Sob Factory!

Scene 1: I haven’t seen my family since 6 months. A package arrives with mom’s handmade mithai, my favorite peanut chikki and a gift for me. As I open it, I burst into tears and not only cry but cry with hiccups. The Boy is shocked and doesn’t know what to do!

Scene 2: When I tell my mom about scene 1 on phone I choke up again.

Scene 3: I bid adieu to my MIL at the airport who came to visit me for a few weeks. Surprisingly, tears flood my eyes. Weren’t we supposed to be happy when in-laws leave? They must be super awesome!

Scene 4: I speak about my child-free state with an aunt on the phone. I begin to choke. Wasn’t this a conscious decision?

Scene 5: We’ve bid farewell to quite a few close friends here in Bahrain and dropped them at the airport. I’ve cried every single time!

Scene 6: This one is classic. I have a cousin who is 8 years younger to me but I share the most precious bond with her. I hardly speak to her over the phone. But whenever I meet her I cry like a little baby on departing. Thankfully we meet often, but those tears just tell me how much I love her.

Scene 7: I chat with a long lost friend over the Internet and tiny droplets fill my eyes. Why am I like a little baby?

Scene 8, 9, 10: I watch a movie, I hear a sad story, I see someone in distress... those glands go berserk! Seriously, I have 10 times the normal tear glands.

It is not like I keep crying all the time! If I am in a difficult situation, I fight it out and hardly shed a tear. I laugh a million times more than I cry. But when it comes to relationships, I get all choked up. I don’t verbally tell people that I love them or miss them, but my watery eyes do. Either my tear glands are over-working or my heart is excessively filled with love. I’d like to assume it is the latter!

Does that mean people who don't cry are not loving? Hmm, that cannot happen. The Boy loves me and I have never seen him cry! Lets try to get the science behind it.

It is evolutionary. I am neurotic!!!!
All tears come out of tear glands, or lacrimal glands, found way up under your upper eyelids. We cry when they break. Emotional crying is nothing but evolutionary to get sympathy. Scientific research has shows that "if you are quite empathetic to the suffering of others, you may cry more frequently than the harder-hearted. People who are anxious or neurotic cry both more frequently and more easily than others. And extroverts tend to cry more often during negative situations and are less likely to cry 'happy tears'."

I am just protecting my nervous system.
There have been studies that indicate crying and the release of tears is a way to bring the nervous system back to a normal equilibrium of sorts. If someone continues to cry and be in emotional distress for a long period of time, the stress could cause physical consequences like a stroke or heart attack. Hence crying may be the body’s way of calming itself down (part of the parasympathetic nervous system) and returning to a normal state.

Like always, let me blame it on the hormones.
Studies say that on an average men cry once a month and women cry 5 times (I really don't know where this study was conducted. Even I don't cry 5 times a month!!). Prolactin and estrogen are both hormones found only in women that contribute to crying. So once again, its the bloody hormones.

There are a lot of theories out there. But emotions cannot be studied in a laboratory. No wonder we don't know anything about love as well. I just have one theory, I am very loving and caring and so I cry!! It is showing the world my vulnerability and that is the only reason I feel awkward. As long as I don't cry during a difficult situation, I am fine. Yep, chuck the science, I'm okay being a sob factory!

The Women in the Bigg Boss house

Poles apart - Tanishaa Mukherjee and Gauhar Khan

I am guilty of being a Bigg Boss addict. Over the years, I’ve enjoyed Rakhi Sawant doing her antics, I’ve tolerated Rahul Mahajan’s irritating laughter, I’ve sailed through Imam’s mentally unfit behaviour, and I’ve laughed with Salman. But this year, the show has stooped to a totally different level and it is making me cringe.

If you watch this show you already know about the two love affairs that have emerged in this season – Armaan - Tanisha and Kushal - Gauhar. Armaan Kohli’s claim to fame is the fact that he is the son of a famous film producer and has acted in a few films that unfortunately did not work out for him. Tanisha Mukherjee comes from a family which is hugely successful in Bollywood. She’s Kajol’s sister, Nutan’s daughter, Ajay Devgan’s sister-in-law, Rani Mukherjee’s cousin, and the list goes on. She hasn’t been an accomplished actor herself but has apparently been a part of a 100-crore venture ‘Son of Sardar’. Anyway, even though the two actors haven’t had as much success as their family members, they are independent and have been working on something or the other.

Since these two are from the filmy background, they became friends in the very beginning. Also, they have pointed time and again that they are from a different ‘class’ and others are not upto their level. If this was not atrocious enough, they have now fallen to a newest low. Tanisha has been taking Armaan’s tantrums from the very beginning. Even when he’s in the wrong, she supports him like a 'true' friend. She brings him food and water and massages his hair. In return, Armaan trashes her at every given opportunity. When she tries to stop him from fighting, he tells her that he has come alone to this show and she means nothing to him.

You would think that a woman, an independent woman, would not tolerate this and start to ignore the man whom she met only a couple of months back in this moronic place. But no, she takes his anger and says she understands this behaviour! She holds his hand and says I know you are a good man but it is only your momentarily behaviour that can be annoying. In return, he pleads guilty and says he respects only his mother and her in the entire world and would never harm them in this lifetime! Ha! Both being the black sheep of the family have their insecurities and anger, but to take it out on another person is totally not justified.

On the other hand there is outspoken, opinionated, strong character of Gauhar Khan. If you would look at the forums, she is touted as being dominating and loud by, you guessed it, men. Armaan Kohli obviously doesn’t get along with her and Tanisha has had her problems as well. Kushal, being close to Gauhar stood for her when another contestant passed lewd comments during a task. It was done in a light manner but crossed a few boundaries. When Kushal reacted, he was thrown out of the show. So much for men who stand up for their women! 

During a weekend show, a caller asked Armaan Kohli the reason for his behaviour. He apologised and said it will never be repeated. So far he has tried to transform himself. But for how long? And why is Tanisha even taking this behaviour? The viewers look up to celebrities. This is a reality show which is believed to be not-so-scripted thanks to the live feed. How these celebs potray themselves has a huge impact on the audience. Armaan Kohli is just trying to show that it is okay for men to treat women in this manner. By smiling through it, Tanisha is trying to justify his actions.

When will our women stand up for themselves? If even the supposedly ‘confident’ ones succumb to pressure, how can you expect the other half to speak for themselves? I am sorry Tanisha, you might be dignified in certain mannerisms, but you have let women down.

Here is to Gauhar Khan; I hope she wins. Only because she has the ability to stand up for herself and not let us feel humiliated.

*Image from here.

Grateful

This week I’ll be celebrating my 31^st birthday. Considering the kind of year it has been, I can safely say life after 30 is not exactly the same as before. Maybe it changed for me a year prior to that or maybe it changed six months later, but it does change. No matter how hard you try, staying up and partying from dusk to dawn is not easy. And that is just one silly, minuscule aspect of it.

Health-wise it was one of the worst years for me. There were weeks when even walking wasn’t easy. Of course I did not give up. One of the most important things to do in distress is to stay calm so that you can think clearly. I did and thankfully discovered new ways to protect myself in the process. Hopefully, they will work in the future as well. If they don’t, I would start afresh. Yeah, I am 31 and wise!

Owing to this, I had plenty of mood swings. Since I am so over-the-top optimistic, I kept the smile going. This really confused my brain and I felt elated and low at the same time. Stupid brain I tell you – it can be fooled very easily which further strengthens my belief in the supreme power of the subconscious mind. 

Anyway, let me not blame it on the poor 30’s. Shit happens. Amidst all that, plenty of good things happened too. Like I travelled so much. Like the way I received unfathomable amount of love from the Boy, my family and my friends. The blogging world is a huge blessing which helps me keep sane at all times. Love came from unexpected quarters just like these two complete strangers who praised my writing through email. Now these are non-bloggers whom I don’t know. And when praise comes from such sources, you can’t imagine the happiness. Let me quote them and show-off (it is my birthday week afterall!):

Dear Nisha,

I just wanted to drop in a line to say that you write so beautifully, I just cant stop reading.

The best part is that your writing is so simple, earthy and unpretentious that it never fails to put a smile on my face, irrespective of how my day is going.

I really feel (if I'm aloud to feel out loud), you should write more often. (Although you would be getting that a lot) :)

Do write a book..which will be followed by many I feel..!!

 P.S You might have your own cross to bear (which I can make out from your blog), So hope you find your way over it or around it..:)

God bless you always..!! 

Hi Nisha,

Your blog is so wonderful, that i have been reading it the whole afternoon right upto your Jan 2012 posts.

It made me smile, which is tough these days coz i'm goin through tough times...!!

I must have felt like this after 2 weeks..which is a long time for me...Thank you..God bless..!!

When you read such heart warming messages you really feel blessed and every problem becomes a secondary issue. And so, whenever things weren’t so hunky dory, I assumed that somewhere out there was a guardian angel looking out for me. Probably you were one of them... it just makes me so grateful. 

Sulking, Answering and Wishing

I've been struggling a lot with writing a blog post without any particular reason. I am also sulking because I have not won any contest in the last few months. Highly demotivated to type anything! So, I picked up this from my drafts. Assume you are Oprah and I am on the hot seat: 

1 - Tell me something about you that most people don’t know.

I’m not such a bad cook as I pretend to be. You see, I’m super lazy. I don’t want to cook for people and so I let them feel I’m average. Smart, right? Lately the cooking bug has hit me hard. Just two days back I baked a boozy Kahlua cake which was to die for! Shhh!

2 - If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

It’s a tough choice between men with sick mind and terrorism. I’d choose the former.

3- Do you like to dance?

Oh yes, a lot! I feel like its my birthday when I go clubbing. Haha! Yep, I’m very high on birthdays.

4.Would you ever consider living abroad?

For the rest of my life! You can go ahead and call me names but I can’t imagine going back to India for a lot of reasons.

5. Does your name make any interesting anagrams?

The iPad calls me Mishap all the time.

6. Who made the last incoming call on your phone?

Oh my sweetheart and a very close friend – Noorien. And then we went on conference with another one. It is always such a riot.

7. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?

Lol! I’m so ashamed of this now – the latest episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians!

8.Last time you swam in a pool?

It has been more than a year. I developed some stupid shoulder problem because of it. It has still not gone. Hate it!

9.Type of music you like most?

I don’t want to answer slam book kind of questions. I am 30.

10. Type of music you dislike most?

Ok. I am still 30. For 17 more days!

11. Are you listening to music right now?

I don't like to listen to anything when I'm writing. It annoys me a lot. I ask the Boy to shut up as well!

12. What color is your bedroom carpet?

It is all rented, so it wouldn’t matter. Yes, even the spoons are rented!!! They were new when they were given, FYI. And it all comes as a package. You should be jealous right about now!

13. If you could change something about your home, without worry about expense or mess, what would you do?

Nothing. It’s a nice house. I would like better neighbours though.

14. What was the last thing you bought?

My husband gifted me a nice watch. *blush* I would like to assume we bought it together!!

15. Have you ever ridden on a motorbike?

I find them scary, very scary!

16. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?

I’m never say never kind of a gal!

17. Do you have a garden?

No. Although I’d love to have one – with a gardener ofcourse. Told you, I am super lazy!

18.Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?

Yeah. I was in school for 13+2 years. And we sang it every single day.

19. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?

What an awesome day! Haha! What can a lazy person think, hmm?

20. If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be?

I am a Bigg Boss addict. So, these days I would like to give a piece of my mind to Tanishaa Mukherjee who is acting like such a loser in the BB house. What's with her dressing sense? It sucks!

21.Who sent the last text message you received?

A friend telling me that another friend delivered a baby girl. I can't stop smiling ever since!

22.Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?

A travel portal. Wow.

23. What time is bed time?

Anytime between 9 pm to 4 a.m. Depends on the day of the week. 

24.Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?

Does Miss Fresher count?

25.How many tattoos do you have?

None. I’d like a butterfly on my shoulder someday. But it’s too painful. So maybe not!

26. If you don’t have any, have you ever thought of getting one?

Same as above!

27.What did you do for your last birthday?

I’ve talked so much about my last birthday on this blog that I sound like a 16-year old. Check November posts for reference!

28.Do you carry a donor card?

No. But I’d like to donate all body parts. Can someone get my cute smile too?

29.What time do you get up?

Anytime between 6 a.m. to 1 p.m.  – depends on no.23.

30. What Inspires You?

Humour. If you can make me smile – you are awesome and I would like to be like you!

Happy, Happy Diwali people. Spread a million smiles!
This is the only time I miss India a whole lot.

On Being Childfree

Maybe I am being too honest and writing this post too soon. Or, maybe not. Since I don’t assume things to change in the near future, I hope to save this till eternity. It has been almost 5 years to our marriage and being child-free has left our neighbours, maids, relatives, laundry guy, cleaners, nieces ... devastated! Everyone we meet looks at our ‘empty’ life with sympathy and tells us how they would be ‘praying’ for us. It is ironical that the same woman who will be ‘praying’ for us adopted a child and now regrets doing it because he is not a genius. Shameful -  that is all I have to say.

Anyway, children are amazing. I love to play with them. I respect and admire people who bring up these little ones in the best way possible. I love my nieces and nephews to bits and look at their pictures a whole lot. I love my friend’s children and aww when they call me maasi. I don’t know if they will love me when they grow up to be teenagers, but I am sure I will love them till the day I live. Love without possess - that does make me feel like an angel though!

Does that mean I am dying to have children of my own? No, not at all. I live in a very small country which probably has the most comfortable life in the world. It is as good as living in India without having to deal with traffic, inflation, relatives, the works. We have contemplated moving out a lot of times just because we have become too complacent in life! The sample of population that I have in front of me is of married couples in their 20’s or 30’s with a lot of disposable income and free time. Everyone seems to be happily married and has kids. So -  no bachelors, no divorcées, and certainly no couple without a kid.

That leaves us with no choice but to dodge the question. We are clear in our heads but to explain to everyone is a task. Now the Boy has always been someone who cares a damn about what people say. He is very vocal about his thoughts and I admire the brave rebel in him. But me, I have views that I am scared to share. I hate to go against what is considered normal. I am slowly learning from him how to stand up for what I truly believe in. It is a process that would take its own sweet time.

That brings me to the reasons for our decision. Are we selfish? Are we scared of responsibilities? Do we have health issues? Do we wish to travel without any guilt? Do we wish to save all our money just for ourselves? Do we think children can make us miserable? And again, are we selfish? – Yes, all of the above. 

At first it was only one of the above. But over the years we have discovered all the more reasons not have kids. I would not say that I never think about it. I do. I do think and talk about it a whole lot because I want to have a life without any regret. I don’t want to feel 10 years later that we should have thought it through. I speak to the Boy every now and then. I read blogs and memoirs of people who don’t have kids. I read about parents who are miserable. And then there are those who think kids make their home lively and bring new meaning to their life. Not only that, I also read hateful posts by people who think our sole purpose on earth is to reproduce. The more I talk about the issue and read about it, the better I feel about our decision.

Only recently, the Boy said that if we feel the need to have a child after 5 years, we have the option to adopt. I was surprised because I thought he was against the idea of adoption. Then I told him that my mother feels it is better to connect with a charitable organisation which would take care of several kids in the same amount of money that we would spend on raising just one child. He liked that idea too.

And so, if we feel the need, we would do just that and not over-populate the earth (with no offense to people who don't agree with us!). We would try to romance all our life. We would splurge on our nieces and nephews and be the best aunt and uncle ever. We would travel the world and show-off several passport stamps. We would indulge in random dancing and singing and playing at home to keep it as lively as it already is or could be if there was a certain baby in the house.

There is no doubt in my mind that innocent antics of children bring happiness to your home. But if they are the ONLY reason for your happiness, then you have a problem. Not us. 

Forrest Gump - a movie to watch, revise and learn by heart!

This weekend we revised Forrest Gump. For the uninitiated, it is a Tom Hanks movie in which he is a man with low IQ but immensely gifted with every other quality. The movie makes you smile from the beginning to the end and if you still haven’t seen it, I would highly recommend it to you.

There are several things you can learn from the movie. Here are a few learnings that I thought I’d share:

*If you have any short-comings, a loving mother is all you need. If she tells you that you are no different than the rest of the world, you would grow up believing that and be much more confident. Forrest’s mother was like God to him. She told him 'don't let anyone tell you that you are different.' He followed everything she said and rightly so.

*The saying ‘Be kind to everyone you meet’ is not stressed hard enough. Jenny was the first friend Forrest made as a child just because she let him sit next to him in the bus. They were inseparable there on. Forrest’s love for her is the kind of stuff fairytales are made of. It was just her kindness that gave her that treasure.

*Never use the word promise or forever if you don’t mean it. Forrest always kept his promises. He promised his friend Bubba that they will catch shrimp together. Even after Bubba dies, Forrest kept his promise which not only made him a millionaire, but gave a lot of hope to several other people as well.

*When someone says that he wants to die, don’t believe him. Give him all the love and support for he needs that to live. Forrest saves a life while fighting in Vietnam. The soldier doesn’t want to be saved because he knows he will be crippled for life. Forrest goes ahead anyway. He later becomes his partner in the shrimping business and leads a fulfilling life.

*Life is not about being smart or dumb, it is how you take things by your stride. Gump wasn't the smartest guy and so he saw life from a very different or what some would call, juvenile perspective. When he gets shot in the buttocks, all he sees is the joy in getting ice cream! He dedicates himself in playing table tennis in the hospital and becomes a national champion. If only we all could move away from our problems the way he did.

“Stupid is as stupid does.” (You are what you do), “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you will get.” (Life is unpredictable but in the end, everything works out just fine), “You have to do the best with what God gave you.” (need I say more?), “Sometimes, I guess, there just aren’t enough rocks.” (even if you try to forget, sometimes you just can’t move on),  "There's only so much fortune one man needs, the rest is just showing off." – are a few sayings from the movie. Now I know which movie to watch, what to quote, whom to remember whenever I’m blue.

The movie captures history beautifully. From Elvis Presly to Kennedy to Vietnam war, there are a lot of references to the current affairs in the period that the movie depicts. Tom Hanks is as awesome as ever. And there are songs that would make you feel happy whenever you hear them.

Go ahead, watch it, and then again!
And if you ever get a chance to eat at the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company , don't forget the garlic bread. The one we had at the San Francisco outlet was to die for! See, Forrest kept his promises beyond the movie as well - the shrimps are simply divine!

The kind of posts I wish to write

Let me start by saying that this is my 8^th post for the month of September. In my 6 years of blogging, this is the most I have written in a month. To add to this record, there are ten unfinished posts in my drafts folder for the same (idle) time period. The time I have spent writing stuff that doesn’t make any sense, I could have read so much. So today, I decided to do the same – read. 

Every time I read I realise I have such a loooong way to go. Ideas, language, words – there is a huge scope for improvement.  Anyhoo, apart from the meaningful stuff that goes around in the written world, I so wish to write on the following topics in the years to come:

*I wish to talk about adorable babies and their annoying parents. You love them, I get it. But please don’t fill my wall with their pictures. If you were my mommy/daddy and you were putting my picture in all its glory, I would have disowned you. Right from their first rain, to Janmashtami, to first day at school – you just can’t do this to them and to, well, us! Holiday season is just starting and I fear for my life!!!

*I wish to talk about sex. Yep, the stuff that happens before babies. You see, we do khi khi kheee before marriage. But after marriage, sex becomes all about ovulation, fertility and contraception. A naive girl is suddenly expected to become a sex machine and pop out babies. If there is no baby, people think the couple is not having sex. I want to clear the air – you can talk about sex and do khi khi khee long after you’ve been married and that there is no correlation between babies and the chemistry between the couple. The only thing that I am jealous of is the fact that parents have a much more adventurous time doing it with a baby sleeping next to them. What fun!

*I want to talk about the difference between Indian and American television. Owing to a recent Netflix addiction, we’ve been watching too many drugs related series. I admire the creativity that goes into making these thrillers. But I need a break from Meth! On the contrary, all we see here are saas-bahu sagas. I don’t know which culture is better – the stoned one or the one that makes you want to get stoned!

*I want to defend men on this forum. I've been blessed with an amazing set of men in my life. I know it is not the same for everyone. But it is our duty to love and cherish the good ones. Poor guys, they have been at a receiving end recently and a lot of them don't deserve the generalization. To do that without sounding like an anti-feminist freak is a task. Also, I don't understand what is the big deal in being a woman? I want equality - they are as good and we are as bad. 

*I want to write humour. But apparently, nothing without the word sex, fart or booze is funny enough. Political humour is something I can never do. I can make fun of my husband, but for how long? I can talk sarcastically about my lazy ass but then eventually I would start feeling guilty. I can make fun of the lady next door who is always screaming on her three small kids and has ruffled grey hair that she never combs. But then, struggling parents would start their what-do-you-know crap. Ah, till I learn, I’ll just read. 

On a remotely similar note, here is a recent conversation between me and the Boy. Maybe I can record these and start my humour posts. That should work, right?

Me: I’m so glad I don’t have a job. I really can't take any scolding.

Boy: If you were me, tumhara kya hota?

Me: Awwww babyyy... your boss scolds you a lot?

Boy: No. You do.