Realisations at 39

 I have only recently realised quite a few things. Maybe because I am growing older, I have started thinking straight, or because I have started looking inwards more. Whatever it is, the realisations are not fun.

Firstly, I have become boring. I used to love to gossip. It was a major bonding factor with so many friends. Juicy info about people use to make my eyes shine bright and I use to beam with excitement. However, after many, many hiccups, gossip is not fun anymore. Even if you hear a story about someone, you cannot share it with many people because of the consequences it can bring to your social life. And what fun is gossip if you have to keep it a secret?

Secondly, I have started to think about my future more. I was never a person who focused on memories. And I was always a planner thinking ahead. But this planning was for a couple of years at max. It involved where our next vacation is going to be and how we are going to celebrate the next new year. Now, however, I think about old age and where life is leading us. I blame mid-life for this, and it totally sucks.

Thirdly, I now ask myself the forever eternal question - what am I doing with my life! Asking this question is like falling into a deep abyss to a point of no return. I have dedicated my life to my health, and it seems I was not able to do anything about it. I was meant to be the way I am, and it would have been better if I used my life in some other way. It's never too late to restart, right? Right.

I have always been the jealous type. I still am. But now, I have started feeling happy for people more than I feel jealous of them!!!!! Yeah, I told you, I have become boring.

We moved to the suburban part of Bahrain in 2020. We were bored to death and wanted an adventure. Little did we realise that we are completely changing our life. We eat at different places now. We hang out with different people – mostly people with kids who have chosen this suburban life for their families. We discuss their children’s problems and realise how lucky we are to be child-free and hence, stress-free! The move has also made me realise how lonely this world is and how easy it is to make friends because everyone is looking to meet new people – you just have to open up a bit and welcome them into your world with open arms.

Lastly, I have realised I will never take my vacations for granted. It was a blessing to travel every 2-3 months and now that I am stuck in the same city since months, I realise how important they were to me. I hate to cook and do laundry these days – the only responsibility I have!! It was because I use to take breaks, I was able to happily do housework. Without a break I am a housewife who does not do any housework. I just cannot go on living that monotonous life day in and day out.

Post lastly, I want to write more often. This is not a realisation but a vow. With so many people around me turning 40, I have an equal number of souls striving to achieve something in life. Some are struggling and some are already there. One common thing between all of them is that they work hard at life. I do too. I just need to shift my focus.

Oh yeah, that is a wonderful realisation.