On a Serious Note

I tell the Boy that I hate flying alone. He should drop me to Lucknow and then come back. He tells me he will do so only when I am 80. I say no, 50 is the cut-off. He wouldn’t budge below 70. I secretly wish that I can still travel alone till I am 80. That’s the dream, it’s very simple – panic immensely for weeks before travel, climb the bus without help and see the family. That’s all I want from life.

I read ‘Kid Me Not’. It’s a book by 60-something women talking about their childfree lives. Sometimes you need reassurance. When you go against societal norms and don’t find anyone around you doing the same, you need to reach out to strangers. I feel better every time I do that.

I read ‘My Sister’s Keeper’. It is a story of a 13-year old girl who was conceived to treat her sister’s leukaemia. I feel for caregivers. It is not easy to live with people who suffer from some sort of illness. We have mood swings that are not normal. Our childhood is not about toys, games and books, it is about doctors and treatments. We grow into wonderful, sensitive human beings, but the craziness prevails. Those who stay by our side, value life much more and are the real heroes. Not us.

I go on Google and type ‘I want to write a book, but have no ideas.’ Even though I find it funny to find answers to this question, it is enlightening to know that most writers are like that. Only a lucky few have divine intervention for ideas, the rest of the world finds inspiration from resources like mine.

I have a mind that wanders into risky territories. I travel time, boundaries and situations in my head all the time. I plan to develop some sanity and put this wandering into good use. Creativity can be a curse in some ways.

I wish a cousin on her birthday. She’s a tad crooked and replies with one-liners. I keep my smallish ego aside and ask her about life in general. She replies in one liners - no questions only strange 3-4 words. I find it hard to keep up. I’ll wish her again next year knowing fully well that this is how she will respond. I don’t have an ego. I’ll message when and if I want to. I’ll love it if she initiates, I would talk without past experiences. Maybe she doesn’t think too fondly of me. Maybe I’ve hurt her in the past. I’ll give her a benefit of the doubt because that is what life is all about – you need to give people benefit of the doubt.

I give up on my present routine. I have given up many times before because of the same reasons I have given up this time. I will rise from the ashes after a few weeks. Knowing myself fully well, I will come back with equal passion and exuberance. Not everyone can do that. It takes a twisted mind and a positive soul. It takes hope and courage. I master the art. In this life of mine, I always call the shots. Always.