I was watching this show called This is Us on television
when Kate, the fat girl in the show, made a revelation that struck a chord. ‘It’s
always going to be about the weight,’ she said, ‘it has been about the weight
ever since I was a little girl. It is a part of who I am.’
Being extremely overweight is like a disease. And if,
unfortunately, you’ve had a disease for too long, it is all you think about. ‘Will
I fit in that chair? Will that dress fit me? How am I looking? That’s all I can
think about,’ Kate said.
I know how she feels. Hell, I think exactly how she thinks. Not because I am in the same situation like her, but because I am in a similar situation like her. If not your own conscience, it is the
world around you that keeps reminding you of the shortcomings you have. The
situations you face are perceived differently by you because of the thing you have. Now I don’t know if ‘normal’ people have something bothering them persistently, but it does take a lot of space in my head.
The thing is, I don’t know how to get it out. You condition
yourself into believing that it is alright to have a shortcoming. If you are a
positive person, you are constantly telling yourself that it is all okay. Basically
you lie to yourself because deep down you know it is not okay. This is when you
let your shortcoming take over your whole mind, body and soul.
This thought is so disturbing yet true. You are living a
great moment and bam! a thought troubles you and you let go of the fun because
it so deeply a part of you. Live in the moment they said, but they knew all too
well that it was just a cover up.
What else a person is to do? Sulk? Cry? Make all the moments
about that one stupid thing that wasn’t chosen by him? To become that bubbly,
chirpy person we lie to ourselves that we are bigger than our problems. We are what
we think we are. We are not fat. We are not crippled. We are not suffering. We suppress
the demons and go on living a life in which everything is okay.
Perhaps the sour lemons life gives us help us become the yum
lemonade that we are. If it weren’t for those shortcomings, we won’t be the
sensitive, more loving people that we are. We are crazy, I agree, but we are
also sweet and caring and understanding. I speak for all fat people here. I speak
for all those who have been battling a disease for years. Every second of your life is going to
be about that, but it is also going to be about you, about us – the great thinkers and ‘feelers’
of all time!
This is me too in so many ways. Struggling with a disease that causes my weight to fluctuate, I can so relate to what you say here. No matter what it will always be about the weight and the disease. If not this, then it will always be about some other negative thing.
ReplyDeleteThe trick is to put it out of your mind and see the good things around it. Hard, very hard.
The social conditioning and judgement in society is so passe and stupid. People always like to pick on others. Btw, did you read this book, I Am Big So What by Shuchi Singh Kalra. Do pick it up. You can read the author's interview on my blog:
ReplyDeletehttps://vishalbheeroo.wordpress.com/2016/06/03/fatglam-shuchi-singh-kalra-on-the-move/
If one tries to overcome the negativity one feels about ones own shortcoming its very difficult.... But instead if one focuses on ones actions and attainable goals it would slowly fade away.....remember the saying " i was very sad about not having shoes till i saw a man with no legs ". I do not know exactly whats your specific shortcoming but no one is perfect.... Its our imperfections that makes our world beautiful
ReplyDeleteThere is always something to bug us, even for people who doesn't have anything obvious troubling them. People are fighting one problem or the other everyday. The key is to start ignoring them as much as we can. Try out ways to keep your mind off them.
ReplyDeleteEither it is about weight, disease, skin color, or something that defines us, but is not perfect. We can be as positive as possible, but it is impossible to erase that feeling from deep within. It always stays.
ReplyDelete