Punjabi Takkar Marriage Diary #7

This is a story I have not told many people. Even I came to know a few years after my wedding day. It fills my heart with pride and my eyes with crystal clear tears! It is about the Boy and what a stand-up man he is.

So I was at the wedding venue at 7:30 pm. Like all Punjabi baraats, this was late as well. My day had been really normal – some Pooja, some haldi, getting my face painted with 25 other brides at the parlour, the works. Frankly, I wanted this day to end. Yes, it is unusual for a bride to say this, but for me, my wedding day was a terrifying event. I hate being the centre of attraction, and this was exactly how it was meant to be.

Over the years, I had never imagined being a bride. I had weird thoughts of settling down in a farm with my own field and animals. I even have a diary entry written in code language mentioning how I want to live my life! I had my childhood issues and not good ones at that.

When me and the Boy decided to get married, the only worrisome thought I had was the wedding day itself. I knew I could manage the rest, but this, this was nightmarish. And so I decided to remain as calm as possible and take one single moment at a time.

I’m proud of the fact that I did exactly that. When I was waiting for the baraat, I chit-chatted with all my friends and relatives. Someone or the other kept bringing me snacks and I kept hogging. I asked my cousin to check how high the stage was, since I had trouble climbing it. She went out and told me it looked fine. I took her word.

The Boy had his problems at home. The Delhi board decided to switch off their power and all their ceremonies were delayed. At last he made his horse run to reach the venue by 11:30 pm!

His other problem was his embroidered Sherwani - it kept hurting him on his neck and he just couldn’t bear the pain. I saw later and he had bad rashes. Anyway.

He and his bandwagon entered the wedding hall. I was still in the waiting room. Now this is the story my mom told me a few years later which reassured her that she was giving her daughter to the best man possible – as soon as the Boy entered, he called my mom and whispered in her ear that the stage looked too high for my comfort. My mother immediately called my brother and he arranged for a small step that would make the climb easy. Actually a tray covered with cloth because nothing else was available at that time.

My immediate family and best friends – all of them knew how difficult this was for me. Yet none of them could notice it in the few hours that they were there. The Boy, on his wedding day, with several things on his mind, noticed this the moment he entered.

When you know that someone cares about you this much, you can do anything for this person. You can love him and care for him more than you do for yourself. Love is not in the Rolex you buy as a surprise, it is about sharing the discomfort of your partner. For in that, true love and true character is revealed.

We are going to be 7 tomorrow, and I cannot thank God enough for the precious gift He has given me. God Bless you Sumit Takkar! I know I am annoying and irritating and dominating and weird, but the way you manage me and still love me is praiseworthy. You are a rare gem and together (I think!) we make a great team. Here’s to us – cheers!

Punjabi Takkar Dating Diary - Entry #8754

Like I’ve mentioned a few times before, I lived a comfortable life in my parent’s home for the first 26 years of my life. I did my schooling, graduation and then MBA from the city of Nawabs and lived like a princess! I was fortunate enough to be born in a well-to-do family and always had the luxury of a driver or my own car to move around. Life was easy and thankfully, still is.

Even then, my parents always taught me how to value money. I was given a meager pocket money and had to bear all my expenses through it. I was given Rs. 5000 a month to spend on my outings, do any shopping if needed, recharge my cell phone and refuel the car. My college was really far so most of the money was spent on petrol.

There was a time when the Boy had gone for a student exchange program to France for three months. The call rates were really high and had to be borne by me since he had already spent a lot of money in traveling abroad. I remember keeping the windows of my car open just so the vehicle will give a higher mileage and I will be able to buy extra recharge for my cell phone!

I was so afraid of being caught by my family that I was dating this guy that I used to get this recharge from several places. I was afraid that the recharge wala uncle will call my parents and let them know! Oh boy, I was scared of my family knowing!

We always dated at the most discreet of places. There was this restaurant at a remote location where none of my family members, friends or relatives could ever come. The location also suited the Boy because his college bus had a stop near-by and he could easily come there. The chicken biryani was modestly priced at Rs. 70 and made for the most sumptuous meal. We were students and living a cheap life!

I started writing this post because I wanted to tell about one particular incident which involved money. Since my father is a businessman, he hardly ever uses any debit/credit card, whereas the Boy and his family don’t use any cash. One time the Boy had to withdraw some money. The ATM was located right outside his college gate and so we stopped there for a bit. My eyes shone when I saw money coming out of a machine – it was such a new and exciting experience for me! The Boy started laughing and still reminds me of the incident. What’s more, I still have the receipt from my first time ever at the ATM!

I am still a princess though who uses the husband’s credit card and asks him to withdraw money whenever I have the need. I am still careful with money whenever we need to save. I still splurge on priorities and compromise on luxuries if I have to. I am grateful to God that He has given us enough, but I am more grateful that He has taught me to value my privileges.

'No Darling, You are not Fat.'

Married men, or rather men, who’ve had the privilege of being with a woman, know that the answer to ‘Am I looking fat’ is always ‘No, darling’. You might be looking at a hundred kg woman but the truth shall do you no good. 

It is not that we can’t take the truth. It is just that we want you to look at us with those puppy eyes of a tenth grader believing in the fact that we are perfect. Isn’t that why you fell in love with us in the first place? Then why not stick to believing that!

I know we are being hypocrites when we do that. We want you to treat us like we are perfect and yet we keep trying to change things about you. Like the other day I reminded my husband that he was still wearing the clothes that we had bought when he was going to meet my parents for the first time. And we’ve been married for 5.5. years! I told him that I will go to a mall and buy him some tees so that he can give his old wardrobe a makeover. He told me if I did that he will go ahead and buy me something that I don’t need (read: phone). His exact words were tum karke to dikhao. Now see what he did there: He tried to treat me perfectly while I tried to change his personality by making him look presentable. He also gave me a few laughs when I was in a mood for a fight.

Imagine what would have happened if he told me that I needed new clothes to look presentable?! All hell would have broken lose and the likes of Pizza Hut, Nandos and Subway would have taken advantage by providing us excellent delivery options for a month. Hypocrisy, I tell you. 

Now I am a dog when it comes to smells. Ok, bitch, but, whatever. So I told the Boy that he needs to have a good set of perfumes to keep me interested. He was glad to oblige. I wondered though, what actions I will take if he told me the same thing or even gave me subtle hints on the way I should smell. 

One day I told him that he never calls me from office. He has little work load so the fact that he doesn’t miss me when he is away is not good for my ego. He immediately put an alarm on his phone for the next few days. The phone would buzz at the exact same time every day and we would have a few laughs. Within a couple of days I told him to stop disturbing me and that I needed space. Yeah, I know, no woman would take those words lightly. And yeah, I know, this guy is a genius.

So you see we are brazen enough to tell you what we like about you and what we don’t. But if you dare to do the same, your future is doomed. You need to know the right answers(if there are any) to the questions we keep throwing at you. You need to know the right moves. Learn from the Boy. He told me I look good in whatever I wear when I asked him how a particular dress/top was looking. I told him he must love me more to say that because I tend to criticize a tad too much. Just then he remembered that I didn’t look good in pajamas and specs. I told him that men who really love their women, love them the most in pajamas. So he toned down his volume and said, ‘Ok, maybe just specs’.

Haha! So you see, even an expert can fail sometimes. There are really no right answers except the universal, ‘No, darling, you are not fat’!

A those-were-the-days kinda post!

If I had to choose one phase from my student life, it would be my MBA days. I am usually a very living-in-the-present kind of a person, but my MBA days are the two most beautiful years of my life that I wish to go back to.

I did the course because my friends were doing it. We went to the best coaching centers in town, we spent thousands filling out admission forms and we religiously took the Mock test every week. I even fought with my family so that they would let me go to another city to study. That was my first and only act of rebellion! Eventually I took admission in the same town, for comfort and for easy dating!

Yup, I had my priorities figured out!

The Boy and I had been chatting online for a while. In two years we had only met twice. If our relationship was to move further he had to be in the same city as me. Not that I didn’t believe in long distance relationships, he just had to be around me for a while to understand me and my situation a little better to be able to think of a future with me. As fate would have it, we both studied in the same city for two whole years.

That time was glorious. We had tight schedules from 8 to 8, Monday to Saturday and semester to semester. In between classes, projects and tight schedules, we use to find time for each other. It wasn’t easy, but we made it. Our institutes were some 25 kilometer apart. I use to courageously drive across highways to meet him! It was my hometown, he was an outsider and so it was me who had to make extra efforts. But they were so worth it! I just love, love those memories.

My favorite spot at the Boy's college. Yes, I am terrible at photo editing!

Don’t get me wrong, we were good students as well. When it came to studies, we didn’t let our love life affect it. Sometimes he tutored me and gave me his project reports. In return, I cleaned his messy room! We did well in our respective colleges and secured good positions in the end. Awesome balance, you see!

The interior of my Institute

Those classes where we tried to study!

The only corridor where you had some privacy.
People were often found here chatting on phone with their 'loved ones' !

I made some life-long friends during this time. Noor* studied in the same college as me when we did our bachelors. But our paths never crossed. While doing MBA, we got close because of our roll numbers. That was the beginning of a life-long affair. We had a love hate relationship from the beginning but we survived. We got close to Nik* as well – roll number you see. Also, Nik needed a scape goat for his projects. I was the most sincere of the three and played a big role in him getting his degree. We made friends with Pri and then we four were inseparable. It is Pri* who makes me laugh the most. It is Pri I turn to when I need advice on life. Different friends – different specialities!

And then there was the course. The one thing I learnt from MBA was how to Google effectively! No, seriously. I also learnt about the PE ratio, Brand Management, Organisational Behaviour and the works. Even though I never applied much of the above, I remember most of it. That’s the thing about doing Business Administration. You learn practically more than theoretically.

I gained a lot of self confidence during this time. The crowd was pretty average and that always kept the ego high. I met people from diverse backgrounds and learnt how to adjust with each one of them. I let go of my inhibitions and learnt how to face an audience. I learnt I needed to be more emotionally mature to handle angry professors. I learnt I could do well if I wanted to...

I wish I wrote this post 6 years back when the memories were still fresh. I'm nostalgic today since its Noor’s birthday and I happened to look at old pictures (I bought a new camera phone during the last semester!). Noor taught me how to never say no to fun. I love her for that. Happy Birthday my babe.

Noor - Most of her pictures are like this.
For some weird reason she hated being clicked!!

*Names are not real!

Dating Diary, Entry 2254

I started dating the Boy in REAL in 2004. I say real because before that we were one of those creepy people who chatted online. I was so paranoid that I didn’t even talk to him on phone, but webcam was ok!

Anyway, people talked about training a guy. I had no idea what training meant. I was happy with him being sweet to me. That’s all I wanted in a guy. He was no dog who needed training! But then, girls want gifts and cards and flowers and chocolates. This lad knew nothing about that. I really don’t know what his previous girlfriends taught him, but he was a dumbass when it came to buying gifts for his girlfriend.

So one day I told him to buy me a card. He agreed. I waited with a smile on my face and butterflies in my stomach. Yes, that’s how long I waited. He bought me a card alright. He gave it to me alright. But…but…he wrote nothing inside! The card was blank. I didn’t train him quite well, I thought.

Next time, I told him to write me a letter. I had learnt my lesson well. I knew he would write four lines and say I just asked him to write me a letter. So, I told him to write me a letter in 100 words.

He wrote a letter to me alright. He sent me alright. But…but…he started with – I woke up at 10 this morning, brushed my teeth, took a bath…you get the drift. This is not all. Under each word he wrote a number – 1,2,3,4,…100.

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. It was exactly 100 words. And because I asked him to write 100 words, he justified writing about his daily routine.

And here we are, after 4 years of dating and 4 years of marriage, still at the same place. He says if I’ll give you gifts and cards and flowers and surprises, your expectations will increase. I couldn’t train him. But he did.

I don’t make him breakfast on weekends. It’s been four years and I haven’t cooked a meal on a weekend. If he asks me for breakfast, I tell him to manage on his own. I tell him, 'If I make it once, your expectations will increase. Weekend food is your responsibility. I’m not entering the kitchen'.

Hi-five for that!