In Sync (not)

Thoughts, actions, words - these are all three different things. What we think, what we say and how we react may all be totally out of sync. Why do we not tell people we love them? Why, even though we are kind-hearted, fear to offer a helping hand? What stops us from being who we are?

I have a big mouth. I can talk endlessly and sometimes talk crap. Sometimes people get offended with what I have to say. I don’t make up stories, I just tell them what is in my head. I believe if I don’t speak my mind, I’m not being true to the person. If that makes someone feel bad, it could be their problem. However, the guilt inside me makes me learn and I try not to repeat my mistake.

It is making me less me and more what others want me to be. But I can live with it, not the guilt. Never the guilt.

Speaking your mind also opens up other people. There are some who think more and speak less. But when they are with people like me, they feel they are more free. Sometimes they crack jokes which could be offensive, for you see, speaking your mind is also an art. I’ve learnt to take everything with a pinch of salt. Life becomes fun that way.

Thoughts and actions? – well, I consider myself a very caring person. Bad health makes you extra sensitive to things. It makes you a better and kinder person. These are the perks that we enjoy. If I feel like helping someone, I go out of my way to do that. I’ve also learnt how never to expect anything in return. I shut my brain when it comes to someone doing something for me. As long as I am hale and hearty, I don’t need anyone! After that? -  we will see!

I’ve cooked for people endlessly even without going to their home. I’ve been in hospitals for others even though I know I will never need it (Oh yeah, I’m sick positive!). I’ve bought umpteen gifts for people while I have not received many. I’ve loved and cared without, probably, being loved back..

I want to sync my thoughts, actions and words. I want to be who I am – always. If that makes people uncomfortable, they can find a way out. It doesn’t guarantee I would stop feeling the way I feel for them – ‘cause my feelings are never based on someone’s reaction, they are for me to feel.  We ignore, but we don’t stop feeling, do we? 

Then why do our thoughts, words and actions don’t sync?

P.S. This seems like a perfect example of Sunday musings gone awry!