Adulting is hard, and I am not doing even a miniscule of what others do! I mean where are the days of sleeping at any time, eating just about anything, and feeling no burden of what old age holds? When you are getting closer to 40, your brain gets to eat more junk than your stomach.
Just last night I ate two squares of dark chocolate after
dinner and it messed up my sleep. For one, I would have loved to eat a whole
bar of Mars. But I compromise, people! I had the good for health and the blood
pressure dark chocolate without realizing it is high in caffeine which is an
antidote for my beauty sleep after 4 pm. Yes, that’s how amazing my adult
system has become. And that is just the beginning of my complaints!
I began drinking alcohol pretty late in life. I had a few
glasses here and there, but my career really began after I got married at 26. Come
38, it stopped abruptly due to palpitations post a few shots of the good old
tequila/gin tonic. I mean, who has even heard of that? With that my
uncontrollable laughter and incessant singing and dancing halted as well. I try
to act drunk, but let’s face it, I am so bad at faking that I can’t even
complete a happy birthday tune without getting bored and judging my shrill
voice.
Don’t get me started on the sky-rocketing stress levels. When I was in 10th standard, I had my math preliminary exam. I was
awful at everything that involved a,b,cd,x,y san, cos and theta. My cousin
sister woke up at 4 am on the day of my exam to help me learn and I got through with just enough mrks to
save her face. That was the exact amount of stress level that I was capable of
handling and I thought existed in this world.
However, counting backwards to fall asleep while waiting for
my whole exome sequencing results is not what I signed up for! I knew it was hard
to wake up and that’s what alarm clocks and talking to your pillow to wake you
up was made for, but sleep meditation for getting you into slumber, ah, no one
taught me that.
I can’t imagine what my fragile friends with multiple kids
and high-power jobs go through. They can’t even poop without consciously adding
30 gm of fibre to their meals!
We were taught how to save money. Your grumpy aunt gives you
a thousand bucks, you buy a few candies and save the rest. By the time I was
18, my blue purse with a panda family on the cover had ten thousand rupees
which can easily translate to one lakh of today. We were never told that if
that money stays in that purse, it rots and loses its sheen. When I see 16-year
olds talking about crypto and Tesla stock now, I laugh at them. But they are
smarter than us for sure because their money will increase with rising inflation.
Although they are adulting faster than us too. Someone please
tell them to slow down because their future, like ours, is all about falling interest rates, bulls
and bears, tums and ibuprofens, and counting your chocolates before you count numbers to fall asleep.
