I'm tipsy and I know it

What's the first thing you say when you are drunk - "I'm not drunk."

Half an hour back, I just had one Red wine, one red wine, and I'm tipsy. See, I'm different because I confess I am drunk. I came home and started reading blogs. Then I thought it's a good time to write a post.

Usually when I'm drunk I laugh a lot. A lot. If I'm out, I start dancing like a moron. My steps can give Madhuri Dixit a run for her money. Then I sing songs in the car. I also sing the tune. You know, dum dum da dum, la la la la. My 'melodious' voice makes it entertaining for the fellow passengers. Especially the Boy who has this constant grin on his face. How he loves to see me drunk!
After reaching home I walk to my bed like Johny Walker and go to sleep. I have the most amazing sleep when I get a little sloshed. It's so deep and peaceful. In my drinking career of about 4 years I've just had a hangover once. Like everyone I decided to quit. And then, like everyone I thought I hardly drink, I shouldn't quit.

I love how I'm typing with my eyes closed and a faint smile on my lips. I learned that from years of chatting over the Internet with random boys ... Oh, I miss that. Wonder what's going on in the chatting world. Do they still fall in love there? Wish to be 18 again.

Before I start blurting out more random thoughts in my tipsy mind, I should sign off. Thousand apologies for a curvy post. Hope to be concrete next time.

Going to a cards party, will I win? Song on my mind - When I walk in a spot, this is what I see.... Everyone stops and they staring at me... I'm sexy and I know it...
Ah, I'll surely win.

Three Zero - 30.

Don’t tell me that 30 is the new 20.

Did you worry about the lines that appeared on your skin when you were 20?

Did you think marriage, babies, property, investments, a healthy heart, were the most important things in the world when you were 20?

Did you curl up on your sofa on a Saturday night thinking the club is too loud when you were 20?

Did you feel like wearing as many skimpy clothes as you can so that you don’t look funny when the age ain’t right, when you were 20?

Did you miss melodious songs and thought the songs of ‘this generation’ suck when you were 20?

Did you drink green tea, ate almonds, drank milk at your own will when you were 20?

Did you spot a gray hair and not screamed out of disbelief when you were 20?

Stop fooling yourself. Embrace 30. As it is, you can’t do much about it. It’s just a number. Feel happy to be alive. Live in the present. Sing 18 till I die. It’s not how you look, it’s what you feel inside.

Blah Blah Blah!

As you can make out I’m going to turn 30 soon and the feeling can’t get worse. How was your experience? Warning - Please don’t repeat any lines from the last paragraph.

Yak, yak, yak...

The weather today was comparable to Zurich. Thankyou Global warming. And weather apps on smart phones.

People are falling in love on Indian television. Sex is no longer a taboo in TV serials. If you were one of the millions who saw Bade Ache Lagte Hain ‘that’ night and found it gross, you are not alone. Ekta Kapoor, please bring back the saree and heavy jewellery to the bedroom. We’ll watch the likes of Vicky Donor, laugh and learn about the birds and bees. Watching stout men pulling sarees and ugly women breathing heavily is simply distasteful.

On a slightly similar note, not showing Dirty Picture was a stupid decision. When will we grow up? Kids are smart these days, they need to watch everything. Everything.

How smart are tracing widgets? Will it be better if you knew who visited you? Facebook will face a run for its money if it showed who spied on whom. Orkut had an app before which was used only by a handful. I removed the widget from my blog as well. Now you can come and go, no one will know. Although, it would have been nice if I could visit you somewhere as well.
Sometimes technology can drive you insane!

S & P might downgrade India. The rupee will weaken. We will get a better rate if we want to transfer money to India. The land we’ve bought might slightly lose its current value. Skyrocketing petrol prices will reach newer heights. Inflation will increase further. Yet, we are happy that we will get a better rate.
Being happy about this is just as naïve as thanking global warming for the awesome weather. What else can we do?

Keep yakking!

5 of the million reasons I Love my India

I’m in India for yet another vacation. Every day there are numerous household chores that I crib about. You know, you buy the milk, boil it, take out the malai at night, store it, and God knows what all needs to be done next. Laundry is worst. Washing, hanging, folding and ironing takes 2 days. It’s simpler at home – milk comes out of the can and clothes come out clean from the machine and ironed from the dryer in 1.5 hours flat.

Anyway, the luxuries make Middle East our haven but in India, it’s the things money can’t buy that take our breath away.

Take cold coffee for example. Nowhere in the world has it tasted better. Costa’s Coffee Cooler was the first thing I had on landing at Delhi’s T3. It’s another thing that I rechecked twice with the cashier when he told me that the bill for two coffees was Rs. 480. Nevertheless I relished every drop of it!

I went to watch Vicky Donor today. It was a laugh riot. The theatre was abuzz with whistles and applause whenever the word ‘sperm’ or ‘fuddu’ came up. Can you bring people throwing coins at the screen to any other part of the world?

I’ve already mentioned one food item. It would be unfair if I don’t talk about desi chilli chicken, kachoris, chola bhatura, kulfi, gulab jamun, kebabs, biryani and what I drink twice a day these days – mango shake! We have Mac Donalds, Pizza hut and Dominoes in Bahrain, still, the menu tastes so much better here. Maybe it’s in the air.

I love it when you know someone in just about every field. The Boy underwent a surgery this week. We knew the orthopaedic surgeon. He performed the surgery and called us at night to ask about the Boy. What else do you want? Yes, we got a hefty discount as well! In Bahrain, you pay at every step and not even in your dreams can you expect a doctor to call you!

The welcome we receive from friends and family is super cool. I think that is one advantage of being an NRI – you get special attention! Stupid Airtel has disconnected my 7-year old India number because it wasn’t used for 3 months. All my loved ones have tried that number and said some gawar guy picks it up! They’ve all tried to connect with me in different ways which makes me feel so loved.
You can go around the world but the way your family and old friends treat you makes India most special.

Nine... is it?

It's always a pleasure to count the number of years you've been together with your partner. It's fun when the person in front of you feels jealous and secretively counts the number of years he's been with his love!

It's been 9 for me. He caught me with a cheesy line and I gave in. He asked me if I was committed, and I told him it was on the rocks. Can't believe I said that. He fell in love with me soon after, and I ignored him. That day and today, I'm still running after him!

We never fight. When I confess this in front of someone, they make me think it’s a bad thing. I love him and he loves me. If there is something he's not comfortable with, I don't go ahead. And he, he always puts my comfort first. Neither of us has ever compromised. We just adjust to make each other happy. Probably it’s a good thing that he hardly ever says no! I feel guilty if I dominate him too much like all doting wives. When I apologise for the same, the guilt transfers!

Is it bad that there is too much understanding and warmth? It’s been nine years and we know each other through and through. The surprises that come our way amuse us rather than make us want to kill each other. Are we missing on the thrill of make-up sex!?

I guess not. I hate the sulking and brooding that goes into a fight. I wouldn’t want to trade my smiles with anything else! If the world is jealous with our 9 years, let them be. Some people call us role models. I’d try to live with just that!

Reality Bytes, err, Bites.

Honesty is the best policy but not all of us are brave enough to blurt out the truth. More often than not, we say something but feel exactly the opposite. Sometimes I've been blatantly honest. I've always regretted that. People want you to be nice rather than frank. What do you do? Simple, tame your tongue, something that I'm still learning.



You say: I’m a little full right now.
When You want to say: I spend an hour in the gym, eat a salad for dinner, drool while walking across a bakery…yes, you jackass, I’m on a diet and not all Samosas are worth the effort!


You say: Yes we will *smile*.
When You want to say: I’d rather freeze my eggs till eternity than have a kid before my 1st wedding anniversary. We’re not rats. Maybe we are child-hating weirdoes’. Go figure. Instead of asking me, go ask your own daughter if she knows how to have sex during the three ‘magical’ ovulation days!

You say: I don’t know how the day passes.
When you want to say: I cook, clean, watch tv, socialise, shop, exercise, chat, sleep, read, write and well, breathe. You’ll be jealous of my awesome-housewife life. Oh wait, you already are!

You say: Really, I didn’t notice that.
When you want to say: I already read where you went, when you went, how you looked crappy in your swimming costume and what you did during your four days in Goa. I might not update my status message for months, but I keep an eye, or rather several eyes on Facebook all day!

You say: Oh, your child is so cute.
When you want to say: I think she has a squint. And why the hell she’s so grumpy all the time? I’m not a child-hating weirdo, but seriously, all kids are not cute!

You say: It’s just a game.
When you want to say: Why the hell did I agree to play in the first place.

You say:It's fun.
When you want to say: My boss is a character straight out of a Vampire series and my colleagues are the Who's who of Indian Television. Every morning, it is only the thought of my pay slip that makes me wake up. You still want to know how's my job?



Ah, wish I could speak as smoothly as I could write this. Wish my face didn't divulge my thoughts before my mouth! Do you wish the same?

I feel you Louve!

I use to write scores of cute Louve poems. Then love-dove-above, you-too-blue, may-stay-gay(?), etc, etc, etc were used far too much! And so I stopped. Today, Valentines day wanted me to write another kiddish lovey-dovey poem. And so I did... this one's for you my Boy!



I feel love when I hold you tight
Your love makes every day look so bright
The morning peck makes everything look so easy
You’re my life, today, it doesn’t seem so cheesy!

I feel love when you do little things for me
Making a chapati, since when was that your duty!?
When you want to lose scrabble just to make me smile
Your kindness makes everything worthwhile!

I feel love when I sit beside you
Doing our own thing, without a clue
Suddenly millions of kisses come zooming at me
I feel your love, all the time baby!