Laughing Stock

We all have that one friend who is the butt of all jokes. Whatever he/she says becomes fodder for the 'bully' and an amusing piece of comedy for the rest of the group members.

Unfortunately, in my circle of friends, that person is me! So much so, that the 'first among equals' is planning to publish a comic book in my name.

Do I care? Not so much. I love laughter even if it is at my cost. We are mature adults and we know our boundaries. I sometimes get really annoyed and give a piece of my mind to the Boy! Oh, I should mention that I am the least confrontational person you will ever meet, I can never say anything to those jokers! I speak my heart out to the Boy and he tells me it is harmless fun and then we just carry on with our banters.

When I was younger, my cousins use to pull my leg a lot. Sometimes I took things really personally, but I realised that they were just trying to find humour in a situation. I realised that I could take jokes from those I liked; random strangers/acquaintances? - not so much.

In school, this one guy was always after my life due to my 'Punjabi' surname. It was fun for a while, but then when I thought a line was being crossed, I stopped entertaining him. I didn't budge until he came and apologised... it was the most fun I have had in 10th grade!

You see, I have always understood one thing - they can make jokes on you till you want them to. The day you put your foot down, they stop. But laughter comes rarely in this stressful life of ours, and so I let them use my anecdotes and be merry. I am all for wit and humour done in good taste. Infact I make concious effort to add to their tales! I give them sufficient matter to pick on and elaborate in their own jester-like manner. And why not, I like a good chuckle as well.

Frankly, I feel the world has become too touchy. Whatever you say or do is interpreted in so many different ways. A good stand-up comedian cannot crack jokes without offending the feminists, a certain gender or race, an age-group, people with different life choices... you get the drift. We have stopped taking life with a pinch of salt. We need to understand that not all situations need our evaluation on whether it is principally correct. Some things are intrinsically funny, just let them be!

Coming back to being a laughing stock - what would you rather be? A sulk or a sport? An entertainer or a bore? Let me be straight with you - if you have an eccentric personality like mine, you really don't have a choice. And so, I would happily indulge in designing that comic book. Infact, I am planning to initiate the process! Wish me luck, and patience! 

Twitter Frenzy

Online world is quite useful sometimes. When you can’t have a house party during a match, you can keep chatting on Whatsapp with groups that share similar interest. And when you can’t go to the stadium, you might as well put your television speakers on high volume and go on Twitter.

Now people who abhor the online world for all the stupid reasons would not agree, but let me tell you, it is a win-win situation – you don’t miss a ball (because anyone who has ever been to a stadium knows it’s only about the adrenalin rush, no match watching there.) and you still know how the world around you is feeling. Since you can’t go to the stadium always (because you aren’t grey-eyed man who probably has a huge inheritance since he misses work so frequently!), you can too go every day.

Since I am a girl (woman) in her 30’s, most of my friends are busy with their kids. They might be watching cricket, but to expect them to chat with me during the match is expecting too much. The Boy’s phone keeps buzzing with incessant chatter from all across the globe. I feel left out and so I go on Twitter. Also, he’s an MCP who smirks when I talk cricket because he thinks women watch cricket just for Kohli and reasons other than bat and ball.

He’s not completely wrong.

*The word Kohli itself sends me to a dreamland.*

So, Twitter. Since the Boy won’t listen to my inane wisdom on cricket, I lash out by sending tweets. I typed a couple yesterday, and guess what, I got 350 Likes and 117 Retweets!

Ignore the comments - some losers just want to get attention.

Basically I was infuriated by how fans treat their stars. On one hand they went gaga over Virat Kohli’s performance, on the other hand they were sending out jokes like ‘Bhadka hua Aashiq’. God knows I have a sense of humour, but when you put someone on a pedestal, you need to really respect the man.

This man gave us moments of unfathomable happiness. Millions were clapping and laughing and feeling ecstatic. There is no entertainment that can match the feeling of high patriotism in a sporting event. Yet there are morons who make jokes on this hero. If he made you feel so good, atleast don’t make him feel bad.

So trolls suck. I wrote a tweet which I am glad was appreciated by many. I think I did a good thing and would appreciate if Kohli thanked me for it. But since he is busy practicing a West Indian roast very soon, I’ll forgive him even if he doesn’t.

However, there is a downside to being so awesome on Twitter - you get new followers. Although the numbers make you feel happy, they really are just numbers. The other disadvantage is that I would be trying to concoct new Tweets during every match and that would just take away my precious time adoring Kohli on the pitch. Anyway, I just got 350 Likes and 117 Retweets – I am a celebrity, I shouldn’t be complaining.

Yes, yes, I know it’s no big deal. But it is to me. It is a ‘Dear Diary’ moment and I won’t let anyone take that away from me.

Here is my handle if you are looking to follow a wise soul. And there is a cross on the top right corner of your screen if you are looking to shut this nonsense down! 

Ice, Ice Baby meets Thanda Thanda Paani

Every few months our social networking websites do something good and it makes us look at them in a positive light. Recently the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge has been quite a success. For those who don’t know, this challenge is raising awareness for Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis and aiming to raise money for its association. Through the challenge, people have to pour ice water on themselves, make a video, post on a social networking site and then challenge three other people. If those people fail to respond within the next 24 hours by doing the same, they have to donate to a charity. In the last 20 days, the association has raised $15.6 million, a little less than ten times the normal amount they've previously raised in the same time period.

Now the likes of Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Steven Spielberg, Oprah Winfrey, Justin Bieber, et al. have already taken up this challenge. The initial reactions to the icy cold water have been really funny in some videos. What if this came to Indian celebs (you know, maybe Anil Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra get tagged by their colleagues ;) )? How will they respond when a bucket-full of ice water is poured over them? Well, here’s a sneak peak, and a light hearted one at that:

Ailaa, it’s cold – God/Sachin Tendulkar

It’s normal, I do this everyday – Sunny Leone

Wow, I mean WOW, so cold – Saif Ali Khan

Jejus, O Jejus - Rakhi Sawant

Thanda tha. Agar Modi ne nahi kiya to hum dharna karenge – Arvind Kejriwal

Mitro, thande din aa gaye, ache bhi aayenge. Vande Mataram. – Narendra Modi

Muaahh - Imran Hashmi

Exotic, oh no, cold – Priyanka Chopra

Cold, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, icy cold – Sonam Kapoor

Ice: Bucket, Bucket: Ice, Ice: Water, Water: Ice, Water: Cold, Cold: Water, Cold: Me, Me: Gutthi

RTI - is it suppose to be this cold? – Rahul Gandhi

If Nation wants to know how it was, they should tune in at 8 – Arnab Goswami

Half Cold – Chetan Bhagat

I have a degree in this  - Smriti Irani

Man, I needed this  –  Mahendra Singh Dhoni

Brrr! How do you think I came up with K K K K K Kiran – Shahrukh Khan

Old, Bold, Sold, Fold, Cold – Navjot Sigh Siddhu

It was my idea, thanda thanda paani - Baba Sehgal

___________________ Dr. Manmohan Singh

After you are done laughing, visit this link and encourage the youth by just writing something under 130 characters in the box there. When you're done, IndiBlogger will kindly loan a Milaap's borrower Rs. 1000 on your behalf (you don't pay). Sweet, isn't it? You just have to go to the site and you'll help someone get a job. Be a good Samaritan, sweetheart! I won't make fun of you, promise. I won't mind even if you don't comment and used your precious time hopping over to their website. Me and four of my friends have posted already... that's a good Rs. 5000 raised :)

P.S. I think the bucket challenge is amazing. This was in good humour and should be taken in the same spirit.

Look what you missed

So well, I was online when Facebook went down today. It was like being part of an earthquake and knowing that yes, the earth really shook. Fortunately it lasted for only about 20 minutes and breathing was reported back to normal. If you missed the action because you were living your dumb life, here is what could have happened to you as well:

# I had tears for 20 whole minutes because Bee’s inspiring quotes were nowhere to uplift my mood.

# I didn’t go to the gym because, well, no point going if I could not check-in.

# I forgot how happy my globetrotting friend’s lives were. 

# I missed R’s mother’s birthday because he could not wish her on FB. For the first time in years he could not tell her how much he loved her. sob sob

# Poor J, she cursed herself for being born on 19^th June. Her Birthday wish count came down drastically.

# L frantically banged doors in the neighbourhood for candy crush requests. At level 356, she could not lose 20 precious minutes.

# I could not decide what to eat for breakfast because I couldn’t see what K was eating today.

# When I looked out of my window to check what humans were doing, a man actually gave me thumbs up and I politely gave him one back. The building had to call security.

# I missed where P's father's sister was heading because she could not check-in at the airport. How could I live like this?

# I fell down and broke a nail because I did not hit the like button on I-Like-to-be-bribed Lord’s picture for the site went down exactly at that second. Talk about misfortune.

# I was disturbed because I was listening to the latest song on Youtube and I could not tell anyone about my superior discovery.

# S refused to deliver the baby until Facebook was back again. She didn’t want her child to be born in a world where she could not instantly inform everyone that her princess was here.

# I don’t know about my other friends because they pretend that they don’t use FB. I am sure they were sitting in one corner and sulking as usual for being so unpopular, anti-social, real...

 

So if you were slogging at your stupid workplace and didn't get to know what it means to lose this Social Network Messiah, I pity your state. Meanwhile, some places did report the 20 most productive minutes of work. Although I think those guys were silly. They should have refreshed the page over and over again if their love for FB was really true.

And oh, what a pity, people in the USA were sleeping when the world turned upside down!!!! I am sure they now wish that the FIFA 2014 was being played in the Eastern Hemisphere.You know, then the whole world would have been wide awake and mourned together.

Misc.

Much has been spoken about photos and Facebook on this blog. I came about something very interesting today which I just have to share. Its regarding, again, pictures.
So we all try to be our witty-best when adding a line or two with our mundane pics. And some people go an extra mile. The pics I saw today had intriguing captions like - Flower, Leaves, Tall tree, Road, Me, Me near a tree - below, what else, a flower, leaves, tall tree...you get the drift.

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What's up with this 'How well do you know so-and-so quiz?
My husband scored a 60% after much deliberation. His answer to such disastrous result "Sweetheart there's mystery in our relationship. I want to know you more and more each day."
To state that he has learnt to handle me after all these years would be an understatement.

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My visa delay has actually become a joke now.
A friend wanted me to get serious when I was actually laughing out loudly. I suggested her to say something like, 'Nisha, imagine if your visa gets more delayed.' She did as I said.
It didnt help at all.

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There are several benefits of having a guy friend. On the other hand, he hardly has any if his female friends are devilish.
The other day we asked him to show us isolated lanes and by-lanes where he and his friends 'took' their girlfriends in a car which has window panes covered with sheets darker than a moonless night. After much coaxing, he showed us two of them. We were really impressed and thought we could help our nieces and nephews someday.
And ofcourse, we will tell our friend's wife (whoever she will be) how he took us to that lane too.

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The other day I was listening to 'Tamma Tamma loge' on radio while driving. Somehow it's easier to remember the lyrics of old songs and so I wanted to sing along loudly. I wanted increase the volume and go dhinchak dhinchak in the car.
I was too afraid to ruin my reputation in the city and so I didnt. But really what's so wrong about it? Especially when songs back then had much better lyrics and tunes.
Barring Tamma Tamma, ofcourse. Bappi da is just another league altogether.

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Ok, I gotto go now. Otherwise it will be waking up time for granny and she'll start her harangue on how its better to sleep early and get up early. I, on the other hand, think its actually practical. This way somebone or the other is always awake at our place 24 hours. We really don't need a watchman.

Men can never win.

He: (while watching a match)I'll talk to you after the match.
She: Of course, the match is more important than me.
He: arre...

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She: (while watching her favorite soap) I'll talk to you in half an hour
He: ok, cool.
She: See how happy you are, you really didnt want to talk to me.
He: arree...


Ah, women! And proudly so!

We think, therefore we are... women!

Now this one's not being written in a very good mood. Why? U ask. Well, i have no idea!So thats that, do females, and i say this for most of us, need a reason to worry/think?

We tend to make everything a big deal at times. Why, I have no clue. Somethings deserve our thoughts, but then we tend to indulge in a lot of unnecessary crap as well.

Lets say there is a party next week. So what to wear? Now next week is like 7 days later...but we need to THINK now! That will decide how many parlor visits we need to make before the D day, when do we have to shampoo our hair, how we'll reach the venue, how will we talk to our boyfriend on phone that night so we have to make up one night before, and the resttt!

This party is a HUGE affair, so it becomes a BIG issue . Lets just excuse it. How about what movie to watch tomorrow? Now the woman is thinking. Last comedy was awful. Action? What, thats not our genre. Romance...i need to buy tissues. Whom to go with? Well, if I ask X, I will have to take Y along. I don't like Y. If I go with A, B will not like it. If I take B, A's a prob. The Woman goes with A, has completely 'thought' of the reasons she would give B, even has a plan ready if she bumps into B's neighbor's daughter's friend...

Now movies are entertainment. Lets just sleep. This too gets undue importance sometimes! If she sleeps at 12 today, her cycle will break. You know, routine. Yesterday she slept at 2 and woke up at 10, and I know u know the rest! If she sleeps at the usual 2, how will she able to start a new routine of waking up early? And if she sleeps at 1, she would be thinking of all the BIG things in the world and end up sleeping at 2 'thinking' why she didn't actually sleep at 2. She could have blogged u know!

And thats a woman's brain for you. Thinking brain. Sometimes its irritating for us too. We do realize that thinking is injurious to health. Thats why men, they-are-so-smart-men, don't think at all! And we hate them for that. Guess that's why we take their responsibilities too and think twice as much!

We think about the big, the small, and the minuscule. Its not our fault. Just like crying isn't. And well, there's a big post on crying coming up soon. Its my favorite hobby. Oh, no wait, its thinking. Umm..will have to think on this one!

*the post has been written in an extremely light hearted manner..and should be taken in the same spirit!!*

Disconnected!

Now this is the usual man says woman says stuff...with a twist!

on phone - 22nd June, 2007
Man: (after talking for 1 hour or rather listening!) Ok sweetheart, I'll get back to work.
Woman: Huh! You never have time for me. We just spoke only for an hour. BYE

on phone - 15th May, 2007
W: (same - an hour) Ok honey, I have some work.
M: Ok sweety, Bye.
W: Huh! You never stop me. You've had enough, havent you? BYE

on phone - 17th April, 2007
M: (been an hour) Hmm and what else?
W: How come its been an hour and you have'nt hung up?
M: Oh, I'm free so no problems.
W: Do you think I'm your timepass. Whenever you are free you'll talk otherwise you'll hang up? BYE

on Phone - 14th Jan, 2007
W: yawnnnn...I'm feeling sleepy.
M: Then sleep no, sweety.
W: That's what you want. Me to stop blabbering. BYE

on phone - 5th Dec, 2006
M: yawnnn...I'm feeling sleepy.
W: You think I'm boring don't you?...BYE

Women, they always have the last word.
Men, call up again, the ring goes alll the way, she doesnt pick up. Second,,,third....depends on the ego of the lady...picks up...n Men, for no fault of their's coochie coo...reassure...apologize...
I'm so glad I'm a woman!!

Toothache!

Big teeth and small teeth. Yellow teeth and white teeth(and golden silver too!). Straight teeth and crooked teeth. Which one is yours??

Well, i am obsessed with my teeth!!

Now lets check out some teethy stories! For one, my denture is the type you wont find everywhere. Then why am i obssesed with it? Simple, they look different! When i was a kid, i was toooo scared to wear braces. When i was a teenager, for some silly reason my mom was petrified. And then when i was 20, well only behenjis wear braces when they r 20...or so I thought.(later whn one of my friends wore them while i was doing MBA, I thought she was brave, and well, they looked good on her. Plus i'm sure, she had no BF...if u know what I mean!)

Getting back to MY teeth. I have heard many comments. a friend of mine once commented that i might have been a witch in my previous life and so the teeth!some have hated them(to hell with them!). And well, most people find them toooo cute(nice, sweet, lovable people!).

The toughest part comes when I'm being clicked. Its mostly on the photographer's taste(people next to me cant see the teeth, so I'm saved of the comments.) One would say, show your teeth, they look nice. Some would ask me to give a simple smile(to save the friend next to me of a pic thats come out well, but spoilt due to my teeth.) And some would be so shocked to see the denture and how i show it off that they wont be able to comment!

And so the saga continues. Of good teeth and bad. Sometimes I wonder how would it look if I had nice, straight shiny teeth. Oops I forgot to mention their color...I'll save you some boredome! Yeah, when I am 70, and I have no teeth, I will get a fiiting that is as good as yours, and then I'll know what I missed by not wearing braces all my life. Till then... I'll say cheese with a crooked smile!!