Yesterday was disturbing, I’ll tell you why. I am 31. Most
of my ‘Friends’ on Facebook are around my age. Most of them are new mommies
loving their new found love - Motherhood.
So yesterday was the most joyous day of the year for them. They
were all over the page either patronizing their own mothers (and the forced
inclusion – the MIL!) or self-proclaiming the fact that they were indeed the
best moms.
Before you start criticising me since I’m not a mother, I
would like to add a little disclaimer here – This is my blog. These are my
views. We live in a democracy. Atleast for now. So... you get the point,
right!? P.S. I love you. I hope you still love me too!
Now I understand that each mother goes through a hell lot.
She attends to an ungrateful baby who grows up to be the most thankless soul
and runs away with a girl or a boy. She then spends the rest of her life trying
to catch a glimpse of a person who was the centre of her life for 18 odd years.
Some of us call our mothers once in a week and answer questions like what are
we eating, how is the weather and if we are really telling the truth when we
say ‘we are fine’. If she is in need, we would run to her for a week or two and
do everything we can. But ask us to go and live with her for the rest of our
lives and most of us will say NO!
Yet on mother’s day I see my timeline filled with immense
love. Most mothers are not on Facebook. But that doesn’t deter my friends to
let me know how much they love their mother. I can bet that half of them have
not said ‘I love you, Mom’ ever in person. But on Facebook, their love knows no
boundaries. Atleast they say it somewhere,
some would argue. Well, I don’t understand those people!
Anyway, so I made a customary call to my mother yesterday. She
started her usual rant by telling me all the troubles she was facing at home
(which were really self-made). She went on for half an hour gossiping about
family members and how stressful her life was. I gave her a good one by telling
her to back-off and take a chill pill. I told her to read, play with the kids,
go to the park and watch Comedy nights with Kapil. She started laughing and
said that all was actually ok. I really did not understand if she was stressed
or just taking my case.
After I hung up I thought to myself how annoying this was.
Then I felt guilty of thinking like that about my own mother. I mean, everyone
on my Facebook loves their mommy to bits! And here I was wanting my mother to
stop the bitching and hang up.
See I am not a bad daughter. I was always the favourite of
everyone at home; including the extended family. I did my homework on time and
got excellent grades. I dated a whole lot but never stressed my parents with
the truth! I did not spend much, I took care of myself and got married into a
family which was not into thinking that their son was a gold mine. I am not
saying that my mother did not have a tough time dealing with me; in fact she had to handle a kid who had a certain amount of disability which made both of us
feel guilty in some way or the other. But... this does not mean she would take
revenge with me like this!
So, on belated mother’s day, I would like to ask the world –
is mommyhood over-rated? Is loving your parents to a normal extent and not ‘infinity
and beyond’ a crime? And do mommies really take revenge consciously? I know it
is a hard fact to accept but I can guarantee that every mother has done her bit
to laugh her ass off for keeping her awake at night when we were a baby.
Just like my mother who is the best mom in the world (it is
not hard to say this when I have no one else to compare her with!) whom I love to
bits (again, do I have a choice?). Ok, ok, I really do. Promise. You can call her and ask.
I agree to most of the post except the 'ungrateful baby' part.
ReplyDeleteMoms stay up at night and makes their kids the center of their universe not for the kids to be grateful or be thankful...its also for themselves and most of us don't expect anything in return. It is also NOT because our kids are our responsibility and we have to take care of them we don't have a choice - NO. We WANT to take care of them, and we WANT to stay up at night and we REALLY WANT to wipe that poop. Honestly we do. I mean at least a majority of us sincerely do. And this WANT to really do all that and raise a child makes a Mother. And the fact that there is one person in the whole world who calls me "Mamma" be it weekly , monthly, yearly or once in a blue moon -makes it worth being a mother , and makes my own mother more special ! :-)
I talk to my Mom on facetime on a daily basis and she actually tells me to stop calling and 'wasting' time :D
I do read forums on motherhood and childfreedom sometimes and some mothers use the exact same words. It definitely takes a mother to understand what it is to be like one. We have become so selfish that this unconditional thing seems too good to be true. Maybe motherhood is all about bringing selflessness back into this world :)
DeleteCorrect Nisha ! You just said it !
DeleteVery enjoyable post Nisha.. Personally I believe in everything that comes natural for each and one - either its for mum, dad, kid, sister, aunt, uncle, grandparents... to show appreciation and love everyday is a good thing ... Not the hysterical commercial way though... I think...:-)
ReplyDeleteI do not think my mother expects anything back from me. But yes I get your point.
ReplyDeletei too find this wishing on facebook and only using mothers day as a day to express gratitude a little bit unnerving! if u love ur mom, then she s speacial always, nt jst on mother day is my policy :)
ReplyDeleteI found certain things you said a bit harsh / blunt. But yeah, you're right, we have no choice, and there's no one we can compare her to. I guess it's all programmed by nature. Maybe someday you'll be a mother and rewrite this, or maybe you won't.
ReplyDeleteNice reading.
Cheers
CRD
facebook is a place where people pretend to be happiest on earth babes...PRESS IGNORE
ReplyDeleteMoms are very special :)