Four and a half years back, I did a post called ‘Phases in love’. I was about to get married that time. To keep my sanity, I had kept my mind blank. I conditioned myself not to think about anything that will happen after the wedding. How love will proceed was not on my mind as well. I tried to live each day as it came. Like every individual, I was scared and had my own reasons.
Anyway, it’s time for phases in love after marriage. Except missing my family and my city, I don’t have anything to crib about. So, this is love after marriage as seen from my non-hazel colored eyes!
Phase One – Just married – It’s like cupid striking all over again. The guy will try to do everything possible to make the girl happy (including remembering dates!). The new bride blushes at every given opportunity (and the recent attack of facials give an extra glow. Not to forget, the shiny hormones give an added lift *winks*). Everything glitters, from new clothes to new jewelery to new home. The guy licks his fingers whenever the girl cooks anything. Anything. The girl puts on make-up whenever the guy is around. It’s one of the best and most romantic phase of life.
Phase two – a few months into the marriage – issues start cropping up. This phase is very difficult since the couple starts to see negative qualities in each other. The lover turns into a husband/wife and the seriousness of living together dawns on you. The guy broods over the map shaped chapati and the girl starts to dislike the guy’s friends. Let’s-go-wherever-you-want-honey transforms into I-don’t-like-sushi-I-want-my-tandoori-chicken-bi*&^. The story with in-laws needs another post altogether! If both are working, the once lovey dovey couple who did things for each other complains about dividing chores and how the other never helps.
Phase three – a year into the marriage – after the roller coaster ride, the couple feels a sense of accomplishment. They celebrate their love and togetherness and come in terms with the good and the bad(read: compromise). They form their own rules and learn to live in harmony (read: adjustment). They feel proud of the bond they have created and talk about how time flies. They forget how they thought about walking out of that door a couple of times during the year.
Phase four – ab to ek saal ho gaya – this is an unending phase till you have two children. People from all quarters advice you to have kids. There are subtle hints from all and sundry, ‘enjoy your time, when you have kids you won’t party like this’. There are obvious hints from relatives, ‘next time when you meet us, we want to see three not two of you’. There are over-the-top hints from a neighbour whom you’ve never met and bump into in a supermarket, ‘not planning? Need time’? (This was meant for another post but I just couldn’t come in terms with it!!!)
Anyway, the way a couple decides about having a baby takes their relationship to another level. This is a difficult topic of discussion. And if you can bring up the subject every weekend without any tiffs, you’ve reached a level of understanding that’s rare. Congratulate yourself on building a strong foundation in the earlier phases.
Phase five – after a couple of years – If all has gone well, you become best friends in real sense of the word. The companionship is like no other. You want to explore the world with each other and grow old together. Mostly there are no banned topics. You know each other’s likes and dislikes and work on your relationship accordingly. You pick up the towel from the bed without any anger. He plays angry birds patiently when you're shopping. Minor spats on the way don’t dishearten you but make your friendship stronger. Sometimes the monotony bores you, but the warmth and togetherness steps in to ease all confusions.
The initial phase of all love stories is the best. But when you get out of that phase and still want to be around each other – that’s real love. I’m glad I found it. I hope you did too. And if not, it’s just waiting to happen.
Oh, the mushy mushy week!!