The Story of an ignored Smart Watch

I use technology, but I don’t get technology. I just know rose gold and slim device and little bit of megapixels, but you talk dual core with me and I’ll avoid you for the rest of my life. It is like cricket: I watch it just to see Virat Kohli sending out flying kisses to Anushka when he hits a century.

You see, I always want to be in the game, always in the know, but I am a regular girl with very girly characteristics and this is the story of my fitness band:

Four years back there was a contest on Twitter. I participated in it with all my creativity. It was related with technology and how, being a wife, I hated it when my husband paid more attention to it. It was a very emotional subject for me and I went all out.

My wit wanted the mobile phone to turn red when my husband looked at the screen for more than 15 minutes. Genius idea was stolen by the applications world and they now have app locks. I have one for my Instagram wherein if I look at Taimur’s pictures for more than 15 minutes a day, it locks it.

If you are judging me right now remember that there are three fingers pointing right back at you.

Anyway, coming back to that contest, my tweet won me a fitness watch. Yes, four years back, when the world had not even started sauntering 10,000 steps every day.

My first instinct was to sell it. With the money, I could buy a dress one size smaller, look at it every day and then become fit. This dress would have more power than any gadget showing me how much exercise I did during the day.

Laziness took over -  the watch was in my closet for a year or so, clothes were bought and discarded, and my size increased as usual.

On a certain Diwali cleaning, I found the watch in a corner and thought I will gift it to my brother since newer models had come and no one would buy this old dude now.

Laziness is in the genes - my brother never got around wearing it. Also, free things seem to give him diarrhea, my nani use to wisely state in a very proud tone.

Come 2017, some 2.5 years after I had won the watch, my mom did her Holi cleaning and found the unlucky band hidden in a corner. She asked me if this was mine. I rolled my eyes and replied affirmatively. She dumped it in my bag and so I had to bring it back.

Imagine my euphoria when I discovered that the charger had been lost in this process. Now why will I invest in a thing from Baba Adam ka Zamana. If I did want to wear a watch, I will get a new, swanky one. The prudent husband got into my brain, pulled out all my devious plans, went online and bought me a charger.

This watch now looked too huge as compared to all the sleek ones around. Imagine using the Sony Ericsson phone of the 90’s in this era. I made up some silly excuses and forgot about the watch yet again.

Then, on the eve of November 28, I was at the airport waiting for my friend from 8 years back. We had not met during this time but had kept in touch due to awesome technology. She had grown from a newly married girl to a mother of two and I was excited to meet her.

She walked out gracefully with her husband and two babies and did not look a minute older than how she looked 8 years back. I kept complimenting her on her fitness and told her how I was totally inspired.

Her only reply – Mehnat karte hain (We word hard).

I wanted to find chullu bhar paani and drown in my sorrow. Here I was - loving my life, living each moment, enjoying my child-free existence and completely ignoring my health. While she was doing it all, and how!

My girly jealousy kicked in. I wanted to fit in that dress I had worn with her on a particular New Year’s Eve some 8 years back. Ignoring all my egoistic tendencies, I asked her for tips.

She gave many but the two that stuck around were that she logged her calories and used a fitness tracker so that she at least does her steps every day.

I went into my locker, took out the grandpa watch and its charger. I handed over my phone to the husband so that he does the Bluetooth stuff and set the watch for me. He was laughing on the inside and doubting my commitment to it.

I told him I will wear it for a month and if I am successful in doing so I will get a nice golden one from #GetFitWithFlipkart.

This was me on the first day of wearing it. After a month, I am happy to report that I am on my way to ordering a Smart Wearable from Flipkart.

As you can see from the messages exchanged, I did lose a kilo. I am more active than I was in the whole of 2018. I am now looking at Nits, Outboard Storage, Battery Life and a lot of other technical terms.

But mostly I am looking at that Fitbit pendant, Luxury fitness watch in Rose Gold and all the girly things that only a FIT girl can buy…

I am also looking at some crazy #SmartHomeSolutions so that I can Ok Google, play dance numbers on YouTube without having to find the remote and only concentrate on shaking a leg or two to burn some calories. 

But mostly I want a Google home and Smart lights to go with it because increasing step count by switching off the lights doesn't go too well with my lazy personality. 

After all, it is all about the balancing it all, right?

10 Reasons why you SHOULD not buy a Smart Watch

I'm rebellious and so is my husband. If someone tells me not to do something, I would definitely want to do it. My husband is the same and this happened in our household a few months back:

You see, I am your regular next-door wife - I already knew something was not right with this gadget. I told my husband a million times not to buy a smart watch but he went and bought a cool looking one off #GetFitWithFlipkart any way. Within a day I was reassured that this device had potential of ruining our marital bliss. Just like sports, hubby dearest loved it and was glued to it making me feel like the other woman in the house.

I faked some attitude of I-don't-care and messaged my besties about the potential hazards. Now I am already dealing with the mess, but if your spouse is on his computer looking for various deals that the Smart Wearable section on Flipkart has, this is the list you go to. Fill his mind with possible dangers, use your magical powers and mesmerise him with the ordeals he will have to face if he does buy a smart watch... these are just ten of the possible risks, I am sure the wife in you will be able to concoct many more.

Deprives you of Gold and Silver ornaments

A smart watch costs a minuscule of what a luxury watch would cost. The only advantage is that it tells you multiple things instead of just time. You deprive yourself of a glitzy item that makes you look like a millionaire. A smart watch ONLY makes you look healthy, and really, who cares about that socially, eh?

By the way, I accidentally stepped into a gadget store recently and saw this watch that comes in Gold/Silver/Rose Gold bracelet shape or a pendant. It was so pretty that I was almost lured into buying this freakish device. Why so many colours, shapes and sizes? Stick to dorky designs!

Makes you a bad liar

This point works in our favour, but ladies, anything to save our marriage, right?

So when you receive a message, any message, this watch sends you a notification and you can read that message. There are people in this world who fake being extremely busy without having the time to look at their phones. But with a watch, you absolutely cannot tell your wife that you missed her message. She knows well how much you stare at it when a cricket match is on. God forbid if you say you missed her name on the notifications.

Makes you Lazy

On a recent trip to my place, my dad had his smart watch on all the time. Now he is no walker. After every few hundred steps he would say he is done for the day. At the end of 5 days, he said that he had cumulatively walked 35000 steps which is more than he walks in 10 days and because of THAT he is very tired and will sit back at home and relax. Needless to say, we left him home and went out anyway with mom because we had not done our 10,000 steps for the day!

See, for a person like him, the watch makes you lazy. Although I am pretty sure that without a watch he would have made us sit at home much before the ‘massive’ 35000 mark.

Makes you too available

Remember the time you saw a number blinking on your screen and you did not answer that call? Remember how you told that person the next time you had a chat that your phone was on charging and you are ‘sorry’ you missed his call?

Well, with the smart gadget flashing the call on your wrist, that special someone would know you were avoiding him. Do you want a sarcastic message on Facebook from him especially curated for you?

Yeah, now we are talking.

Makes you ‘un’cool

Let’s face it – only those who care about their health and awareness will wear a smart watch. It makes you look like a fitness freak who will not eat pakoras and drink cola – now who wants to hang out with that dude?

Truth be told, people who monitor their blood pressure and heart rate live a healthier and a more fulfilling life, but they are a pain to those around them.

Do you want to live a better life, err, I mean be that person?

They make for horrible gifts

Suppose you don’t have this watch and you buy one for your spouse/friend on Flipkart. He will start tracking his health, get more active on social media, will be able to hear music on the go, and the works.

If he does use the watch in its full capacity, he will potentially become slimmer than you. Can you take that chance?

You can’t.

You can’t fake sickness

It is your wife’s best friend’s birthday. You despise that lady. You come home from work and feign a fever. Since you have come from your boring job, you do look sick. You get excused right away.

Buttt, with a smart watch, your darling wife wraps her arms around you, opens your device and checks your pulse. This in-house doctor takes away your freedom and you have to go air-kiss and wish that Shabana whom you absolutely hate.

Tch!

Makes you Run out of Excuses

The dreaded device has a function called find my device. It helps you find your phone which you have lost 1008 times in the last one year. 434 times it was lost under the sofa and 1008 minus 434 times you made up this story because you were busy finishing up an episode on Netflix.

With ‘find my device’ you can’t even watch television in peace or read reddit/quora. You have to be punctual or be more creative with your stories.

Can you do that?

It can be nagging

There is an ass-print on your sofa which is a proud achievement from many, many hours of sitting. It is your cozy spot. Sometimes, on a special Saturday, you sit there facing the television for seven hours straight so that you finish a season before anyone else does.

Trust me, this watch will not let you do that since it has a timer that tells you to get moving when you have been sedentary for a long time. Now you already have a mummy/wife/boss for that, do you need another device for the same?

Takes away the Fun

In our house, it is a big deal as to who gets into the bed first. This is because the one who gets in last has to switch off all the lights.

Last night, my darling husband took a leisurely stroll to the bed. He was not at all unhappy about the fact that I beat him. When he slid under covers, I gently reminded him that he had lost the race and had to get up again to switch off the lights. I even let out a triumphant cry.

He smiled back, used the voice assistant on his watch and the lights went off.

Smart Lights? Ugh!

I let out a tiny tear, sighed heavily and decided to write this post warning all wives.

Either I will have the most golden, sparky, smart watch that has more features than his does, or I will bring this evolution to an end. 

And after writing this post I am going to buy Smart Home solutions from Flipkart's #SmartHomeRevolution so that I beat him to everything else in the house.

 Yeah, marital bliss will come back when I Ok Google  in a sultry tone to turn on Romantic lights before he taps his wrist watch!