All Hail Hindu Mahasabha

On 15th of February, people from Kashmir to Kanyakumari can expect express delivery of Agre ka petha on their doorsteps. This is because Hindu Mahasabha has declared that they would marry off any couple found on the streets on V – Day i.e. Valentine’s Day. As quoted by The Times of India recently, they said, “While a prompt Arya Samaj wedding will be forced on Hindu couples, inter-faith partners will have to sit through a”shuddhikaran” (purification) ritual.”

Hearing this, all wedding celebrations taking place on V-Day i.e. 14^th of February are shifting to the city of love, Agra. Relatives residing in this city are being called at the last minute to make arrangements for the stay of their nieces and nephews. Parents are relieved that they can now put aside a chunk of their savings for a retirement home in Switzerland. 

Some women are also eyeing the grand alimony that they can file for on D – day i.e. Divorce Day, 15^th of February.

While most are happy with the free marriage ceremony bit, Baniyas and Sindhis are trying to make sure they get full and final payment for their baby who would arrive timely on C –Day i.e. 14^th November, Children’s day.

Restaurant owners have been on the phone since morning for many boys have canceled reservations while the number of girls calling to book a table has nearly doubled. 

You can expect dharnas by wedding planners, jewellers, banquet owners, saree associations and Mangalam bhagwan Vishnu pandits all across the nation. The IRCTC website had crashed earlier in the day because of the waiting list bookings on all trains heading to Agra. You can expect the same for all airlines that touch base anywhere near this city.

There have been a lot of cancellations on flights to California where Indian gay couples were flying to tie the knot on this auspicious occasion. Meanwhile, some reports of 1000% increase in bookings from other Asian countries have emerged.

A new photo booth has been set up at the Taj Mahal for the newly weds. They would be provided lehngas and sherwanis for the photographs like they do in all hill stations.There will be regular buses to Fatehpur Sikri as well for those who want hatke pictures. 

A special dance performance is also on the cards by Wahrukh Khan so that couples don't feel that they are being treated like adopted kids being married without any pomp and show.

Facebook has uploaded a new feature on their page. Users who are going out on Valentines Day can schedule their change in relationship status from single to married. The change will come automatically by the end of 14th February so that congratulatory messages can sweep in. 

UP tourism ministry can be applauded on this grand gesture. Move over ‘Incredible India’ and ‘God’s Own Country’ -  'UP is the new destination to be'!

I’m yet again proud to be from the grand city of Nawabs!! Now I realise that Mayawati with her Gucci bag statue IS the only good thing that has happened to us in the last few years!!

Disclaimer: This is a piece of fiction written in good humour and sarcasm. If you don't like it, don't read it. But please don't ask me to take this down 'cause we have certain rights and freedom of speech in our democratic country. Or so I read in civics class in 7th standard.