is like a slam book ...I'm allowed to behave like a teenager)

1 - One thing you would love to change about yourself.

My laziness - it’s really annoying me now.

2.       Your favourite book/movie which you can read/watch again and again.

Not books, not movies, but FRIENDS. I play it like music now when I’m too lazy to cook and just have to so that I can justify my day!!!

3.       Sweets or Spicy stuff.

Oh, tough one. I love to eat. Sweet, spicy, pretty, ugly, everything! Especially if it’s made by someone else.

4.       Early-riser or Late-night person?

I can change according to circumstances. Like on weekdays I have to sleep at 10 and wake up at 6. On weekends I sleep at 2-3-4 and wake up at 11-12-13…

5.       Which aspect of blogging do you love the most?

I get to read so many real life stories. Told you, I’m very inquisitive.

6.       If you meet God one day, what would you ask him?

Good health. It’s been a very tough ride so far. And it seems to be getting worse. Goddd… are you listening???

7.       Do you believe in Luck?

Yes. I believe in destiny, signs, miracles and Karma. I also believe in hard work and positivity. You have to be lucky to get all that right.  

8.       Is it possible that a person can fall in love at first sight?

I believe in friendship before love. So, no.

9.       Do you think that happiness comes with money?

Moderate amount of money is very important for happiness. Excess money has no direct relation with happiness.

10.    One person in your life you miss desperately.

I just need to know everyone I love is fine and then I’m ok in being away from them. Missing happens when at times I can’t get to know and feel helpless...

11.    Your views on my blog.

I’m new here. Will give awesome reviews once I become a regular!

I’m going to break rules and won’t tag anyone. So please take this tag newbies! I’ve written stuff about myself before (Here and here) but we change all the time, don’t we? So, bloggers from the pre-facebook era can also take it up. Yup, that’s how we will define eras now!

Thankyou Shilpi, this was interesting. And fellow bloggers, if you do take the tag, read the rules here.

Grow old along with me, The best is yet to be

You pull my leg, you push me down,

You hate my smile, you love my frown.

You irritate me, bug me, make me angry,

And then darling, you say – the best is yet to be.

You cuddle, you kiss, you hug me tight,

In times of distress, you tell me it will be alright.

You bear my tantrums, you let me be me,

And then convince me how the best is yet to be.

You break my rules, you follow my traditions,

You encourage me loads, then criticize my creations.

You hold my hand, can mock me suddenly,

And then darling, you say – the best is yet to be.

Of love and hate, of smile and laughter,

I’ve loved each minute of being together.

I can’t imagine my life without thee,

So darling, grow old along with me, the best is yet to be!

For my darling husband, who’s turning THIRTY day after and doesn’t give it a tiny rat’s ass! I am, on the other hand, dreading the end of my awesome twenties in 21 days. And then I convince myself - the best is yet to be!

 This best-cake-I’ve-ever-had is a part of a week-long celebration. It had more Bacardi than Flour. Ping me for the recipe if you want a super happy, no, ecstatic husband! And since he would be super guilty if I ever bought him flowers, I made him paper flowers. Awww ;)
And oh, I forgot to mention, I got a Galaxy S3 as a return gift.

Dating Diary, Entry 2254

I started dating the Boy in REAL in 2004. I say real because before that we were one of those creepy people who chatted online. I was so paranoid that I didn’t even talk to him on phone, but webcam was ok!

Anyway, people talked about training a guy. I had no idea what training meant. I was happy with him being sweet to me. That’s all I wanted in a guy. He was no dog who needed training! But then, girls want gifts and cards and flowers and chocolates. This lad knew nothing about that. I really don’t know what his previous girlfriends taught him, but he was a dumbass when it came to buying gifts for his girlfriend.

So one day I told him to buy me a card. He agreed. I waited with a smile on my face and butterflies in my stomach. Yes, that’s how long I waited. He bought me a card alright. He gave it to me alright. But…but…he wrote nothing inside! The card was blank. I didn’t train him quite well, I thought.

Next time, I told him to write me a letter. I had learnt my lesson well. I knew he would write four lines and say I just asked him to write me a letter. So, I told him to write me a letter in 100 words.

He wrote a letter to me alright. He sent me alright. But…but…he started with – I woke up at 10 this morning, brushed my teeth, took a bath…you get the drift. This is not all. Under each word he wrote a number – 1,2,3,4,…100.

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. It was exactly 100 words. And because I asked him to write 100 words, he justified writing about his daily routine.

And here we are, after 4 years of dating and 4 years of marriage, still at the same place. He says if I’ll give you gifts and cards and flowers and surprises, your expectations will increase. I couldn’t train him. But he did.

I don’t make him breakfast on weekends. It’s been four years and I haven’t cooked a meal on a weekend. If he asks me for breakfast, I tell him to manage on his own. I tell him, 'If I make it once, your expectations will increase. Weekend food is your responsibility. I’m not entering the kitchen'.

Hi-five for that!

Snoopy Us

Have you ever wondered why someone else’s life is always more interesting than yours? The grass is always greener, the toe nails are always redder and the bald is always shinier. Our prying eyes want to know the good, the bad and the ugly happening in our neighbour’s house. We don’t relish the good, we enjoy the bad but the pleasure that comes to our sadistic hearts from the ugly is unsurpassed. The degree of pleasure differs in every human, but truth be told, we do derive happiness from someone else’s agony. If not happiness, then at least, a whole lot of entertainment.

That’s the whole premise of Big Boss. I’m waking up, September has ended and it’s time for October that brings with it a whole new season of useless fights, gross love stories, disgusting men and women, and wait for it, a fish and a parrot. What did these innocent creatures do to be exposed to this ugly world?

There is an entire entity of Big Boss fanatics and I’m guilty of being one of them. That, for one, proves that I’m snoopy. I might give other excuses such as boredom, reading human nature and there-is-nothing-good-on-television rant. But it won’t work. Only nosy people can tolerate the disgust these people bring to our living rooms. That’s another trait of being snoopy - you watch, you talk and then you hate the entire episode. Just like you talk about a person for hours and end it with ‘How does it matter to me?’

So there, amidst happy Navratra, Dussehra, Diwali, Christmas, New Year, Weddings, Anniversaries and a multitude of Birthdays (Really, why do we have ALL the birthdays in the last quarter?) that come with the end of September, I will be watching Big Boss and prying. A lot of you would be doing that with me even though Rakhi Sawant cannot be in every season.

Don’t you think that’s better than me trying to make out why my neighbours squeal at every given opportunity or stalking my Aunty on Facebook whose neck retracts more light than the Sun on my French windows? That’s my petty justification for watching Big Boss, what’s yours?

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda

P.S. Blogadda has been very kind to me. I won the first, THE FIRST prize in a contest held by them recently. The winners were announced here. My victory dance is not over yet. You can stalk me to watch me do my jigs when I win many more prizes in the times to come :))

That Magician in You

When I was in school, I use to wake up before sunrise to study for my exams. Mom always use to say that I should tell my pillow what time I want to wake up and I will automatically get up at the said time. It's miraculous, but true. The magic pillow did wake me up.

While I was growing up, I got a lot of forwards regarding positivity. Becoming the happiest person I know became my motto in life. I wanted to think positive and smile in every difficult situation. I wanted to tell everyone around me that this too shall pass. What I didn’t know was the procedure to become the happiest person. Was I suppose to laugh like morons every time I fell? Was I suppose to meditate? Was I suppose to join a cult that preaches the good things in life? Becoming the happiest person was not a piece of cake.

That is, till I found this book. My brother reads a lot of self help books. The good thing about him is that he is not shy of revealing this to people. We all need improvement in our personalities and these books do guide us in some way. He came across ‘The Power of Your Subconscious Mind’ by JosephMurphy and felt the need to give it to me.

My life changed dramatically. I started using the mantra suggested in the book to my benefit. It said that our mind controls our destiny and I believed in it. It said that we can smile if we want to smile and I did.

It has taken years of conditioning. The technique required discipline. My faith dwindled quite a few times because I couldn't see results right away. Gradually I saw it work. I use to cry myself to sleep a lot of times as a child and a young adult. Now, I can’t remember the last time I cried because of a problem. This is exactly what I wanted to achieve. I never told my subconscious mind that I would become the queen of the world. I never spoke about any disease or shortcoming. I only talked to it about happiness. There were occasional nights when I told myself that I would lose weight. Miraculously, I did go to the gym the next morning! Yes, the power is so strong. And yes, you have to work towards your goal, the weight doesn't go on it's own!

Some would shun this belief as yet another marketing gimmick. Some would embrace it and try it in their daily life. I tried it because it couldn’t harm me in any way. I repeated a line every night before sleeping and it changed my life. I’m not saying I don’t have problems anymore. It is the way I approach these challenges that has changed. I have become the happiest person I know. Really, I have. 

As for the pillow that woke me up as a kid, after reading the book I realised it was not magic. Our subconscious mind does the trick and sets the alarm in our body. Try it tonight. The magician lies within you.

What is up?

I get freaked out when someone meets and greets with a ‘wasssup?’ I know I’m always suppose to say ‘Nothing much, you tell me?’ in the same super-excited tone. But really, why ‘wassup’ at all. What's wrong with the good old 'Hello, how are you?' So, wassup you asked? Let me tell you what I really want to say -

**I don’t have many Indian neighbours. And it’s tough to get along with firangs. You know, we don’t have much in common. So when I heard an Indian couple had moved in the building, I got excited. Maybe they were cool like us? (*winks*) So like that, I went and rang the doorbell. I heard the sound of trinkets. I wanted to run away but it was too late. A sweet girl in 7^th month of pregnancy opened the door. My dreams were shattered. I don’t get along too well with most mothers, nothing personal, but some of them just talk about their babies, and I’m really not that interested!

So she talked and talked and talked in a Bihari accent. She’s so sweet and innocent that she doesn’t walk much because of the fact that she has a habit of falling. Ya, me too had wider eyes looking at her condition! Anyway, the first thing the Boy asked me was, ‘What do say when they open the door’? Adventure trips, I tell you!

**We live in a country which is famous for its notorious activities where akeli ladki is like khuli tijori! So much so, that we have people coming from neighbouring countries to spend their weekends here. One weekend we went to this pub which had hordes of young men looking for pretty damsels. There was a huge table and we took two seats. Three other men came and joined us. Now the Boy had to go and get drinks. He asked me if I would be comfortable sitting alone. It was a tough question. I realised I was 29 and I had to handle these things now! So off he went and I set my eyes on my cell phone. He took good 15 minutes which seemed like eternity. Anway, one man patted my knee. I could have collapsed. Without a word in the noisy pub, I shook my head and pointed to the Boy at the bar. The man could have easily rolled on the floor laughing! Instead, he shook his head and asked if his friend would be able to convince the three girls on the other table to have drinks with them. They had a bet and he was just doing some sweet talk. I should have been embarrassed, but surprisingly we had a great time after that!

**The Boy will be going to another country for some project work next week. I have already been there and so I decided to stay back. I calculated the amount that we will be spending on my ticket and visa. I decided to spend that money on shopping instead. Isn’t that a wiser decision? I’m so ready for 30!

**Speaking of 30, I had set a few goals for myself. And I’m glad I’ve been successful. This has been one of the most satisfying years. Hopefully, I will continue to ‘grow’. The good news is, I’ll be spending my 30^th in Goa. So much for being a good girl!

There is so much more, but I’ll stop right here. Next time, someone asks ‘wassup’, I’ll start my harangue. How would that be to stop the epidemic?

Mahi and Manmohan - The (il)logical Review

The movie Heroine is so bad that the only (il)logical similarity I could  come up with was the present government - United Progressive Alliance. The two have been making headlines this weekend, both are highly depressing and intolerable, both could have done so much better, and so, read on before you waste your time on either!

*When you enter the theater, you look forward to some spicy gossip, bedrooms stories and an insight into an actor’s life. This is something refreshing and has never been done before in Bollywood. You are excited and confident of a repeat performance by Madhur Bhandarkar.

*The UPA looked reassuring as well in its second term. India was glistening before 2009, just like Fashion and Page 3. We looked forward to Dr. Manmohan Singh and his army to rock the stage.

**Mahi Arora (Kareena) is a leading actress who looks quite glamorous initially. She is in an insecure relationship with a married co-star who uses her position for his own good. Although he tries his best to form a decent relationship with the star, her madness and insecurity leads to their split. You don’t understand whom to feel sorry for. 

**Now Dr. Singh is a sincere man. He has tried his best to keep his allies together. But they are like small children who wouldn’t agree to the smallest of things without saying a NO.  Didi, Behenji and Amma have shown their doubt time and again. Behenji broke up long time ago and Didi took a divorce because she doesn’t like Walmart. You really don’t know who the bigger fool is.

***Mahi’s madness leads to her downfall. New actors come and take her place. She isn’t considered a good actor and so she takes up a small time film on prostitution which is performance oriented. As luck would have it, the movie gets shelved. And oh, in between she falls in love with a cricketer (read: poor Yuvraj Singh) and leaves him because he wants to commit a criminal offense by marrying her. She also spends a night with a female friend and a well-wisher. She then leaves her because she thinks she was used! 

***Raja, Adarsh, Kalmadi, Inflation, Lok Pal, Sensex, Rupee, etc hit headlines in the last few years. Scams came and scams went. UPA predicted a growth story of 9% but sorry, it got shelved for its own reasons. We did better than the world on paper, but in reality, our top States went powerless for hours showing weak signs of growth.

Unfortunately, no one fell in love with the UPA. And we are yet to hear about Lesbian/Gay stories!

****No one would trust Mahi. She made a low budget film but there was no way she could attract audience. In an attempt to get rapid publicity she leaks a sex tape of her and her co-star who was in love with her for the second time. You are forced to think about the Shahid-Kareena and Riya-Ashmit MMS but can’t draw any similarity. Anyway, Mahi realises how low she had stooped and so she leaves the country to end her suffering.

In the course of the movie we also see how she refuses to sleep with an actor who subsequently cuts her scene from an important movie, her gay fashion designer (Manish Malhotra?) who gives her all the gossip, her PR Manager who asks her to do cheap tricks to gain publicity, wives(Gauri Khan/Suzzane Roshan?) controlling their director/actor husbands, superstars from yester-years losing respect in old age, and the other dirty pictures of Bollywood. Overall, Mahi is a highly insecure cry-baby popping pills at every given opportunity. All the time you wonder who really does that!? The character is so depressing that it makes her despicable.

****UPA has lost all its charm. The government is facing wrath from all sectors. We don’t hear anything about the Common Minimum Programme. You never know when the government will fall and so the cheap tricks have started. We saw the PM come live on TV for the first time in 2.5 years. He looked like a robot talking about money and trees. A whopping 100 Crores is being spent on an image makeover. What are they thinking? We’ve seen the ridiculous Monsoon session, we’ve witnessed the rise in violence all across the nation, we’re noticing the alarming rise in prices, we’re distressed with the state of roads and general infrastructure, the list is endless. All this combined makes the UPA, you guessed it right, despicable.


*****Heroine fails to impress because it has tried to cover too many things in one small movie. Moreover, the character of Mahi is so insecure and depressing that you fail to sympathise with her. All the while you feel she deserves the treatment she gets. The moment you begin to like her she does something extremely foolish and you start to curse her again. Even Halkat Jawani fails in such a scenario. You get through the film only because you keep looking for familiar characters and want to know more about them. You get through it only because you wait for something interesting to happen. Sadly, it doesn’t and really, it’s all Bhandarkar’s fault. He could have done so much better.


*****What can I say about the UPA? When you look around and you see countries developing at a fast pace, you feel sorry for India. We have so much potential but our politicians have failed us. If Madam had not taken the tax payers money to Switzerland, if Dr. Singh even had minuscule control over his team, if growth stories had made more headlines than corruption stories, if the Government stuck to the most important reforms, if…

We are a nation of hopefuls. Even if we need 7 runs to win from the last ball and Harbhajan is at the crease, a small corner of our heart believes that we will win. That’s the only reason we are tolerating this government. UPA could have done so much better.