New here? This may help.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

All Hail Hindu Mahasabha


On 15th of February, people from Kashmir to Kanyakumari can expect express delivery of Agre ka petha on their doorsteps. This is because Hindu Mahasabha has declared that they would marry off any couple found on the streets on V – Day i.e. Valentine’s Day. As quoted by The Times of India recently, they said, “While a prompt Arya Samaj wedding will be forced on Hindu couples, inter-faith partners will have to sit through a”shuddhikaran” (purification) ritual.”

Hearing this, all wedding celebrations taking place on V-Day i.e. 14th of February are shifting to the city of love, Agra. Relatives residing in this city are being called at the last minute to make arrangements for the stay of their nieces and nephews. Parents are relieved that they can now put aside a chunk of their savings for a retirement home in Switzerland. 

Some women are also eyeing the grand alimony that they can file for on D – day i.e. Divorce Day, 15th of February.

While most are happy with the free marriage ceremony bit, Baniyas and Sindhis are trying to make sure they get full and final payment for their baby who would arrive timely on C –Day i.e. 14th November, Children’s day.

Restaurant owners have been on the phone since morning for many boys have canceled reservations while the number of girls calling to book a table has nearly doubled. 

You can expect dharnas by wedding planners, jewellers, banquet owners, saree associations and Mangalam bhagwan Vishnu pandits all across the nation. The IRCTC website had crashed earlier in the day because of the waiting list bookings on all trains heading to Agra. You can expect the same for all airlines that touch base anywhere near this city.

There have been a lot of cancellations on flights to California where Indian gay couples were flying to tie the knot on this auspicious occasion. Meanwhile, some reports of 1000% increase in bookings from other Asian countries have emerged.

A new photo booth has been set up at the Taj Mahal for the newly weds. They would be provided lehngas and sherwanis for the photographs like they do in all hill stations.There will be regular buses to Fatehpur Sikri as well for those who want hatke pictures. 

A special dance performance is also on the cards by Wahrukh Khan so that couples don't feel that they are being treated like adopted kids being married without any pomp and show.

Facebook has uploaded a new feature on their page. Users who are going out on Valentines Day can schedule their change in relationship status from single to married. The change will come automatically by the end of 14th February so that congratulatory messages can sweep in. 


UP tourism ministry can be applauded on this grand gesture. Move over ‘Incredible India’ and ‘God’s Own Country’ -  'UP is the new destination to be'!

I’m yet again proud to be from the grand city of Nawabs!! Now I realise that Mayawati with her Gucci bag statue IS the only good thing that has happened to us in the last few years!!

Disclaimer: This is a piece of fiction written in good humour and sarcasm. If you don't like it, don't read it. But please don't ask me to take this down 'cause we have certain rights and freedom of speech in our democratic country. Or so I read in civics class in 7th standard.

8 comments:

  1. Love the sarcasm in the post...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Loved the sarcasm to the core :P Actually this would work out well for couples who are trying to get married but cannot due to various reasons say, unreasonable oppositions and oppression from parents ;) All they have to do is just go out into the city on V-Day :P Sigh! What have we become!

    ReplyDelete
  3. hahah sometimes I just thing that our country with its politicians and religious activits cannot stoop any low, but then they surprise me yet again!
    Loved this one.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous2/05/2015

    Wait! What?!?!?! :-O
    Above all issues of water, electricity, hunger and poverty in India, the so called "groups" are after people who say I Love You!!! -_-
    We are going backward instead of forward!

    ReplyDelete
  5. It feels like India in the 90s all over again, does it not? Breaking card shops which sell v day cards and all

    ReplyDelete
  6. Your imagination is running riot !!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hahaha we can only blog about it and laugh...the moral police dont even know they are so laughable :D

    ReplyDelete
  8. lol
    loved that baniyas and sindhi part :p so know that thing

    ReplyDelete

Your sweetness makes my day. Gentle criticism will be taken in the right spirit too :)