F**k the Fear

I have always been a very optimistic person. If there is anything wrong with me, I experiment with different things and find a way out. My experiments are not successful entirely, but they do have a positive affect. I've been very happy and that proves that they have worked.

However, lately, negativity has been residing in me like a determined guest who refuses to leave the house even when I fail to feed him!

I don't know if it is aging or something that I did or did not do, my health is getting worse. Everything is slowly becoming more difficult than it was before and it kills me a little each day. I am doing everything that is in my hands - I exercise like I've never exercised before, I eat healthier, and I experiment some more. But when I have a bad day, I become anxious and stressed over the state of my health in the coming time.

And this stress that makes things worse. So I started listening to more music, doing pranayam, watching inspirational videos, the works! I told you, I try everything that I can. I even go out when I don't feel like going out because I feel change is good, meeting people is a distraction and that it will help me.

The other day I was watching a video in which Sonali Bendre describes her journey with Cancer. With each disease, you don't know how it is until you go through it. The take-away from her story was how she has become fearless in life because she faced the hardest challenge in her life and came out triumphant. She said she does everything that she fears because that makes her a stronger person.

I've been fearing a girl's trip. Yes, yes.. who fears a girls only trip? I do! You see, I have several difficult moments in a day which the Boy handles with much elan. Right now I'm teaching my girls what all they will have to do when they do travel with me. Sweethearts that they are, they are ready to manage everything. Should I buy them a gift? We'll see!

The second take-away from her interview touched a chord with me as well. She said she was not at ease when she lost her hair during chemotherapy. For a public figure who endorsed all hair-products, this was a massive blow. But Sonali Bendre, very courageously, came out with her bald appearance and inspired a million others to be comfortable in their own skin. She said that she told herself that I am not comfortable, but I will be.

That is what I've been telling myself too - I am not comfortable, but I will be.

I saw a few more videos after that and just learnt that don't feed the pest called anxiety. The more you repeat the issues in your head, the roomier it gets for them to thrive. Instead, tell your fears how you are stronger and how you will not let them win.

I have a new mantra for me now and it is called F**k the Fear. I try to repeat it, smile often, and do the best that I can do. I do my Karma. There are times when I forget all the good things I have read and seen and hence feed the pest. I have sleepless nights. But I know it gets better, I tell myself. I repeat.

So I am here..albeit after ages..repeating it.. telling the world. Writing it makes it permanent, doesn't it?

Write woman, write more and do F**k the Fear!

P.S. I don't swear. This is the only time I've been using this word in this blog or in real life. It's time.