Is anything ever enough?

The world is divided into haves and have nots. There are some who buy a purse which costs more than a person’s yearly salary. Then there are some who don’t know where their next meal will come from. I am grateful that I might be in the world’s top percentile when it comes to money, but am I doing enough to help those who need it?

Just yesterday we were at a signal in my resident country – Bahrain. It was probably the hottest day in this summer with temperature soaring in the late 40’s and humidity hitting nearly 90%. There was a healthy looking man frantically running from one car to the other trying to ask for money. His clothes were drenched in sweat, and he looked extremely harassed.

The husband and I never give any money to those who are begging on the streets, but this man seemed particularly disturbed. We crossed the signal but could not stop thinking about him. After about fifteen minutes we were at the same spot and saw him sitting on the grass nearby. We decided to give him some cash and so we drove around to get closer to him.

He asked us if we had a few seconds to listen to him. He then explained that he needed the money to go back to his home country and wanted a bit more for the ticket than what we were giving. We both didn’t find it appropriate and told him that this is all we could do and left from there.

Although I did my bit, I couldn’t help but feel guilty for not helping him enough. I was not satisfied but then, will I ever be? My house-help toils very hard each day to earn money for her grown up, well-settled children/men. She is old but relentless. Her motherly instincts annoy me but when I see her working so hard, I don’t know what to feel. Should I feel sorry for her and give her a little extra than what she earns, or should I help someone else who needs it more?

My pranic healer adviced me to donate to someone who is going through the same illness as me. He asked me to give them enough to completely heal. This has something to do with Karma – if you give for what you need, you will get the same in return. I looked up on Milaap.org and searched for people looking for money to cure their muscular disorders. I thought about the maximum amount I could give and searched accordingly. I have done this twice in the last year and really feel blessings are on my way.

Last month a cat moved to my garden with her two newly born kittens. These animals looked frail and in need of food. I do not like animals – it has something to do with my ability to not being able to escape if they attack me in any way. I shut my curtains so that I don’t see them! I thought I can provide them shelter by not going into the garden while they are here, but I cannot give them food because that will make them come near me all the time which I will not be able to handle. This is the maximum I could do. I am happy to report that they are growing up well, but I still don’t give them food!

I have helped many people with my time. I have cooked for friends who were not well. I have stayed on their bedside when they were admitted in the hospital. I have listened and given advice when needed. But nothing, nothing ever feels enough.

I compare this with how God must feel when we beg Him for something and He does only, what we consider, little to help us. We feel He has abundant power, yet he does not help us with all his might. Is he also limited like us? Does he feel guilty when he doesn’t do enough? Does he also think that he has given us the ability to beat the odds and we must rise up to the challenge whenever needed?

My analogy might be weird but atleast it gives me an understanding to why my prayers are not always answered. Just like the cat and her kittens, God has given me enough, and a power to survive in any circumstance. I will not feel guilty of not doing enough because nothing ever is. I will not feel sad when I don’t get enough, because, well, nothing ever is.