Up Close and Personal

Last year was eye opening for me at many levels. I felt things I have never felt before. My health was at its all-time low but I was facing the adversities with a brave face. I was miserable from inside but as they say, ignorance is bliss. I ignored the hard part and focused on the good.

Fortunately for me I soon realised that being positive can be both good and bad. We need to understand how to use our optimism. A brave face is really not enough. You may smile through your troubles, but you also need to do something about them.

An incident happened in July that left me devastated. I would skip the details here because it is too sad to explain. I bawled like a baby in public and that has never happened before. The reason was awful. A sudden realisation occurred – I was slowly losing all my confidence.

That incident coupled with a handful more has left me worried. The future doesn’t look very bright but I need to keep, well, a brave front. It does need a lot more than that – it needs wisdom to move in the right direction. It needs patience to wait for results. It needs determination to stay away from temptation. It needs perseverance to stay on the path I have now chosen.

Frankly, it is not easy. You can be strong for a month or two, but eventually you feel for how long can you go on like this. For that, I take support from the outside world. Every single day I read stories of determination, of fighting against the odds, of strong people working towards their goal. And then somewhere I realise, if they can be resilient, I can be tough as well.

I don’t have goals. For technical reasons, I can’t have goals. But I can have small milestones. They are all I look forward to. It’s challenging but not impossible. I can, and I will.

This is a very personal post; the type I may feel at a later date that I need to delete. Today I just felt the need to pour my heart out. Maybe It’s too much, maybe it’s not. Ah, well, let’s call this a new me! I’ve been doing a lot of things lately that I’ve never done before – hopefully I’m being smart.

In my quest to find motivation, I came across this image somewhere. I so want it to go on my tombstone! I am sure each one of us would want the same.