The Month that Was - February

Two months have already gone by in 2016. I don't know how to explain the last two months - they have been weird, very, very weird.

Now I am a 'writer'. I should come up with better words than weird, right? But I can't because these two months have been quite different from ordinary. I started a very difficult journey of shedding some pounds in December. I did very well in January but just when I thought I'll become size zero in no time, I hit a plateau in February! I did not lose a single gram this month and kept going up and down. I feel stronger though, so that is a good sign.

A major blow came when an insurance company refused to give me critical illness benefit. I sulked. I thought how bad could my health be that they don't even want to consider me for something that might never happen. But you know, I can't sulk for long. I lead such a healthy lifestyle, I will never need that shitty insurance. They can go %&*K themselves!

Meanwhile my father had an angioplasty. It's the worst feeling to know that your parents are getting old. When you love someone and that someone goes through a life threatening situation, you feel sad and helpless. I haven't spoken to him much. Actually speaking doesn't help. You would say the same things that hundred others have already suggested. I believe in sending out good vibes, saying my prayers and thanking God for all he has already given. Such love can do wonders even from far.

Challenges are a part of life. I took a break from them and went for a Mosaic class this month. I fell in love with the tiles, the nipper and the grout. You see, I am a very passionate lover. I go crazy about whatever I start to like. So for a few days I went on and on and on about Mosaic. I dreamt of making hundreds of designs and selling them. The only thing I didn't think about is getting an award for it.

I am screwed up in my head, I tell you. I think, over-think, analyse, and what not. I can't even begin to tell you how much I think about every small little thing. There are some things that make me confused and I refuse to let go. I try to ignore, but it keeps coming back. I need a brain transplant. I need a mind that gives a damn about everything. I need a blank mind when there is nothing important to consider. It makes me very frustrated with myself, but then it makes me adorable also. So, I know, you will advice me against the brain surgery!

We also had a free Spa and Lunch day at a swanky property. But the less I talk about it, the better it is. Sometimes you wish you hadn't won a prize. It was one of those days. But on the very same day we won a small refrigerator at the Boy's office party! And during the same month, I won a Caratlane voucher for this post.

Now these two prizes I like. And I also thank God for the weird mind I have. If it wasn't for this, I wouldn't be so awesome. So yes, no brain transplant. And in any case, I don't have insurance, hence no money. Let us live the weird life that we have. Good things will happen. They always do.

Of Love, Laughter and a Letter

Lucky are those who become friends first, lovers later. That happened in our case as well. After pouring my heart out to the Boy for 1.5 years and chatting with him incessantly on the Internet, we met in real and became full-time lovers. The fact that he knew every single detail about me and my life made our relationship strong. And hilarious.

You see, when you reach THAT level of comfort with someone, romance is a combination of #LoveAndLaughter. If we were having a ‘Look into my eyes’ moment, it would be followed by ‘You know he looked into my eyes’! It was like sharing your love story with your best friend.

Anyhow, after a series of failed attempt at romance, I asked him for a love letter. I had told him to buy me a card before. On our first Valentine’s Day, the dude got me a card. It was absolutely adorable of him to buy me what I had trained him to. I happily opened the card. It was a floral thing. I thought it was fine since it was his first attempt. I opened it. I flicked over. There was nothing. I had told him to buy me a card but I had forgotten to mention that he needs to write something inside the card.

Yes. My mistake.

So next time I asked him for a love-letter. Now a letter cannot be empty. I had learnt my lesson well from my goof-up before. Since I knew my best friend too well by now, I also added that the love letter needs to be atleast 500 words. He was a man of few words, so I gave him the leverage of it being ONLY 500 words.

I was getting smarter, or so I thought.

I did receive my first love-letter from him. I opened it with a smile and was fluttering with joy. Finally I would hear some praises, some compliments, some mushy stuff from him…

The letter was to the point – he wrote he got up at 7 a.m. , did nothing, took a bath, went to class (he was doing his Masters in engineering), etc etc etc.

It was still ok. Atleast he was making an attempt. 

However, every word had a number beneath it. He had clearly mentioned that since he was suppose to write a letter for 500 words, it would be easier for me check that if he numbered it.

There. I had it in my face. A love letter of 500 words that mentioned his daily routine. And numbers from 1 to 500. I didn’t know then whether to laugh or cry or shoot him.

But today, I laugh my heart out when I think of that moment. Several lovers may have written several letters but none would have written a letter like this one. And since I am a Scorpion who likes her revenge, here is a tiny bit from the letter. It is 12 years old but it still manages to make me smile like never before. Needless to say, I love my husband, who was my boyfriend and who will always remain my best friend. I love him despite him being such a jerk!

“This post is a part of #LoveAndLaughter activity at BlogAdda in association with Caratlane.”

The Valentine's Day Cribber

New Year, Birthday, Anniversary, Christmas and all other angrezi festivities are days of immense pressure, and so is Valentine’s Day. Whoever said that it was an occasion to express your love was definitely in love a million times; with different people ofcourse!

Ok, ok. Let me not behave like a 33-year old. I need to fall in love every day, a million times. I need to keep the fire burning. I need to celebrate each day because it is special. Life is a celebration. Yada, yada, yada.

Basically you run out of ideas. If you were a millionaire with no work and all play, you could do a few things. Like go on a holiday to a new destination in First Class on every occasion. But that would also become mundane eventually. Oh, how much would I love to make travelling mundane!

But poor people like us (poorer than millionaires, I mean), have to work on Sunday (Middle East Sunday is like Monday). This year’s Valentine’s day is on Sunday. How can anyone expect us to put in effort, get all dressed up and go out to celebrate when the next morning we have to get up at 6 a.m.?

Then there is the preceding weekend. Now usually I am all bored by Thursday. I want to eat out, go on long drives, meet people, watch movies and just do a lot of things on the weekend. I renew my energy on Friday and Saturday so that my following week is fruitful. So after having a minimum of three meals outside on the weekend, how can I go out again on Sunday?

Now I am being like the type of person I hate – the cribber. They find faults in everything. However, I do have valid points. Unless you have a romantic partner who brings you roses every time, this day does lose it sheen. Frankly, I can’t remember being excited about Valentine’s day ever, except for the first 2-3 times maybe. I was in my early 20’s, and life was a big red heart filled with flowers and chocolates and Shiv Sena’s danda. Sneaking out and celebrating this day was most thrilling. And now, there is no mommy at the door to hold out a ruler and ask you about your whereabouts.

I was more excited when I didn’t have a Valentine. I wrote a poem called ‘Damn, Valentines Day’ and sent it to the local newspaper. To my amusement, they even published it. I actually kept looking out from my window to see if any boys from school were doing their usual rounds!

That just reminds me of the fact that I should be grateful that atleast I have a Valentine. I can torture him to bring me whatever I want. If I try harder, he would book me a nice dinner. Maybe I can take a little initiative and do something to make him feel guilty that he’s not doing anything.

Ah, the joys of being in love!

Up Close and Personal

Last year was eye opening for me at many levels. I felt things I have never felt before. My health was at its all-time low but I was facing the adversities with a brave face. I was miserable from inside but as they say, ignorance is bliss. I ignored the hard part and focused on the good.

Fortunately for me I soon realised that being positive can be both good and bad. We need to understand how to use our optimism. A brave face is really not enough. You may smile through your troubles, but you also need to do something about them.

An incident happened in July that left me devastated. I would skip the details here because it is too sad to explain. I bawled like a baby in public and that has never happened before. The reason was awful. A sudden realisation occurred – I was slowly losing all my confidence.

That incident coupled with a handful more has left me worried. The future doesn’t look very bright but I need to keep, well, a brave front. It does need a lot more than that – it needs wisdom to move in the right direction. It needs patience to wait for results. It needs determination to stay away from temptation. It needs perseverance to stay on the path I have now chosen.

Frankly, it is not easy. You can be strong for a month or two, but eventually you feel for how long can you go on like this. For that, I take support from the outside world. Every single day I read stories of determination, of fighting against the odds, of strong people working towards their goal. And then somewhere I realise, if they can be resilient, I can be tough as well.

I don’t have goals. For technical reasons, I can’t have goals. But I can have small milestones. They are all I look forward to. It’s challenging but not impossible. I can, and I will.

This is a very personal post; the type I may feel at a later date that I need to delete. Today I just felt the need to pour my heart out. Maybe It’s too much, maybe it’s not. Ah, well, let’s call this a new me! I’ve been doing a lot of things lately that I’ve never done before – hopefully I’m being smart.

In my quest to find motivation, I came across this image somewhere. I so want it to go on my tombstone! I am sure each one of us would want the same.

When the going gets tough

At times you think you’ve hit rock bottom

And there’s no way of coming back

You feel the universe is against you

And that life is never going to get on track.

In times like these it’s never easy

Positive words begin to suck

The entire world tries to motivate you

All you feel is that you are out of luck.

BAD TIMES DON'T LAST

- that’s all you have to remember

Be Grateful for all you have

What you don’t, was not yours ever.

Life is beautiful – you've felt it before

It’s all going to get together

Embrace the good, let go of the bad

Soon you will look back and feel better.